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#66354 - 10/24/06 06:34 AM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Trish,

It may also be that your boyfriend doesn't need that type of positive 100% support from his therapist; that he feels challenged (in a good way) to focus and make progress when he's presented with issues and problems to work on. For me personally, I would have a hard time building trust with a therapist if I felt that the level of support was unrealistic or unearned.

Quote:
it was almost like she was trying to discourage me from staying in this relationship. That this man I loved would never be able to give me what I want and need.
Is that when she asked you what you would do if he never made any progress from where he was right now?

I know I have said similar things to you, and it is really not meant as a suggestion that your boyfriend is not capable of further progress. It is about asking you to examine the present situation in a way that helps the two of you set goals for the relationship.

Hang in there--
SAR


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#66355 - 10/24/06 02:50 PM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
SAR, yes it was and as I said in previous posts, that rankled me because I thought it was a question asked too soon. I'm OK now and actually looking forward to the session tomorrow night. The little monster in my head is in check and I don't believe there is anything that will come up tomorrow that I can't handle.

There is much I need to learn about my b/f, his needs, wants and desires, what I am capable of fulfilling and where I need to stop short because he has to straighten stuff out. I believe that his T can and will give me some insights that he is unable to do at this time.

S&S, thanks for your encouragement. I know we've got a long way to go, but I believe....

I'll be sure to post an update afterwards though to let you all know what happened. I feel confident that this will be a good thing.

ROCK ON.....Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#66356 - 10/25/06 01:28 PM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trish,

It's Wednesday afternoon across the pond, but I know it's too early for your appointment to have happened yet. So in case you get up and check this thread before you go, I want you to see some good wishes and thoughts. You so deserve all the best things in the world; I hope all goes well today.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#66357 - 10/25/06 09:19 PM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Trish, I'm thinking about you too. I had my appt w/ my counselor today and it went well, some tears of mine came out because we talked about the survivor story I read, but she said I'm doing really well and learning a lot and seem ready for my husband to finally connect w/ me after all these yrs.

I really hope your T appt goes well tonight. Thinking of you,

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#66358 - 10/25/06 09:48 PM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Thanks Larry and BH - I'll be leaving the office in about 45 minutes. It never fails that when you've got to leave, catastrophe's start hitting all over the place, *Grrrrrrrr*, but short of the building catching fire, I'm outa here. Heck even if it does catch fire, what can I do? - I'm no fireman *lol*

I may or may not be on later tonight, but for sure tomorrow.

T

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#66359 - 10/26/06 12:29 AM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trish,

As ever, much love and boundless good thoughts. You are a strong person. I know that and so do you. ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#66360 - 10/26/06 02:50 AM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi all - tonight went great. There were no intense revelations and no bad news. My b/f's T was wonderful and caring and positive and encouraging to him, to me and to us. So many things happened and I'm still digesting all of it.

One of the most major things was that the T gave my b/f an out.....she told him that they really needed to decide where to go from here. That he'd made lots of progress and at this point, he needed to decide whether he wanted to continue seeing her on a regular basis on his own or just with me, once a month or so. If my b/f and I had looked at each other, I'm sure we'd have seen the other's jaw drop in shock. Luckily, we were sitting next to each other and I was closest to his T, looking right at her. It took everything I had for my neck not to swivel around like the exorcist to see his reaction, but I didn't - I waited - it only took 1/2 a second for him to say that he felt he still needed to come. Once I started breathing again, I took that opportunity to excuse myself to the ladies room and told them to work out the next appointment. When I came back to the room, no backtracking had been done and next week's appointment had been set.

As I said, so much happened tonight, all good from my perspective, but that one was huge. For those of you who know our story, I basically forced my b/f into therapy. It was either that or we ended. I did what I felt I had to do at the time, but I've continually felt guilty about it and didn't want him doing this just to please me - that would get him and us no where.

He was given an out tonight and didn't take it. He knows he needs to keep going and I think he is starting to believe that his life can be better. I'm so proud of him. After our session, we had dinner and talked nonsense, but when we got back to his house, I told him how impressed I was with him and how proud I am of him that he made a good decision for himself even though he could have walked. He doesn't accept compliments well (something else we discussed tonight) but he took this one.

I am very impressed with my guy and proud to tell the world.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#66361 - 10/26/06 04:01 AM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Happy news!! Whew, what a relief too.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#66362 - 10/26/06 06:13 AM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Trish,

Cyber Hugs to you and he. I'm so pleased. Absolutely very cool beans!

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#66363 - 10/26/06 02:04 PM Re: I've been invited back to my b/f's T
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trish,

What great news! I'm so happy it worked out well for the both of you. And it looks like the progress will continue, so good news there as well.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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