Lies and deciept is what gets us through our days until we decide to change our lives, as I think you have by recognizing what you're doing.
It's our coping mechanism, and we were taught to lie by our abusers telling us to lie for them.
"You musn't tell anyone about what we do, this is our little secret"
And we believed them.
It took me 31 years to stop lying for them, and it's the hardest thing I ever did.
But it's worth every scrap of effort, check out the "All Lies" post started by Don-NY and see how lies dominate our lives.
I bet you can add a few of your own Focus.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau