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#64370 - 02/04/03 05:20 PM need help composing a letter
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
Gang,
Hubby2 & I are in need of help composing a letter to his superior at his employment due to the comments coming from co workers.
refresh = he was charged with a sex crime, co workers found out & have continued to make uncalled for or unsolicited comments to his status as a perpetrator. He is not considered high risk & it has been over a year since the incident occurred.
this past saturday he verbalized very loudly to those who were "making harrassing statements" that the statements must stop and they could and should now move on to something else to "make fun of".
Today he was verbally attacked with comments twice when some kids showed up for junior achievement.
We now have decided to compose a letter to his superior requesting the comments be stopped at that the verbal comments no longer continue.
Can someone help us compose a letter to his superiors alerting them that we know he is protected by law from harrassment? He cannot afford to lose his job over this either. Todays cake taker was his shop FOREMAN making a rude comment....
We can and are prepared to attach a copy of the law protecting him from harrassment we just want to put his bosses on notice that they have a responsibility to protect him in his work place be it thru physical or verbal abuse / dangers.
thanks from both of us ~ Wifey1 & Hubby2


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#64371 - 02/04/03 06:23 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
never mind, got an answer and resolve for this one already.
but thanks for those who read this.
Wifey1


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#64372 - 02/04/03 08:17 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I hope it was a positive answer.....

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#64373 - 02/05/03 03:14 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
sorry my reply / post lacked detail -- however I decided and followed through with a call to our local sherriff's dept. Spoke with a Detective there who advised that Hubby2 should record the comments via a tape recorder. I asked did the other person need prior notice of being recorded & his response (for our state) that as long as hubby2 had the recorder on his person he could record anything.
We began documentation of harrassing statements. Hubby2 did go directly to the one supportive superior & re emphasized that he is no longer going to take the abusive comments. His supervivor agreed it was harrassment & said he will be following thru with a resolve.
However, hubby2 still intends to follow thru with written documentation & tape recording the statements. The Detective said he definetly will have leverage in a court of law should they fail to protect him from further comments etc.
It's bad enuff hubby2 has had to suffer the effects of being a sexual abuse survivor, & even to question his status as an abuser himself -- but now this bullshit too?
These are the same sons of bitches who think it was ok to "high five" him for having sex with an 18 yr old (he went to them for help & advice he knew he fucked up drinking & the end results). They are also the same sons of bitches who think it is appropriate to point out "look at the tits on that one!" (female customers) or to call him "mr morality" ... What do they stand for? I can only surmize FEAR, fear of standing for being themselves.
The absurdity in his situation is the asshole who has harrassed him the most disclosed to him that his brother in law (the coworkers b-i-l) has recently been arrested for molesting his children and his childrens friends.... and has the audacity to point fingers?
At least Hubby2 in my opinion has taken a stand for himself and works hard to heal, owns his fuck ups --- I see a leader in him as I always have all these years....
May hubby2 & his Survivor co's be filled with Peace we all deserve ~ Wifey1


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#64374 - 02/05/03 07:56 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The strength of Hubby is inspiring, I'm afraid the police would have me behind bars by now.

The 'herd mentality' of a group of guys working together is so powerful. I've been in the same job for 25 years with many of the guys having been there even longer, so I know them well.
I know there are a few hardened racists amongst them, guys who cheat on their wives, petty thieves, good guys, sexist pigs and some I don't even talk to any more.

But put one racist bigot in a room and let him start spouting his views and it's frightening to see how people, who I know dont hold racist views in private, will actually start to agree with him.
Not because they secretly agree, but because they're frightened of stating their decent views as strongly as the racist is stating his.
They know that the bigot rants and raves, is offensive, always has to have the last word, will not entertain any other views, and carries grudges for ever. So it's just easier to mumble some kind of agreement and escape the hassle.
But in a group this takes on a life of it's own and soon degenerates into a real shit flinging session.

I've got to the stage during my SA recovery that I will now argue back as strongly as he puts his views forward, and he then generally resorted to personal insults- and then shuts up when he realises that I dont give a rats arse about being insulted by him because I dont give his opinions any credence anyway.
We now have an agreement - we dont talk ! Most times he leaves the room, which tells me everything I need to know.

And it's also a bit unsettling that so many other guys have said to me that they are really glad I had a go at him.
But I guess that's a positive thing to come from SA , well not so much that but the recovery process, we do learn so much about ourselves. And for that I'm grateful - whatever the cause.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#64375 - 02/05/03 08:39 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
Dave,
Your last 2 paragraphs .... hmmm are you working at the same place hubby2 works at? Hubby2 did often at first just get up & leave the Herd when the comments began to fly -- the racist shit, the idiotic ill informed blah blah's....
I am surprised and Proud at the strength in him for facing down his co workers bullshit. Recently a new co worker who has a different religious faith than many of the others (if they have any?) began working there too -- immediately one of the assholes started to tell a completely inappropriate "joke" (which happened to be about sexual abuse?!!) to this new worker -- Hubby2 told asshole to stop , dont even tell that, its not funny nor is it appropriate to even say !! -- Asshole shut up immediately but Hubby2 has since then been "labeled" as Mr Morality -- truly I geuss there are far worse labels to be tagged with ... or perhaps he is just the first "sex offender with morals?" ( ) oops did my sarcasm just slip out?
you said "And it's also a bit unsettling that so many other guys have said to me that they are really glad I had a go at him." -- Taking a stand, we can do that in so many ways. During my years in politics I have found the toughest hurdle is to motivate the "passive herd" into action for themselves and for the group as a whole.
Again I think it is the paralyzing effect of FEAR. ....
May we Lead in spite of our pains ~ Wifey1


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#64376 - 02/06/03 02:26 PM Re: need help composing a letter
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
And you only need one asshole in a herd that 'sounds' like he knows what he's on about and the herd gets bigger. Hitler started like that.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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