My hubby had been violently, sexually abused at 5 years old until he was 11. My hubby was tiny as a kid. When he went into high school he was only 56 lbs..Truly.My hubby was beaten frequently in school. I knew this when we were married. Hubby truly thought that shit did not affect him. In the marines hubby had sex with more women than he could count. I guess I thought that it was more of the environment than anything. I was only 20 years old and very immature. My hubby took me down the road to the S+M world. I was always ready to try anything once + fun things more. Of course it was fun for hubby to tye me up + whip me without cutting. I loved it. I had a baby boy about 3 years down the road. My sex drive went down some plus Hubby had to go to the Gulf War.When hubby came back my sex drive went way, way down, but of course I wanted my whippings and stuff.Our sex life went down a bit. I think I even got a little depressed over that. Hubby never changed our baby's diaper. Life went on until we were searching for a house. Each time we were turned down[2] I got more depressed. We got the 3rd house, I got happier. Then my mom called. My dad asked mom for a divorace.[ the purfect couple!I thought] I was torn completely. Pretty deep depression.My mom would call me when something would happen. Dad having sex with mom + dad saying I still want a divorace. What the HECK was I going to do or say about that!!! It lasted about 1 1\2 years. I got in deeper + deeper depression + I did not know I had that stupid problem! After that I got pregnant.Deeper depression. I did not keep the house clean by this time. I know I did not bathe as often as I should have + I worked full time + should have bathed everyday. When I delivered I really had postpardom depression. I did not keep the house clean + did not take care of our baby. OK I ignored her. I am sorry!!!!!!!!! I was so sick I could not pick up the house or take care of me or help our son about absolutely anything. I was in a hole so very deep I could not see absolutely any light. Family kept trying to figure out what was wrong. They did + got me on medication that did not work.I remember trying to snap out of it + do some cleaning. Hubby said that the house got worse + worse. Hubby held and fed our baby, but no matter what he could not change a poopy diaper. Finally our baby got taken away. Our son got to stay with us. Sometimes I still can't figure that one out. Hubby said the house stayed as shitty as the one he was molested at. Hubby then had to find a cleaner house because for sure our son was going to be taken away also.[DHS] Hubby went into the S+M world + found some women settling on one that would burn him more than his emotional pain was. [sidenote] Hubby was going to marry someone until she had aborted his child. Hubby never greaved his child until our baby was taken by his sister. \:\( All I remember during this is hubby being late + making somewhat valid excuses.Hubby came to me 1 day + said moo2 if our son is taken away I am divoracing you!! That finally woke me up. Next time hubby came home, the house was a good amount cleaner. I sort of thought good my hubby will stay. I never could imagine living life without my hubby, still can't. Well hubby was going to leave me anyways. Then something strange happened. On the way to work the car hubby was driving blew the engine. So I had to pick him up. When I was driving the car to pick him up the wheel came completely off + bounced down the road. Hubby had to hitchhike to work for about a month + lost contact with the bitch that burned hubby.Hubby spent his extra time at the computer.NO SEX AT ALL AFTER WE LOST OUR BABY!!! Hubby finally contacted his bitch + found out she had gotten pregnant + had a heart attack + miscarried. A second baby dead!!!!! \:\( I had gotten happier + now hubby was depressed more than anything. Now 7 years later hubby is flashing back + looking at his life very honestly + trying to relate everything back to his sexual past. I will add to this later. Keep your spirits up.Love you all!!! You are a big help!!!