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#65006 - 03/20/03 10:20 PM Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
taipan Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
I’ve conquered my loneliness! Loneliness was a core issue for me. I have always felt completely isolated and alone since my SA. Well, I was isolated and alone, by design. I kept my interactions with people on a very superficial level, never letting anyone close. That was a great way to keep my secret and not deal with the overwhelming emotions caused by my SA. Now that I am feeling the emotions and dealing with them in therapy, I am able to let people in and truly enjoy the personal interactions with others. The book “don’t sweat the small stuff…and its all small stuff” (not that what most of us are dealing with is small stuff!!) has taught me a way of communicating with others in a loving, kind, and compassionate way that truly has transformed my relationships with everyone around me (and its amazing how people respond when they are dealt with in a kind loving way). This is huge for me, one core issue down, who knows how many to go! But progress sure feels great!


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#65007 - 03/21/03 01:38 AM Re: Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
stride Offline
Member

Registered: 03/07/03
Posts: 202
Loc: B.C. Canada
Taipan,

Hooray for you and for the doors opening for you (your own and those of the people around you) in your life! Thank you for sharing your triumphs with us--happiness is indeed infectious:-)

As for loneliness, I think it is something we can all expect to experience from time to time. At those times, it is so liberating to really *know* that "this too shall pass." Sounds like you're getting there and it's a great place to be.

Cheers to you, T!

Stride

_________________________
In the right formation,
the lifting power of many wings can
achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.

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#65008 - 03/21/03 08:21 AM Re: Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
SandyW Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/03
Posts: 86
Loc: NJ
This encouragement couldn't be more timely! I just found out that I am pregnant again. During my last pregnancy, my husband completely shut me out...physically and emotionally. We weren't even sleeping in the same bed. I was scared to death to tell him because of our financial situation, but he handled it okay. I'm still anxious about how things will go, but he reassured me that he is a different person now. He's not exactly happy about this, but he seems to be handling it okay. He's really hard to read. The only emotion he is comfortable with is anger. He's just starting to identify and explore the others.

Sandy


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#65009 - 03/21/03 02:46 PM Re: Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
stride Offline
Member

Registered: 03/07/03
Posts: 202
Loc: B.C. Canada
Sandy,

Best wishes re: your pregnancy! Wow. Big news! Hope you and your hubbie both have an easier time with this one.

Re: "The only emotion he is comfortable with is anger
Quote:
. He's just starting to identify and explore the others."

I know this one only too well, from both my current relationship and some of those that I've had in my past. There is an excellent discussion that offers many insights into why this is true for many men, whether their is SA in their histories or not. If you can, get a copy of "The New Male Sexuality: The Truth About Men, Sex, and Pleasure" by Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD. [Bantam, 1993]. The book was recommended to me by a former prof of mine who is a psychologist and specializes in sex therapy and I highly recommend it to both men and women. You oughtta be able to find a used copy of it pretty easily.

Stride

_________________________
In the right formation,
the lifting power of many wings can
achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.

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#65010 - 03/21/03 05:30 PM Re: Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
moo2 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 82
Loc: pottsboro,texas
taipan,
Congradulations, overcoming loneliness is 1 of the biggest hurdles for any SA survivor. Just by overcoming loneliness is a role model for every SA survivor. Congradulations again. \:D

Sandy,
Great, great news that you are pregnant. \:\)
Try not to worry about your husband, since he will have someone to openly talk to maybe he will not lose his anger. Trust the Lord, Sandy.
WITH MUCH LOVE,
Kim :p


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#65011 - 03/21/03 11:57 PM Re: Hang in there family and friends, progress is possible
taipan Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
Sandy, well congratulations on being pregnant! I was struck by what you said about your husband shutting you out during your last pregnancy. When my wife (we are separated) was pregnant with both our kids, I was very uncomfortable and I never understood why. I wouldn't have thought it had anything to do with my SA issues. I suppose maybe it has to do with being uncomfortable feeling emotions in general. I will tell you this though, watching my kids actually being born was the highlight of my life. It sure is a truly miraculous thing!
I also had to raise my kids almost alone, and I had to care for my wife, because she had breast cancer twice during the time the kids were very young. I feel very conflicted about this time of my life because raising my little ones was the happiest time of my life (I'm very maternal), yet my wife struggling to survive breast cancer was the most difficult time of my life (both were happening at the same time!). I guess that sounds like a good topic for my next therapy session.
I hope your hubby is in therapy to help with the feelings and emotions regarding SA......I believe there is no other way (and if you knew me a couple of months ago you just would not believe that came out of my mouth).
Best wishes to you both and again congratulations!!!!
Ed


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