I feel compassion…he’s hurting so much.

The sorrow is overwhelming…he was only a kid. With the circumstances at home he didn't have half a chance.

I admire him…it took so much courage to come forward with this after 23 years of secrecy.

I feel helpless...there's nothing I can do.

But...

I'm repulsed…the man I married is a monster.

My marriage is threatened…is there any chance of emotional intimacy between us?

He’s perverse…I'm scared that he’ll do something to my kids

I'm ashamed of him…how could he have done that with his sister?

I'm rejected…he avoids sex with me, but he pursued his sister.

And I'm angry...

Angry with her…how dare she do this to him?

Angry with his parents…they had 6 kids, why didn’t they put minimal effort into raising them, or just stop having them!!!

And I'm scared...

Afraid of her…she still controls and manipulates him.

SandyW,

My heart goes out to you. It's so difficult for those living with survivors, especially when they first learn about what happened. All of your emotions are understandable and a normal reaction.

I've read through all your posts and the replies these past couple of days. I believe both you and your husband need to talk to a qualified therapist, someone who has the training in sexual abuse issues and addictions. Your pastor may not really be able to properly guide the two of you through this difficult time.

Sounds like you're still in shock. Take some deep breaths and pray for calmness. The answers and healing aren't going to happen immediately.

Depending where you live in NJ there are lots of qualified therapists, start calling around and interviewing them.

Here's link, on the web site, to an article by Ken Singer, a therapist in NJ whom is also a board member of MS:NOMSV.
A Consumers Guide To Therapist Shopping

Hang in there Sandy, you're showing incredible strength and caring/compassion for your husband. You can get through this.

jer

Thank you, Jer.

It was a bunch of circumstances so perfectly orchestrated that I could see it was God's hand that led up to my husband divulging this to our pastor (the very first person he told). I too have concerns that the pastor may not be the right person to handle this. I'm praying that if he is that God will bless the process as we go and if he is not that God will provide through our pastor the appropriate person. If necessary to go somewhere else for counsel, I would really only consider one who would counsel from a Christian perspective. Thanks again for letting me feel normal.

Sandy