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#65074 - 03/23/03 08:50 AM WOW, more progress
taipan Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
Sorry to you all that this is becoming my personal diary or therapy session. It really helps to post and receive support here!
After posting my 4 am post, I went back to bed a little discouraged. I wasn't able to pin down an emotion that was causing my anxiety. Just as I was getting back to sleep, Lori woke up and went to the bathroom. I sensed she was in a lot of pain so I went out to check on her. She had slept through the night so she missed a dose of her pain meds so she was in a lot of pain (1 to 10 scale it was an 8). So I helped her get into bed, get her meds and some ginger ale. I was being careful not to be over bearing, over imposing or nervous. As I was helping prop up her pillows, I felt sudden anxiety in my stomach and actually felt like I was going to be sick. So I went to get myself some ginger ale and took a xanax. I went back up to just sit and be there for her. I didn't pace around, get nervous or flee (in the past I would flee from situations like this when I felt anxious....fight or flight response).
Her meds started to work and she settled in to go back to sleep and I went out for my early morning walk.
I realized that my anxiousness was caused by seeing Lori in pain and that brought about feelings of pain, lack of control, and helplessness! All familiar feeling from both my SA and Lori going through cancer twice. So I guess I am feeling similar feelings (that I previously avoided or buried, and never addressed) from different traumas! And now that I recognize and experience the feelings....maybe the anxiousness within will start to subside!!
So it was great progress for me today. I think I will take the kids out to diner tonight as a treat and a pat on the pack for me. I am very proud of myself for working through the anxiousness to get to the feelings.
Thanks once again to all of you for listening!
Ed


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#65075 - 03/23/03 03:25 PM Re: WOW, more progress
stride Offline
Member

Registered: 03/07/03
Posts: 202
Loc: B.C. Canada
Hi Taipan,

I, for one, am glad that you are finding it helpful to process your thoughts and feelings here. Your progress is encouraging for me, too.

I find that this forum has become an oasis for me also--finally, a place to process and share stuff with people who can not only empathize but offer much-desired insights and support! THANK YOU to whoever started the MS site and all of those who share here.

Know that you, Lori, and your children are in our prayers, Taipan. And again, your sharing is a gift which I am honoured to be a part of.

Stride

_________________________
In the right formation,
the lifting power of many wings can
achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.

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#65076 - 03/23/03 07:58 PM Re: WOW, more progress
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Ed

Quote:
I realized that my anxiousness was caused by seeing Lori in pain and that brought about feelings of pain, lack of control, and helplessness! All familiar feeling from both my SA and Lori going through cancer twice. So I guess I am feeling similar feelings (that I previously avoided or buried, and never addressed) from different traumas! And now that I recognize and experience the feelings....maybe the anxiousness within will start to subside!!
These feelings are what I felt a few years ago, when I couldn't cope with myself, let alone anyone else and their problems.
But as we recover we learn how to conquer the feelings of helplessness and lack of control, and we learn to deal with ourselves, and most importantly, how we fit into other peoples lives.

I hope it works for you, I'm sure it will.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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