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#6525 - 09/23/02 02:22 PM Re: NOMSV
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The only recent experience I have of abusers is watching some good documentaries and reading about them. Not much more than most non proffesionals I suppose.

And the thing that strikes me most is just how fine a line it is between acting out and abusing.
Every time I see or read about an abuser giving his "reasons" for what they did they describe the same unrelenting force that drives them to commit their acts.
And to my untrained eye it's the same unrelenting force that drove me to act out with other men, and that scares me.

What is the small difference between choosing to act out with men and continuing the cycle of abuse with other children, what small bit of fate directs some of us one way and others the other ?

The other important point is that if these forces are so similar then control and treatment over abusers must have some chance.
I haven't acted out for over four years, but I don't deny the impulse still has some life left.
And another thing I can't predict is whether some kind of major upheaval in my life might send me retreating into my old comfort zone and acting out.

My view is that abusers must be contained securely for these reasons, nobody can guarantee
the success of treatment. Although it must be continued.
Release back into the community could only possibly take place under a very high level of monitoring and faith in the treatment. Unfortunately I for one know how easy it is to assure someone "I'm ok - honestly" I do it to my wife sometimes when I'm having a bad day and I don't want to concern her any more than I have to. It's wrong for both of us I know, but it's the easy option.

there's much to be learned and it has to be done, one day if they can "cure" abusers they will also "cure" us. Unfortunately some of us have a lot in common with them - we both acted out our fantasies - thankfully mine never involved another generation of innocent children.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#6526 - 09/24/02 07:01 PM Re: NOMSV
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Ken,
Thank you from my perspective on what you have said. A few years ago, I don't think I could have understood what you are saying, but I am beginning to. Thank you for being open and honest because after I reread your post a couple of times, I think there will be much more that I can glean from it. It helps to put things in perspective for me I think.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

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http://www.donshetterly.com

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