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#63900 - 01/06/03 07:16 PM Need Advise
Angel Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2
Loc: Ohio
I am not exactly sure how to say or explain what I need to ..........my concern is for my whole family I guess. The reason being is my little brother and my little cousin. (which is 4yrs younger than my brother) Well he just got out of the hospital because he finally had a break down emotionally, mentally! And I wish I could help him.......part of the reason he had the break down is because his older brother and 2 other cousins plus my brother at time used him as a punching bag(thats how he phrased it) He has never gotten over it,which I don't blame him. The other part is that he said my brother did and made him do sexually things when he was between 5 and 10 yrs old. I don't know all the details but he says he's forgivin my brother. ANd my brother completely denies everything. My cousin is 19 now and my brother is 23. But I believe my cousin, I don't think he'd make these things up. But I feel weird like I'm in the middle. Part of my concern is that I have children........and I wonder if my brother will ever try anything like this with them ,.......I wonder why he did it anyway.I feel scared and angry and sad !! Does that make sense!? I had no idea this stuff was going on when we were children.....I guess I don't really know what I want to know for sure. I feel so confused. I just wish I knew why people have to hurt and control other people. I've had close enounters with a uncle which I won't go into right now.....but I just would like some insight! Thank you !

Angel


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#63901 - 01/06/03 08:07 PM Re: Need Advise
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Angel
feeling scared angry and sad makes a lot of sense, if you weren't I'd be worried.

What you're sitting on, and maybe uncovering, is a whole mess of abuse of power, and it doesn't make a whole lot of difference if that abuse is used sexually or violently. And if your young cousin is right then he's suffered both.
The emotional scars can be huge, and proper treatment - therapy - is about the only way we seem to deal with it. But it's often no use in forcing someone into therapy, it's got to be our choice. When we're ready to help ourselves we will.

Your other problem is your brother, and you can only follow your instinct and seek the truth - and I cant begin to think how hard and emotionally dangerous thatwould be for you. Or, you can report him. A hell of a move I know, but the police or other authorites are the best equipped to deal with finding the truth.
I'm afraid you have too many conflicts to be objective, and too much to lose if it all goes to hell.

You're in a terrible position, and the choices must be yours, and I don't say that in any way to make you go away. Far from it, stay around and talk to us, bounce your ideas around, ask what you will.
I hope we can help you through supporting you.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#63902 - 01/06/03 08:46 PM Re: Need Advise
Angel Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2
Loc: Ohio
Yes my position isn't a good one, reporting him could be awful......our mom passed away 6yrs ago and to say the least neither of us were close to our dad (who cares more about drinking I think) Don't get me wrong we both love our dad but we've never had a close relationship with him. So with saying that I am almost his only family. Part of believes he'd never do that to my kids. But the other part can never be to sure. I don't leave them alone with him or anything. I guess my heart just aches...kinda like a mom who finds out her baby has done something awful to another......I want to make it all better and to erase what happen .........but I know I can't so I am lost on my own thoughts and feelings ......like I wonder did something happen to him to make him do this.? I 'll probably never know. Thanks for your feedback.....everything little bit of insight helps.

Angel


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#63903 - 01/07/03 02:13 AM Re: Need Advise
serafina Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/02
Posts: 36
Loc: Washington
I am so sorry that you have to be going through this and to tell you that it won't be over anytime soon or be easy. You can be sure that something happened to your brother, it seems to always happen that way. Take care of yourself and your children first. Just keep yourselves sane and safe or you won't be of help to anyone. And just make sure your cousin knows that you believe him and that you are there for him. From my experience, as the partner of a survivor. They can feel very alone and be rejected by the whole family. I don't want anyone to be going through that at a time when they need to have support. Do the best you can and do whatever you need to do for you and your children first! Good luck. Stay strong.


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#63904 - 01/07/03 03:54 AM Re: Need Advise
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I would talk to your cousin about every possible aspect of his relationship with your brother and eliminate any similar scenarios from repeating themselves.


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