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#66049 - 10/13/06 02:37 AM Anxiety about seeing a therapist
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Just wondering, is there more anxiety about seeing a therapist before one sees one, and do most of you usually feel a little calmer after the first session, or would you say that the first session is more anxiety-producing than getting ready to see one? I am sure my hus. has anxiety about seeing one, and I'm hoping he will feel relief or calmer after the first session. Probably everyone is different and depends on the therapist too. I'm just wondering. I'm hoping that the first session will dispel some of the anxiety.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#66050 - 10/13/06 11:09 AM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london


_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#66051 - 10/13/06 12:21 PM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Brokenhearted,

For me the anticipation of seeing a T for the first time was very stressful. I had no idea what to expect, and I felt very insecure, embarrasssed and anxious. I guess I was expecting the T to launch right in with a pile of triggering private questions.

Your husband should try to relax and bear in mind that the T will know that the first task will be to gain your husband's trust. Unless your husband gives some indication that getting right to the heart of the matter is okay with him, the first sessions will probably be very general and of a "getting acquainted" nature.

It's also useful to remember that the T is there to help him and that none of what your husband says will be new to the T. They have heard these things many times in the past and are not there to judge anyone.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#66052 - 10/13/06 03:21 PM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Brokenhearted,
I second what Soapy Bubbles and Larry have said. I'd like to add a couple of observations from my experience.
Merely going to see a T somehow makes the problem more "real." I know that may seem odd, it's already obviously a problem, but usually there's been so much effort devoted to pretending it isn't one, it feels very painful to admit that you really do need help.
And so, there may be intensified anxiety about feeling exposed. Even if Ts hear it all (and they probably do) then that means they're already expecting to hear something awful from me--which means they "know" more about me than I know about them already.
I really didn't like that imbalance, and so it was important to me to find a T who was comfortable with a (professional) level of self-disclosure. But preferences & styles & techniques vary, and as SB has said, the choice is up to the client, not the T.
Sounds like things are moving along! Good luck to you all; I will be praying for you.
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#66053 - 10/13/06 06:29 PM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Thanks for all your insights. My husband and I have not talked about a therapist lately, but I just am preparing because I feel hopeful that he will decide to see one, eventually. Lord knows when!

He is out of town for 2 wks. Right now things are "stable" with us, I'm just glad we're both still together. So really we have not begun to work on the problem yet. But a lot of little things have happened ... like just speaking the words "child sexual abuse" and he's let me talk about what I've learned, and now he knows I know his "secret" and that I'm still w/ him and still love him. So we're taking it one thing at a time.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#66054 - 10/15/06 05:56 PM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Brokenhearted,

Yes. Anxiety up the ying yang! Going to a therapist for the first time is rough. I cried through the whole 2 hours, but I got the whole story out in one go. God, that felt good!

Now, in response to your last post,
Quote:
Right now things are "stable" with us, I'm just glad we're both still together. So really we have not begun to work on the problem yet. But a lot of little things have happened ... like just speaking the words "child sexual abuse" and he's let me talk about what I've learned, and now he knows I know his "secret" and that I'm still w/ him and still love him. So we're taking it one thing at a time.
It really sounds to me as if you are walking just the right line with your hubby. Baby steps, very baby steps. That's all he'll be able to handle emotionally, but he seems to be taking them with you and hopefully soon he'll be taking them on his own with you by his side.

You have my admiration and support.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#66055 - 10/16/06 01:16 AM Re: Anxiety about seeing a therapist
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
John, it is interesting. I emailed my husband some threads from this site and then got an email back from him tonight. I was afraid to open it. I thought he might be mad or tell me to stop sending him this stuff. But his email thanked me for sending him the emails. And he thanked me for doing such a great job w/ our daughter. And he said he hopes I have a nice time visiting my parents where I am right now. In short, he said more nice things in that email than he's said in about the last 6 months to me.

I honestly don't know what is going through his mind right now but it does seem like he has become somewhat humble around me, with me knowing his secret and still accepting him, rather than angry or blaming or just avoidant as he has been.

Anyone want to bet money he'll see a T by next spring? ;-) I just feel optimistic. And I would love for him to cry and get it all out. He's never shown much emotion. I would LOVE to see him HAPPY as well, I mean truly happy, joyful, glad, ALIVE. I would love to look in his eyes one day and see that he is truly ALIVE.

Is this how it is w/ a lot of you guys? You feel all the GOOD things in life now that you've allowed yourself to feel the pain of long ago and release it? If so, then what an incredible journey we are on.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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