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#6641 - 06/20/05 05:49 PM what is healing?
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
We all talk about healing and recovery here but we do not say really what it is. What does the "process" include. What steps need to be taken. What are the goals of our recovery.

I am asking this because I saw someone mention that they started thier real recovery at a specific time in the past. I was wondering what they meant by that. I then thought it would be useful to see what our different ideas of recovery and healing are.

I will offer my own ideas as to what it means for me.

1. To get in touch with my emotions. to be able to feel them with out thinking.

2. To feel comfortable with my emotions and that I do not have to hide them.

3. To feel comfortable with the idea of other people loving me withoout wanting to use me.

4. To be able to look in a mirror and recognise the person I see there.

5.To be able to create loving relationships with the people who care about me.

6. My health to be better.

7. To be able to remember my childhood. (the good moments)

These are my goals of recovery but as to the means that I have no idea. Any ideas on the process itself would also be apprciated.

Jonathan

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#6642 - 06/20/05 06:00 PM Re: what is healing?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I posted this once.
Healing to me is a strang word. I really do not think I will ever heal. It is there like a scar and is a part of what makes me me, if you know what I mean. What I have learned to do, with help and on my own, is to recognize that the values, beliefs and emotions around the scar were pushed on my by others and were never mine. I just accepted them and lived the lie. I have learned, for the most part, to change those items to the extent that the scar is not going to inlfuence the future because that is where I am going to spend the rest of my life.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#6643 - 06/20/05 07:15 PM Re: what is healing?
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
What a great question, I know it was one I had when I started on this road. What is healing? What is recovery? The words meant little to me then but as time wears on and I continue to work on myself, alone and with my therapist, with my wife and family and friends, I think I have an understanding of what healing and recovery mean to me. I'm sure those words mean different things to different people. But I'll try to say what they mean to me.

First of all, I think the two words are interchangeable. Healing and recovery are basically the same thing to me. I think I can best explain it in a metaphorical manner. There are wounds that were caused by the abuse we suffered. Those wounds stay open, festering, infected for years and years. They stay that way until we finally realize they require attention. They need to be cleaned and bandaged and soothed.

In my case, those wounds stayed open for more than thirty years. That's going to take a lot of cleaning and bandaging and soothing. And I can't do it alone. I need others to help me reach the wounds I can't get to on my own. I need my wife and my therapist and my friends and family, a whole team of people to help me. Most of the work thought, has to come from me, from deep inside.

The infections in those wounds are of various types. They have been, at different times, drug abuse and addiction, alcohol abuse and addiction, sexually acting out, mostly with older men, in other words, I've kept the wounds open over time by hurting myself even more. The infections also come in the form of not being able to feel, of not being able to love or be loved, of not being able to trust. Anger and hatred are big ones.

But, now that I know what they are and where to find them, I can begin to look at them and treat them which is leading to my healing, my recovery. Sometimes the wounds are deeper than I thought, sometimes, to my delight, they are just little scrapes or scratches that can be taken care of quickly, easily and, almost painlessly. Usually that's not the case, but I'll take it when it happens.

I think I will be forever healing. But I get stronger all the time. The pain dissipates in some places but stays in others and then I concentrate on those areas. Like I said, it was thirty years of secrets and lies. I don't expect them to all be healed overnight. It takes patience and therapy, but it works if we keep trying. I hope this helps and I would love to hear others' definitions on healing and recovery too. Peace - John


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#6644 - 06/21/05 12:33 AM Re: what is healing?
CrazyRob Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 24
Loc: Miami, FL
For me, healing and recovery can be summed up in one statement.

I will do whatever it takes and I will not rest until what happened to me no longer has any control in my life.

This life is MINE. I claim it!

Reality is how you perceive it to be. If you don't like your reality, change the way you perceive it. You do that by changing the way you think about it. You do that by changing the words in the sentences that run through your head and by analyzing your emotions and their sources. By doing this, you take the power from the events and emotions and place it squarely in your control.

Tell yourself the truth long enough, and eventually you will believe it.

I am no longer helpless! I am a force in this world! I control my destiny! This is MY reality, you are all just guests in it!

For me it is that simple, yet not at all easy.

_________________________
"When the fight begins within himself, a man is worth something."

-Unknown

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