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#64277 - 08/29/06 06:27 PM Re: Men without dads
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

A lot of survivors feel that way at first. What they don't realize is that these feelings reflect NOT who they are, but how they have been treated. If you look at your words above, that's exactly how your abusers treated you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#64278 - 08/29/06 06:44 PM Re: Men without dads
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
no they treatd me
way worse then
i could evr
treat myself

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#64279 - 08/29/06 07:12 PM Re: Men without dads
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

We don't think we disagree. What I am saying is that the way you look at yourself comes from the way they treated you.

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#64280 - 08/29/06 07:17 PM Re: Men without dads
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
they treatd me bad
so i feel like im bad.
like that?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#64281 - 08/29/06 07:47 PM Re: Men without dads
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Exactly. If a kid is told a million times "You piece of shit", what will he think? He will think "I am a piece of shit".

But who is the real piece of shit? The bastard who talks to a child like that.

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#64282 - 08/30/06 03:04 AM Re: Men without dads
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
trev look around you dude ,there are like 3000 guys here who dont think your only good for bad stuff ,and like they said if you get told enough times your shit you become shit ,i think what we got to do is tell ourselves just as many times that we are not shit till that becomes what we believe ,we got to undue all the shit they did to us and nobody can do that overnight it took time to makes us this way it takes time to undue it.so everytime somebody says hey trev your not bad ,thats one time off the list of being told you were bad ,sooner or later its gonna even out .hey trev your ok dude ,heh heh thats one more for the good guys adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#64283 - 08/30/06 12:59 PM Re: Men without dads
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
so wat do u want a prize
or somethin? :p

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#64284 - 09/02/06 05:39 PM Re: Men without dads
friendofseveral Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 20
Loc: Independence, MO
Trevor:
Sorry to hear this, and believe me, I think I can partially understand. My buddy Dale has this same problem. Believe me, you're not bad just because someone else says you're bad, and we all need some validation some time that we're good. I do know that when Dale asks my opinion and such, he trusts me. He's called me such before, though I'm not sure if I should accept such an accolade. The real tragedy is what we're taught from these early experiences. Again, my heart goes out to you, and I do understand this anger. I would be angry too; one of the people who were supposed to protect you, failed. This set you up for more tragedy down the line. I think, and this is what I'm hoping for, in pursuit of being assistance to my friend, is to focus or aleviate this anger, so it doesn't destroy those who have it. To let someone else continue to manipulate you, long after the incidents (I hope I'm not out of line here, because I know how anger is; I have it too sometimes), is to allow the abuser to continue to control you, rather than being in control of yourself. Now all I have to do is convince Dale of this too, and we'll be making some progress.
Is there a way to get rid of the anger? What if I become the focus of misplaced anger? I don't want to have to hurt my buddy, even if I am defending myself.
These are things we have to consider, and to all the guys out there who've never had that experience of having a dad, I kind of know what that's like too. We can triumph regardless.

_________________________
Foster

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#64285 - 09/02/06 11:25 PM Re: Men without dads
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

What Shadow is telling you is that when we find it difficult to give up the bad feelings about ourselves, that's because they didn't just spring up all in one day. We learned those false lessons bit by bit, and now they have deep roots in our hearts.

So they won't go away now just because someone tells us they're false and we want to believe that. It takes time. If someone like Shadow tells you "Trev you're cool - you're okay", and you don't believe him, he understands why. But you ARE okay, and you ARE worth the effort. So Shadow will continue telling you until you DO believe it.

And so will I.

And so will others.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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