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#6427 - 09/18/02 10:58 PM Finishing
asher Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/17/02
Posts: 19
Loc: St. Louis
This is related to the "motivation" post of earlier: Does anybody find that they have trouble finishing things? Whether it's projects at work or school, or just something they really want to do for themselves?

Often I find that I'll get on a kick --- or I decide that I really want to take on a big project --- but when I get in the middle of it, all the uncertainties begin. "I'm not good enough." "I'm not going to finish." "This is hopeless." Feelings like that.

If it's work, usually the guilt and fear of losing my job can get me through a tough project. But if it's something I really want for myself, such my dream of writing a book or that marathon I never got around to running, it often just gets left unfinished.

I'm not a huge fan of the Stuart Smalley "I CAN DO IT!" approach, but I'm interested in strategies others have used to combat the feelings of inadequacy and actually finish something they've set out to do.

Help me! I have big dreams.

asher


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#6428 - 09/19/02 04:58 AM Re: Finishing
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Asher I can relate big time to finishing very little of what I start for my self. I can do any major project for others ,like planning and cordinating my girl's wedding . But when it comes to cleaning the pole barn so I can set up the wood working shop I am a total falure. Still have 3 saws in the box after 1and 1/2 years. It drives my wife carzy but thats me. Do for others but never for me. I hope every day I can get it together some . Need to get my life in order. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#6429 - 09/19/02 09:23 AM Re: Finishing
ARW Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 161
Loc: LA
I have BIG problems in this area. Trying to analyze. Part of it is simply that I expend so much energy on the "self-talk". My brain is constantly looping to old events and present compulsive fantasies; some sexual, mostly anger-based. And anger seems to be the key to a lot of the procrastination. I can sense, as I start a project, an internal mechanism (that old self-critic again) saying "fuck everybody. fuck the world. fuck trying. don't give them shit. you've already given them enough, and look what they did to you."
Very powerful, this little bugger inside me. And very pissed off. As I begin recovery and take serious steps to silence this inner critic (sobriety, therapy, good ref books) I do find that I'm a lot more productive. Learning to love myself and adopting effective methods to silence the critic have made a big difference.
I highly recommend the book "Self Esteem" by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning. It's a lot of work, but the irony of that is that if you don't put in the time, you're learning how little you care for yourself. It has many useful ways to rebuild the battered self-image and wrestle control away from inner demons. If that's too heavy-duty for anyone, I found Robbin's Awaken the Giant Within and Dr. Phil's Self-Matters to be good starter kits.
lol,
Al

_________________________
In every cry of every man,
In every Infant's cry of fear,
In every voice, in every ban,
The mind-forged manacles I hear.
-William Blake

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#6430 - 09/20/02 03:10 AM Re: Finishing
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
I cant say i am much better off than you in this area, but i too have big dreams, and i am not going to let the fear and judgements of the methods that HAVE helped me be critisized any more than i already do.

I just really wish there was a book written by someone who i could really respect about self confidence, someone who faced death or showed incredible courage in the face of adversity. It would take away some of that stuart smally image you have about what self confidence is, and how to respect yourself.

Whatever you do, just keep trying! What has helped me more than anything is the realization that i have once again dragged myself up, and after a while that starts to feel like confidence. Speaking of getting things done, i need to get to sleep. Just keep starting over and you never lose. Thats what you have to remember.


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