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#65620 - 10/06/06 05:34 AM Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
I've copied this post to the F&F forum at the request of the author. Welcome to MS sis. \:\)

Quote:
Hi my name is sis. I am a female survivor and a member of another survivors network, mostly women. I have two members of my family who are male and survivors. We also have a male who is in our group. His mom was his perp and i can imagine it has been hard for him to work with us, considering we are women. But the good news is he is reaching out. I wanted to check you guys out before giving him your website just to make sure you are legite for his own protection. I had repressed my abuse, years 1-12. but a few years ago they started to surface. I have lost everything and am being treated for PTSD as well as other related issues. I am now living with adult son who is 22. Also a victim, some 20 years ago. He knows what i am doing as far as recovery. He was sexually abused and tortured but has no memory. We have discussed his abuse briefly a few days ago. I am afraid that i will trigger him. I do see some signs of PTSD but those signs started when he saw his mom lose her mind. I don't want to trigger him but i also want him to see that this stuff does not go away and he may have to deal with it at some time. I don't want to push him. I try to keep most of my healing work to myself but throw little hints to him on occassion, like leaving one of my books out for him to see. I don't want him to go through what i have went through over the last few years. Am i doing the right things? okay, now i have my brother who was also raised by the same perp. HE is killing himself with alcohol and drugs and has severe self image problems. About 6 months ago he asked me over the phone did i think that the perp got to him too. I said yes. That was all that was said until last month when i went to see him. Over shots of wiskey for breakfast we started to have THE conversation, not a good idea. I told him that he was abused by our perp. He said i was crazy and i told him he was in denial. My brother was there when my son showed us what the perp did to him, many years ago. He could not stand up for us. He had a break down and committed a crime to purposefuly go back to prison. Nothing was ever done to the perp do to denial of the abuse and blaming me for putting those thoughts into my childs head. My brother has alot quilt and confusion. For him this is a life or death matter at this time. He has hep c and needs treatment but they won't give him treatment unless he quits drinking. I have survivors guilt because it has messed him up worse than me. I have not spoken to him lately and have tried not to say too much about what i am going through because it causes him to do more damage to himself. He can't take it. I don't want my brother to die. How can i help him? I believe that when a boy is abused it effects them worse than girls atleast it has for my brother. I know this is long but i need help. I am confused and hurt. I am mourning my own child inside and know how painful that is. How can i help these men without causing more damage to any of us. thank you sis



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#65621 - 10/06/06 11:37 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london


_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#65622 - 10/06/06 12:42 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I am so sorry all this is happening to you and around you; the pressure of it all must be unbelievable. My own suggestion would be that you need to take care of yourself first. I know you want and need to help others, but in order to do this effectively you will need your own strength and confidence, right?

Concerning your son and brother, the basic problem now seems to be that they aren't ready to face their issues and seek help. A very hard reality of recovery is that the survivor has to make all the decisions himself; he has to admit he's in trouble, decide to get help, and then commit to the work that needs to be done. Unfortunately none of this can be rushed.

Others may have better ideas for you, but at the moment all I can think of is be frank about what you know, let them see that you care and are ready to listen to them and believe them, assure them that they are not to blame for anything that happened, and perhaps show them a good book on the subject. You can keep sending this message, but after that it's up to them.

You are right to be cautious about websites for survivors. This one is the best in my view. It's run by volunteers, but on a professional level - the Board of Directors and admin team include lawyers, therapists, and police officers and FBI agents who work with child abuse cases. The site is heavily monitored to keep us all safe here, and I think it would be a great thing for your son and brother to check us out.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#65623 - 10/06/06 04:04 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you sb and larry
I had a very hard day yesterday. I am an alcoholic and have not been drinking. yesterday the pressure was too much and i drank 2 beers and it always causes problems in my family, which it did. Yes i have been carring this burden for my family alone for years. I tried to relay to my mom yesterday that i wanted her to keep her husband away from me and my children. She shot me down as usual. she said that my son was a grown man and he could make his own decissions. After losing it yesterday, crying, etc... causing my son to have a panick attack and not be able to sleep and missing work today. My son agreed to wwrite her a letter requesting that she not bring the perp around him anymore. None of this has been easy. I tried to commit suicide in april and was on life support for a while. I just gave up. I can't keep hurting myself or my kids. It was a miracle that i lived. I had it set up to where nobody would know what i was doing. I went to a motel. My frriend had a bad feeling and sent someone to check on me from another county. I was not breathing but here i am. for a reason i suppose. if for nothing else not to cause my family any more pain. My children are great kids who don't deserve this crap. anyway than yu for your support. Universal luv, sis


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#65624 - 10/06/06 07:55 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Sis,

I don't even know what to say except that I'm so sorry for the hurt you and your family are sufferring.

Please take care of yourself Sis, if you don't, then each of the people you are trying to hold up will simply fall with you.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#65625 - 10/06/06 09:27 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank You Trish. And yes, I am standing up again. A little off center but i won't give up. universal luv
Sis


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#65626 - 10/06/06 09:33 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Good for you! And btw, there's nothing wrong with a little off center ;\)

ROCK ON......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#65627 - 10/07/06 12:11 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

"Off-center" rules girl!!!!! \:\)

Wobbling along, but still, much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#65628 - 10/07/06 08:29 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Sis,

I've read through this thread and am moved with compassion for you and the situation you find yourself in. The others have shared excellent advise with you regarding your male family members which I won't bother to repeat to you except to say that all you can do is love them where they are and be ready to share when they indicate they are ready to move forward.

And yes, off center is REAL good! Normal people frighten me! \:D

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#65629 - 10/07/06 03:54 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you John
I agree with you about normal people being frightening !!! The "normal" ones that i have had the displeasure of meeting are My mom and our perp., her husband. My cousin who is a "normal" school teacher who has never believed me about our abuse and others who at some point should have seen the signs that me and my brother were being brutalized at home and done something. I have felt sorry for any child in crisis that has my cousin for a teacher because there will be no help for them, not from her (scary). I have good news. I talked to my brother last night briefly and he said that he is trying not to drink. I'll take (TRYING) anyday, Right on !! I am talking more openly with my son about what i am going through and he is being very supportive and he is not as fragile as i see him. He is my son. I love him and will always feel the need to protect him from any harm. Also, i gave your site addy to the maale survivor i spoke of in my first post. It has not been released to our posting site yet because we only have one person reviewing our posts but he will get it and i am sure that he will feel as safe as i do here. I have one more thing to share. I was told that i had to inform my mom, which i have tried many times, that i wanted her to respect my wishes, and keep her creepy husband away from my kids. Before i can get an order of protection to keep him away. She did what she always does and said that my son was a grown man who could make his own decisions and hung up on me, after saying that, she threw in, I am at work and i refuse to talk to you about this here. There has always been an excuse for her not to talk to me. Bcause i was angry, she was at work, just got home from work, i was drunk, anything to shoot me down and not have to listen. So what i did was, and i hope i don't get myself in trouble for this, is called and left a message on her supervisors answering machine. I told her that Rita, who is somewhat of an official, was not what she appearred to be. That her husband was a child mollester who uses animals and torture to commit his crimes against children and that she allows it to happen. I did this the other day when i had lost it. I am angry and it is time that i start putting that anger where in belongs. I have always turned it inward and we all know how damaging that is. My friend, who is an attorney suggested that i have my son write a letter to my mom telling heer to keep him away, he has agreed. He told me tht i would be able to get an order of protection for my 2 youngest kids because they are minors but would have a difficult time getting one for my oldest son because he is an adult.My two youngest children live in a different state and he has never been able to get his hands on them but mere thought of him being able to even see them thows my into a panic. Anyway, thank you for being here for me. yu guys have been great. sent with universal love and support. SIS


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#65630 - 10/10/06 12:30 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
To any male survivor who can give support. this is sis. I am alittle more stable and doing better. I had worried so much about my family that i had made health issues worse. day before yesterday i wanted to drink, but did not. i cried instead. my sweet son and i are actually really talking. not about the abuse per se, but about the effects of PTSD and his showing signs. much progress. I am glad that there is thise group, for when he is ready i have a place to send him. His blood pressure was high yesterday and after we were able to talk about the effects of trauma on the body, in a non specific way. his BP normalized. i just reafirmed how talking and getting things out helped our health. I am doing some exerces that bring more light into my body and in doing so and transmuting some of my anger into possitive action. I feel that things are going to be okay with my family as long as i take care of myself. i am not counting on any thing from my son yet but i have a feeling that he will be reaching out for answers of his own someday. i am his mom and possibly too emotionaly involed to be of much service to him, other than by example. when he is ready he will need other men. thank you, things are looking up. sis


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#65631 - 10/10/06 02:08 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I am so glad you are able to let all these things out here in F&F. I personally think it's so tremendously important to talk, and you yourself comment on how much it has done for your health.

I am also glad to see you are doing more to take care of yourself. We often neglect that in our efforts to help others, but the simple fact is that we can hardly help others much when we ourselves are in bad shape. When I say I have to be strong for myself first I'm being practical, not selfish.

I too hope that your son will come here and talk about his issues. That first step is hard, but so important. But don't think you are "too emotionally involved to be of much service to him". My mother's concern and love is vital to me, and I see no reason why your son would feel differently about your role.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#65632 - 10/10/06 05:40 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Larry,
Thank you for getting back so soon. Our women's on line support has only one moderator and sometimes she dosn't post for a while, nothing posted since yesterday morn. On-line support is all i have for support at this time. I started my recovery for PTSD about 6 months ago. In treatment my counselor would ask me where i was when we would talk. i said, i am right here, what do you mean? I had seen a picture of a child on the wall in one of our process groups. I had seen this picture many times before, a normal pic. one day i glanced at the picture and it became this little girl being abused. I could'nt believe my eyes. I went to my couselor and told of my experience and that i didn't understand. I told her that i didn't understand anything that was happening to me. she told me point blank, that was you. I broke down. yes i do understand now what she meant when she said i wasn't there. In sept. I re-entered my body on my 42nd birthday. plain as day, i felt it (plunk). Now, i can see her and feel her. when i drank the other day, she left again. she's back. it dosn't take much for her to leave. the reason i am bringing this up is because the other day i could'nt believe this was real, but i know it is. OMG! No body but another survivor would believe me without thinking i was crazy. I thought my counselor was crazy when she said that. How wrong i was. I have thoughts and emotions that come up daily. I need to get them out or i fear i will lose my mind. I never really cried before and now it seems that i spend most of my mornings doing that. I have been told that it gets better but it feels like i won't ever get through this, yet deep in my soul i know i will, i have to. I do my crying, my soul work while i am alone in the morning so that i can show some kind of strength for my son when he gets home. thank you for extending your hand to me. Sis


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#65633 - 10/10/06 06:00 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Sis,
I am so sorry that you have gone through all of this. My heart is with you and your children.
I am also a survivor--a woman and a mother now myself--and I am posting here on this site for the first time as of yesterday. What brought me here was trying to cope with the issues that my boyfriend is having as a survivor. He is now one year into acknowledgment of having been abused as a child, and the devastating effects have been and still are horribly difficult for him, me and us together.
But I am not writing to tell you that, because you know how difficult it has been already. I am writing to tell you that I went through the early stages of my own recovery process about 15 years ago now, and I also could not believe how difficult it was to start down that road. I want to encourage you not to give up on your healing. It is possible, even if the pain is great now, to get much better. You will find that you can take pleasure in so many things, as if you had never seen or heard or felt or tasted them before. Or smelled. I remember one day after a good therapy session, walking into a market and picking up a basket of fresh strawberries, and thinking that I had never smelled them before, ever. That is something I had no idea I was missing. You too can heal. Please give yourself the chance.
And your support for your children is enormously positive. My boyfriend is struggling now with feeling terribly betrayed by his mother who was not emotionally present enough then to be protective of him. It is so much better to try to address this stuff sooner than later.
Please take care of yourself--that helps us all. Please do whatever works for you in maintaining the sobriety. You are worth it!
I must get back to work, but I will be thinking of you from where I am.
Honey Girl

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65634 - 10/10/06 08:26 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Honey Girl
Thank you for the encouraging words. Yes, someday i would like to smell the strawberries too!! The most pain that i suffer is the betrayal of my mother, then and now. I sometimes think it is worse that the actual abuse. Your boyfriend is very fortunate to have a wondeerful person like you on his side. please if you have time i would like to correspond with you in the future. sometimes all i think about is child abuse, sexual abuse, and the like. I need to here that it gets better and that maybe my dreams of having a happy life someday, with my children at my side is possible. thank you again, Sis


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#65635 - 10/11/06 02:03 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

Quote:
I need to here that it gets better and that maybe my dreams of having a happy life someday, with my children at my side is possible.
It is possible indeed, and I believe you will get there. But try to take note of the positive things around you even now. My mother has a cool plaque in her kitchen that says it all: "Along the way take time to smell the flowers."

Sometimes it's difficult to do this, but in fact I think it does us a lot of good to refuse to allow abuse to define us, even when that task seems very hard.

Or should I say: ESPECIALLY when that task seems very hard.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#65636 - 10/11/06 12:54 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you Larry
I am amazed at the support that i have recieved from this site (F&F). Even the male survivors that i have recieved posts from have been of the utmost importance to me. You guys are truly a wonderful group. You have not pushed me out because i am female, thank god. I think we all suffer about the same, men or women. I still in my heart think that this type of abuse is harder on men though. The reason being that men are, by our society, told to suck it up, show no emotion, be strong, etc... But as i see it takes great strength to admit that there is a problem and reach out for support. My son is having signs of PTSD and he insists that it has something to do with his heart. He gets pissed when he sees a DR. and they tell him that it is anxiety. He said he going to see another DR. and not tell them that he has ever been diagnosed with anxiety, so they will do the correct tests, etc... I told him yesterday that he is a man and can handle this matter how he sees fit but when he wants the real answers that i have them and when he is ready i would be happy to share that with him. I am an R.N. and i know that they have done the correct tests. When he is ready he will be ready and not a moment sooner. I love that we are able to talk even if it is in code sometimes, (LOL).See, look today is better i can laugh today. What a blessing. My existance is more than our abuse. I intend to smell the flowers today. To take the time to do something that i enjoy. Thank you so much for everything and please don't stop sharing with me. Universal luv, Sis


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#65637 - 10/12/06 12:31 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Hi, Sis--
I had just finished what I thought was a great post to you when I lost it! \:\( Guess that'll teach me to write a longish one and not import it.
Anyway, I will write it out, better, and post it when I get on line later tonight. Have to make some dinner and get set for tomorrow first.
Meanwhile, it is great to hear that you are feeling better today. Hooray!
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65638 - 10/12/06 02:23 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank's HG, i am going to take somewhat of a break from this part of my life today. Get rested emotionaly. Tomarrow i have a victims advocate coming to pick me up at 9a to take me to the court house to see if i can get a protective order against my families perp. I need all the strenght i can muster up. Have a Really good day. universa luv, sis


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#65639 - 10/13/06 11:03 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
Hello Sis,

I hope the meeting at the court house goes well. You're taking a brave step and we're all right there with you.

SB x

_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#65640 - 10/13/06 12:23 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I will be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts today. Stay strong in the knowledge that you are doing what has to be done. I hope all goes well.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#65641 - 10/13/06 01:19 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
To all
This is the first time ever that i have taken a legal stand aggainst this man who has reaked havoc on my family for over 30 years. Him and the ones that have protected him, especially my mom, are in for a rude awakening. I am tired. My family deserves happiness too. I am frightened a little but not much. Anyone who would hurt children the way he has is a coward and he is probably more afraid of me than i am of him. i know that this journey is one that i am not alone. I have universal spiritual support and that means you guys too. Sis, thank you


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#65642 - 10/13/06 01:48 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Go for it Sis. Everyone here has got your back. I can't imagine anything more difficult or more rewarding than seeing this man get what he deserves which I will not set forth here as I am a lady. ;\)

ROCK ON......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#65643 - 10/13/06 02:04 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
You are so brave, Sis! No matter what happens--though I will pray for the best--the important thing to you and to your brother and your children will be that you took a stand and spoke the truth. Indeed, he is afraid of you. How strong you are to do this, after all you've gone through. Everyone who cares about you and yours is cheering you on: you can take our support with you wherever you go.
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65644 - 10/13/06 02:41 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
To all,
One more thing that i couldn't say before, cuz guys getting up and ready for work. I was told to contact the local PD where the abuse happend, i did. a detective called me back said no DA would take the case due to the ammount of time gone by. He did look up my perps address, where we used to live. I was surprised at the info that they asked me. I had not given them the exact address but they knew it. They askedd me if he was 50 something years old. I said yes, then they asked my age. Why would they have thaat info. bout him in there computer, 30 years later? Is there something going on? I know that he used to have neighbor kids oveer and get them high and drunk. Maybe someone else has come forward maybe years ago? i am starting to remember some of the kids names that used to come to our house. When i get alittle stronger in the near future. I will see what i can do to find these people. Just maybe i won't be the only one talking. I know that this is pretty unlikely but i have to try. I did not want this fight. It seems tht my whole life has been fighting. fighting for the rights of me and my kids, without support, i might add. But the universe is knocking on my door and it's really time to fight now. I will muster up all the strength that i have to fight this and continue to fight until there is resolution, what ever that is. Only the universal spirit knows. and thank you Trish for your encouraging words. Sis


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#65645 - 10/14/06 02:48 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Hey all
good news!!!!!!!!! i had the most wondeful judge. i not only got all the protection that i asked for but because this case is so complicated, several different states. she gave me protection unhtil i can get the legal issues in the right state taken care of and we have a plan. FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!! i can't believe this but there is a god!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you, sis


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#65646 - 10/14/06 08:00 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

Congratulations! It sounds like you got a judge who really knows what she's doing and cares abut such cases. I hope you get the security you need out of this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#65647 - 10/14/06 11:03 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Larry
i don't know why you continually respond to me, but i do appreciate it. yes for once in 30 years i did have someone listen with compassion. My God why does it take a person to be broken in order for smoeone to listen? What ever, all i know is this. i am getting stronger!!!!!!!! and as far as i am concerned any one who hurts a child should be let go in prison with the ones who were hurt as children by these freeks. i suppose that's the way it should be. only anger coming from my lips. No way to win a war! thank you SiS


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#65648 - 10/15/06 05:31 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Sis,

So pleased that you have received the legal protection you need. Good job! You kept at it and fought the good fight.

Huge hugs to you.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#65649 - 10/16/06 10:11 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
Hi Sis,
WELL DONE!!
Fantastic news.
The going will be tough but you've taken the huge first step and got the legal support you deserve.
We'll be here with you every step of the way too.
SB x

_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#65650 - 10/16/06 02:40 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Congratulations Sis! That was a very hard thing to do and YOU did it!

ROCK ON.......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#65651 - 10/16/06 04:07 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you all here at this site. Your support has meant the world to me. universal luv, Sis


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#65652 - 10/17/06 04:11 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Hey, to everyone. I thought that getting the protective order for myself and my children would give me a sense of victory and it has to a certain extent. Then finding a server to serve him in another state became challenging to me. i had to call the victims advocate to make the calls for me. I panicked!!! I was in a state of panic most of the day yesterday. I called the crisis hotline that the advocate gave me. I was afraid of the men in the house where i live. I know these young men and they would never hurt me, i have been like a second mom to them. But, i couldn't get rid of the panic. when i spoke to the advocate she asked me if i had ever had treatment for my abuse? i told her that i had been to counseling for my son years ago and i had seen a couselor recently long enough to find out what i was going through but, no. I had never had my own counseling. WHAT A CONCEPT !!! Help for me. I have my first real therapy starting friday. My son came home early yesterdy and we were able to talk. I shared openly with him about what i was going through and about my counseling. He will be home early friday to take me. When i panic, i feel the NEED to run and all i could think about was that i had to get out of here!!!!!! As the universe has set it up for me, i have no car, no money, and no way to run. Now it is time for me to face the demons from my past and to finaly help myself. I know that this is not funny but this morning as i cry, i can also laugh. My favorite saying and doing has been F off i am leaving. God is saying yes dear you are leaving. Yu are leaving on friday to see a counselor (LOL). thank yu for the support here. My god this is hard work. Sis


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#65653 - 10/18/06 07:57 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Oh, Sis.
I can completely understand why you would be laughing and crying, both.
Congratulations on getting your PO--and for being so brave to take the next steps too.
Your family will be so thrilled to have you willing to stay and face those demons.
(I had my own issues all of last week, coping with my reactions to that behavior from my bf--I got so tired of the up-and-down I just didn't want to report on it any more--so in an odd way, it is actually very helpful to me to hear you say why you have had this pattern ;\)
We all will be here cheering for you, too. I know it's not easy, but you CAN do it. We here and everyone you know from your other support sources will be on your side when you get weary.
Hooray for you!!!
Honey Girl

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65654 - 10/19/06 03:37 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Honey Girl
Yes, i feel stronger today. I also am glad that i get to see a counselor tomarrow. Since i can't RUN i need to talk about my reasons for running, actually i feel like i need to scream it. I wasn't aware that i even had that issue, (RUNNING). I always ran from life using alcohol or anything that would make me not feel, see, touch,or smell what was going on around me. It was my ex-bf that made me see it in full swing. He lived out in the country so when i left i would usually take off down a dark road, no where to be found, or nothing to find. Lots deer, and wild animals. there was many times we would go into a city and i would make my run for it. I would wait for him to stop for a coke or something and i would sneak away. I had made him pull over at truck rest and let me out and i would ask someone to give me a ride 4 hours away. the last time i ran, i really ran to another state and here i am. I believe i was in the crisis state of my recovery. My bf and my Dr. figured out that i had other issues besides the drinking. At first i told them no way. but one thing led to another and i was forced to see the damage tht was caused me by my abuse. My ex-bf talks to me most everyday, he truly is a great person and has helped me through my really hard times, even when i would run he would somehow find me and help me. He has had his limit though and now that i know that my behavoir has been so dysfunctional that it has caused pain to others in the most profound way that all in my life, mostly myself, needs to heal. I found a church that i am fond of, i have new age beliefs, and there is one about 6 miles from here. Two positive things for me. One baby step at a time right? I have mentioned some of my running behavoir to you because maybe it can help you understand alittle more to help in your situation. Also this is the first time that i actually wrote about this and to see it in black and white is quite SOBERING ! I hope you have a great day and thank you for responding to my posts. talk to you again, universal luv and support. Sis


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#65655 - 10/19/06 09:16 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Hey, Sis--
Thanks for being willing to share your story with me; I appreciate your honesty. Thank goodness that you have been able to survive this long, even if it has taken a toll.
You know, in so much of what you have posted here so far, you have shown yourself willing to fight on behalf of other people who are close to you. I wonder if you are not now also learning that you are worth fighting for, too.
I have never found it very easy to stick up for myself--it's always easier for me to do it for others. But, I have come to understand that we are ALL worth the effort. We're ALL worth loving. Even if we have a hard time admitting it to ourselves....
I hope that you find a good community of people at the church near you. I don't have a lot of church experience, but I do know that finding a good match--of people who are willing to know you for yourself, who you really are--is a great blessing. It might take a while to figure that out. No rush; take your time. Baby steps are plenty.
I am going to be sharing a lot of my own life history (sexual abuse, broken marriages, radical breaks with my own past--a different kind of running:) with a small group at my church next Monday. It's scary to me, but I think it'll be ok after all. And if not, then it's an important thing to learn.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Good luck tomorrow! I hope that you find you can work well with the therapist you're going to see. It's all a journey....
She (?) will probably tell you this, but it’s worth hearing lots of times. Recovery can be very liberating and can give you energy you never knew you had—but it can also be very draining and tiring. It is really important for you to attend to your physical health as best as you possibly can when you are going through active emotional healing, too. I know you’re facing a lot of financial limits, but I will pray that you can find a way to get the support you need to get by.
Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65656 - 10/19/06 11:38 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you HG,
I too hope the best for you and please let me know how things go at church. May the universe give you the divine words that will be able to touch another and i hope that it is healing for you too. Much luv, Sis


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#65657 - 10/20/06 04:26 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
to all that has supported me through this. I have all the paper work for service for the sherrif where the perp lives and it goes out in the mail today. one down. I was looking at a piece of crystal yesterday and i thought how much my mom would love that and i almost felt guuilty for standing up for myself but when i got home and looked in my son's drawer, where he said he kept the stamps, i found a letter to him from my mom. Dated in aug, 06, 4 months after my suicide attempt. she had brought the perp., my son's perp too, to see him and was just going on about how nice the visit was. Not once has she made any attempt to see if i was okay. she also signed the letter grandma and grandpa. okay, that did it. I honestly believe that they were trying to send me insane so i mighy actually complete the act of suicide, so that they would be scot free. Well, it back fired. the letter just reminded me how dangerous these people are to my emotional health and i can not feel sorry for them. i don't enjoy hurting anyone but i also need to protect myself and my kids. today i start therapy and the letter goes out in the mail. I have also been looking for an attorney to represent me in a civil case against them, it was only him but now after the letter and her trying to protect her husband at my own demise/ her daughter, i have been left with no choice. My strength is improving. I told my son that "isn't this ironic? i took care of you 15-20 years ago and got you to counseling and helped you with your healing and now you are doing the same for me. WOW! Falling in love with my life again and my kids. what a blessing. universal luv and support, Sis


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#65658 - 10/21/06 03:05 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

What a powerful post. I'm glad you have followed through and are having the papers served now.

I was so moved when I saw you saying this:

Quote:
Falling in love with my life again and my kids. what a blessing.
That's the kind of thing that becomes possible when we write the toxic people - even if they are relatives - out of our lives and reclaim our own right to joy and fulfillment.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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