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#64637 - 01/21/05 12:33 AM the therapist said I was wrong
forlauren Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/04
Posts: 63
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Finally got to see the therapist today. Talked a little about husband’s test results again (no inconsistencies, shows he isn’t a threat to children). Then told her our main concern was husband’s little sister. I told the therapist about the conclusion I’d come to that I can’t push my husband and force his eyes open any more quickly than he’s ready for, and that all I feel I can do is encourage him to stay in therapy and maybe it’ll take five years for him to face the reality of what type of person his father really is. The therapist disagreed with me right away and said he doesn’t have the luxury of that kind of time for his sister’s sake. Husband has a business trip to Florida – leaving Monday – and therapist has suggested he needs to have a conversation with his father and stepmother face to face on this trip. He needs to say he was sexually abused by his father, as was his brother, and he needs to know that 'S' is okay. The therapist doesn’t think it’s necessary for him to drag his Aunt into the equation (father’s sister, who was also abused). The Aunt is terrified she’ll be cut out of the inheritance or something if it comes out.

So this will be the first step. My husband is just to ask questions, to ask what his father and stepmother will do to assure that his little sister is safe. If his dad becomes totally defensive or tells my husband again that he was “doing him a favor” he has to ignore that and just keep repeating that his concern is for 'S'. And he’s supposed to tell his dad he hopes this can only strengthen their relationship and that they can in the future develop a new man to man relationship.

The next step will be that he has to let them know morally he can’t just let this go unresolved. Dr. 'W' said my idea of having my husband professionally evaluated was a good one, and perhaps that whole family could go in for professional evaluation.

A part of me was hoping our therapist would just say she’d have to report as her ethical duty but she feels the action of protection for Sarah needs to start with my husband. She feels it would be bad for the relationship of therapist to client. I mentioned my sister doing something, and again she didn’t agree with dragging in another family member, that it needs to start with my husband, and this would help out how I feel about my husband as well (I agree).

I am very grateful to have found a therapist who is such a straight shooter. She sees what the most important issue is, and just pushes my husband to tackle it whether he’s afraid to or not. His business trip is Monday through Thursday, so he’ll try to arrange a meeting with his dad & stepmom on Friday.


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#64638 - 01/21/05 12:40 AM Re: the therapist said I was wrong
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I have just edited the names of the young girl and the Doctor from this post - nothing else.

Please be careful about using real names in posts, especially when the subject is as delicate as this one is.

A lot of people lurk on sites such as this, and not all of them are here with good intentions.

Thanks
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#64639 - 01/21/05 12:45 AM Re: the therapist said I was wrong
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Lauren
I think you've found your answers, everything seems to be falling into place.

It's not an easy place either, and you and your husband will have to give each other so much support and encouragement over this time.

But somehow I think you'll manage that because you've done some preparation and thinking, and that's worth a great deal.

I hope it goes well for you both.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#64640 - 01/21/05 12:59 AM Re: the therapist said I was wrong
forlauren Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/04
Posts: 63
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Thank you, Lloydy. At some point, I had gotten so tired of feeling like I was carrying a burden of such a secret, I just started letting things fly out of my mouth about my husband and his family to practically anyone, near strangers, neighbors, anybody. I guess this can be a typical phase when you've been through something awful, a need to be a blabbermouth.

I also thought it made my posts hard to understand without names to all the different characters. But it never occurred to me a freak of some kind would have it out for our therapist or something like that. Thanks for the corrections, I'll be more careful in the future.


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