Once we retreat behind our boundaries we take some shifting, I do anyway.
But I for one didn't really know where my boundaries lay for certain, they probably shifted daily.
So I couldn't give anyone a map.
Sometimes I needed someone to poke my boundaries with a stick to show me where I was, but I didn't want a road driven through them until I built it.
It's hard for anyone to know just how hard to poke the stick, and where to poke it.
I guess you need to think hard about how serious he is about shutting you out, if you believe there's still a chance then you need to tell him what you laid out in the origional post, maybe by letter.
He did trust you, maybe he can again.
Begging forgiveness probably wont wash, I would want someone who had pushed my buttons ( whether accidently or on purpose ) to show me that they were aware that I had buttons I didn't want to be pushed, aware that I had boundaries I wanted respecting. I would want to see that change in someone, and that's different to saying "sorry"
We heal better and quicker with someone to care and help us, and he might have seen you as that person once. I'm afraid he might take some persuading to see you in that role again, but you wont know until you try.
I said things like - 'Do I remind you of "him" - is that why you are acting this way??' This was before I even knew there was such a word as "trigering". I said things like - 'I think your problem is that you are attracted to me and don't "want" to be.'
You've been very frank in your replies to Pup' - you've thought about this and what you did and recognise that phrases like "I think your problem is...." are the buttons to avoid with this guy.
We need to get to this point ourselves, but support is wonderful if we have it, we need someone to bounce our ideas and thoughts off. It's ok if someone disagrees with my ideas, and if they're right I'll accept that, but I need to arrive at those ideas my way.
We're giving you a bit of a kicking here I know, and it's not intended to be nasty to you.
You obviously care enough about this guy to want to help, you come to this site and are willing to learn from our experiences.
I hope you make a difference, but first off I think you need to convince him that you care enough to have made some changes.
I hope it works.