I go through waves of emotion. Right now I am in the midst of feeling absolutely frozen by the fear that my husband is going to just walk away from me forever. That I don't mean anything to him. That he will immediately replace me with another woman.
I know. I am supposed to remember that if he does that then what was our marriage really about anyway. But that doesn't help me in the moments when I am feeling like I'm going to die b/c of how betrayed I feel.
Before he left, he said things to me that made me feel so ugly and worthless. I don't think I am those things, but I have no image of myself right now. I am MOM more than anything. The thing is, I feel like I have been MOM to him, too.
Other people (my mom and sister,
), tell me I am beautiful, smart, kind, etc., . . . why can't my husband reaffirm those things to me.
I am really just dumping right now. I wish I could summon up some of the anger other's seem able to feel. I just feel sad. And really scared. And lonely.