The man that I have fallen in love with told me one night that he thought someone had "messed with him" when he was a boy. He told me this one night after he had a few too many drinks. I didn't respond at the time, which I am so glad I didn't because it worked out so much better. We are very, very close, and we are very comfortable sharing anything with each other. We were lying together one night, and he had previously told me that he had experimented sexually with other men a few times. It had occurred during his long addiction to crack cocaine, which he is no longer a user. I told him that I understood completely, but I had to ask him about what he had said about being abused as a boy. I told him that I needed to ask him something, and he said OK. I asked, "Did someone mess with you sexually when you were a boy?" There was total silence for a minute or so, and he asked how I knew that. He didn't even know that he had told me that. He said that it had happened 40 years ago, and he had never told a soul. He has lived a life of torture in my opinion. He held all of those memories in for 40 years. Growing up, his mother was an alcoholic. He was a fighter, an addict, an alcoholic, and he had sexual encounter after sexual encounter.
The biggest question I have is about the sexual experimenting with other men. Is that a common issue with men who have been sexually abused by other men? And also, what is the best way to help him heal? Just telling me about the abuse has changed his attitude alot because he kept it to himself for all those years. I still think there is more we could do together that would be beneficial.
Thank you so much for listening. I would greatly appreciate any help you could give me.