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#65630 - 10/10/06 12:30 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
To any male survivor who can give support. this is sis. I am alittle more stable and doing better. I had worried so much about my family that i had made health issues worse. day before yesterday i wanted to drink, but did not. i cried instead. my sweet son and i are actually really talking. not about the abuse per se, but about the effects of PTSD and his showing signs. much progress. I am glad that there is thise group, for when he is ready i have a place to send him. His blood pressure was high yesterday and after we were able to talk about the effects of trauma on the body, in a non specific way. his BP normalized. i just reafirmed how talking and getting things out helped our health. I am doing some exerces that bring more light into my body and in doing so and transmuting some of my anger into possitive action. I feel that things are going to be okay with my family as long as i take care of myself. i am not counting on any thing from my son yet but i have a feeling that he will be reaching out for answers of his own someday. i am his mom and possibly too emotionaly involed to be of much service to him, other than by example. when he is ready he will need other men. thank you, things are looking up. sis


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#65631 - 10/10/06 02:08 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I am so glad you are able to let all these things out here in F&F. I personally think it's so tremendously important to talk, and you yourself comment on how much it has done for your health.

I am also glad to see you are doing more to take care of yourself. We often neglect that in our efforts to help others, but the simple fact is that we can hardly help others much when we ourselves are in bad shape. When I say I have to be strong for myself first I'm being practical, not selfish.

I too hope that your son will come here and talk about his issues. That first step is hard, but so important. But don't think you are "too emotionally involved to be of much service to him". My mother's concern and love is vital to me, and I see no reason why your son would feel differently about your role.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#65632 - 10/10/06 05:40 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Larry,
Thank you for getting back so soon. Our women's on line support has only one moderator and sometimes she dosn't post for a while, nothing posted since yesterday morn. On-line support is all i have for support at this time. I started my recovery for PTSD about 6 months ago. In treatment my counselor would ask me where i was when we would talk. i said, i am right here, what do you mean? I had seen a picture of a child on the wall in one of our process groups. I had seen this picture many times before, a normal pic. one day i glanced at the picture and it became this little girl being abused. I could'nt believe my eyes. I went to my couselor and told of my experience and that i didn't understand. I told her that i didn't understand anything that was happening to me. she told me point blank, that was you. I broke down. yes i do understand now what she meant when she said i wasn't there. In sept. I re-entered my body on my 42nd birthday. plain as day, i felt it (plunk). Now, i can see her and feel her. when i drank the other day, she left again. she's back. it dosn't take much for her to leave. the reason i am bringing this up is because the other day i could'nt believe this was real, but i know it is. OMG! No body but another survivor would believe me without thinking i was crazy. I thought my counselor was crazy when she said that. How wrong i was. I have thoughts and emotions that come up daily. I need to get them out or i fear i will lose my mind. I never really cried before and now it seems that i spend most of my mornings doing that. I have been told that it gets better but it feels like i won't ever get through this, yet deep in my soul i know i will, i have to. I do my crying, my soul work while i am alone in the morning so that i can show some kind of strength for my son when he gets home. thank you for extending your hand to me. Sis


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#65633 - 10/10/06 06:00 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Sis,
I am so sorry that you have gone through all of this. My heart is with you and your children.
I am also a survivor--a woman and a mother now myself--and I am posting here on this site for the first time as of yesterday. What brought me here was trying to cope with the issues that my boyfriend is having as a survivor. He is now one year into acknowledgment of having been abused as a child, and the devastating effects have been and still are horribly difficult for him, me and us together.
But I am not writing to tell you that, because you know how difficult it has been already. I am writing to tell you that I went through the early stages of my own recovery process about 15 years ago now, and I also could not believe how difficult it was to start down that road. I want to encourage you not to give up on your healing. It is possible, even if the pain is great now, to get much better. You will find that you can take pleasure in so many things, as if you had never seen or heard or felt or tasted them before. Or smelled. I remember one day after a good therapy session, walking into a market and picking up a basket of fresh strawberries, and thinking that I had never smelled them before, ever. That is something I had no idea I was missing. You too can heal. Please give yourself the chance.
And your support for your children is enormously positive. My boyfriend is struggling now with feeling terribly betrayed by his mother who was not emotionally present enough then to be protective of him. It is so much better to try to address this stuff sooner than later.
Please take care of yourself--that helps us all. Please do whatever works for you in maintaining the sobriety. You are worth it!
I must get back to work, but I will be thinking of you from where I am.
Honey Girl

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65634 - 10/10/06 08:26 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Honey Girl
Thank you for the encouraging words. Yes, someday i would like to smell the strawberries too!! The most pain that i suffer is the betrayal of my mother, then and now. I sometimes think it is worse that the actual abuse. Your boyfriend is very fortunate to have a wondeerful person like you on his side. please if you have time i would like to correspond with you in the future. sometimes all i think about is child abuse, sexual abuse, and the like. I need to here that it gets better and that maybe my dreams of having a happy life someday, with my children at my side is possible. thank you again, Sis


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#65635 - 10/11/06 02:03 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

Quote:
I need to here that it gets better and that maybe my dreams of having a happy life someday, with my children at my side is possible.
It is possible indeed, and I believe you will get there. But try to take note of the positive things around you even now. My mother has a cool plaque in her kitchen that says it all: "Along the way take time to smell the flowers."

Sometimes it's difficult to do this, but in fact I think it does us a lot of good to refuse to allow abuse to define us, even when that task seems very hard.

Or should I say: ESPECIALLY when that task seems very hard.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#65636 - 10/11/06 12:54 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you Larry
I am amazed at the support that i have recieved from this site (F&F). Even the male survivors that i have recieved posts from have been of the utmost importance to me. You guys are truly a wonderful group. You have not pushed me out because i am female, thank god. I think we all suffer about the same, men or women. I still in my heart think that this type of abuse is harder on men though. The reason being that men are, by our society, told to suck it up, show no emotion, be strong, etc... But as i see it takes great strength to admit that there is a problem and reach out for support. My son is having signs of PTSD and he insists that it has something to do with his heart. He gets pissed when he sees a DR. and they tell him that it is anxiety. He said he going to see another DR. and not tell them that he has ever been diagnosed with anxiety, so they will do the correct tests, etc... I told him yesterday that he is a man and can handle this matter how he sees fit but when he wants the real answers that i have them and when he is ready i would be happy to share that with him. I am an R.N. and i know that they have done the correct tests. When he is ready he will be ready and not a moment sooner. I love that we are able to talk even if it is in code sometimes, (LOL).See, look today is better i can laugh today. What a blessing. My existance is more than our abuse. I intend to smell the flowers today. To take the time to do something that i enjoy. Thank you so much for everything and please don't stop sharing with me. Universal luv, Sis


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#65637 - 10/12/06 12:31 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Hi, Sis--
I had just finished what I thought was a great post to you when I lost it! \:\( Guess that'll teach me to write a longish one and not import it.
Anyway, I will write it out, better, and post it when I get on line later tonight. Have to make some dinner and get set for tomorrow first.
Meanwhile, it is great to hear that you are feeling better today. Hooray!
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#65638 - 10/12/06 02:23 PM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank's HG, i am going to take somewhat of a break from this part of my life today. Get rested emotionaly. Tomarrow i have a victims advocate coming to pick me up at 9a to take me to the court house to see if i can get a protective order against my families perp. I need all the strenght i can muster up. Have a Really good day. universa luv, sis


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#65639 - 10/13/06 11:03 AM Re: Moved for SIS-- seeking help for brother and son
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
Hello Sis,

I hope the meeting at the court house goes well. You're taking a brave step and we're all right there with you.

SB x

_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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