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#63818 - 12/12/02 05:26 AM Vent re: male bashing
Lil Red Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/29/02
Posts: 14
Loc: Oregon
I started a new job recently and I was working from home for the first couple of weeks, so I had not yet met my new boss. While talking on the phone with her, I mention that I have some work being done on my house so we will need to arrange our meetings around that. Her response: “Oh, carpenters? I bet they’ll be cute.” OK, I think, I reckon it is morally acceptable to think carpenters are attractive. Later that week, I tell her that the guy refinishing the bathtub is there and I’ll have to call her back. Her response: “Is he cute?” Finally, after the third time of the same kind of thing, I say with a laugh: “Jeez, you’ve got a one track mind.” Oh-oh… stony silence followed by terseness . Great, I’ve pissed off my boss before I’ve even met her.

This week, I’m in the office being shown around and she is reviewing a client’s priority list with one of the sales managers. The clients were supposed to prioritize their change requests, but they listed something like 5 number one priorities, 4 number two priorities, etc., instead of ranking each item separately. She says: “That company must be run by men. Men think everything they want gets top priority. Ha, ha.” Happily, the saleswoman and I both looked at her like she had taken leave of her senses.

And it went on…

I don’t expect that everyone go around being perfectly PC all the time and I am not above checking out a good-looking man, but for chrissakes, she is my boss and we’ve only just met each other and we’re at work! If I knew men in the company were talking like this about women, I’d be furious, and I bet she’d spit nails. But since she and I are both professional women in our forties, she thinks we automatically belong to the same club. Ick. I’d like to file a sexual harassment complaint against her, but I suppose, as a woman, I’d have a hard time making that stick. \:\) I’m not asking for advice; I know how to handle this woman. I’m just on my soapbox.

I think I might be a little hypersensitive right now because I’ve been thinking that one reason I didn’t get the help I needed as a kid was because I didn’t react ‘right’, not ‘like a girl’. And I have been thinking a lot about my ex and how impossible it was for him just to grow into the man that he was because the women in his life belittled and punished him for being a boy. And I’ve been thinking about my brother who has nearly destroyed himself living up to the tough guy image.

Mindlessly turning people into sex objects, assuming you know someone’s motives and thought processes based on their gender, treating people like caricatures… Are we never going to get past this crap?

End of vent.


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#63819 - 12/12/02 08:59 AM Re: Vent re: male bashing
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Lil Red, you're my hero! \:D

As a male survivor, incested or raped by men on at least 3 occassions, raised almost completely around women, I think I understand a bit of the "other side" too.

But also, as a male survivor, raised almost completely by & around very domineering women, incested by my mother thruout childhood & incested or molested by a number of other women or older girls, I have a painfully gained understanding of the "side" you're bringing out in your post.

And I've come to the same conclusion it seems you've come to as well--their are no "sides!" We're all human beings, subject to sexual harrassment & abuse, deserving of so much more & better.

Not that it's never happened before, but it's always so refreshing to "hear" a woman say it!

Maybe you are kinda hypersensitive right now. Maybe you're just an incredibly sensitive & open-minded person. I vote the latter! \:\)

PC: IMNSHO, our society's corruption has only contributed to, at least in some small measure, by the bowing of both men & women to the idol of PC! Let's tear the damned thing down, and replace it with mutual love, compassion, empathy & care for one another, regardless of gender, or race, creed, class, etc.!

Lil Red, it's a pleasure to have you "on board!"

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#63820 - 12/12/02 09:04 PM Re: Vent re: male bashing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Lil Red
Why do I get the feeling you're going to get the better of her ??

The sad thing is that so much of this crap still goes on - from both sides.
And I had begun to think the younger generations were getting better.
But a 4x4 & offroad web site I use is just full of sexist crap.

I started off thinking that maybe because most of the guys were American pick-up drivers then maybe they were just all trailer park rednecks ( very judgemental I know, sorry ) so imagine my dismay when over time it appears that most of them are white middle class 20 somethings with spare cash to indulge their hobbies.
I know that's making a lot of stereotypical judgements, but after spending about 12 months there this 'trend' became more apparent.
And when somebody does dare to stand up and be counted the vicious and abusive flaming is incredible.
So I just lurk there and enjoy the technical stuff which is first class - shame about the moronic side issues.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#63821 - 12/12/02 11:36 PM Re: Vent re: male bashing
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I agree with Lloydy. You'll get the best of her.

Lloydy,
I use to think as well that the younger generations are getting better at this. Maybe there is a positive trend but there's still a persistant sexist mood out there. I see it in my 10yo nephew. It breaks my heart when I hear some of the stuff coming out of his mouth. The other thing that really breaks my heart is when nobody in my family tries to correct him in his behavior. I feel like a vigilante when I have to confront him in front of the others. I feel like I'm walking a fine line because nobody knows I was sexually abused and I don't want to raise any suspicions. Anyway, it's a tough deal for everyone.
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#63822 - 12/21/02 02:54 AM Re: Vent re: male bashing
Lil Red Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/29/02
Posts: 14
Loc: Oregon
Waume –

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect. -Mark Twain

Not sure we quite see eye to eye on the PC thing, but I can definitely second this:

Quote:
mutual love, compassion, empathy & care for one another, regardless of gender, or race, creed, class, etc.!
What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love and understanding? – Elvis Costello

Enough with the quotes… \:\)

Upon cooling down a little, I’ve decided a better tack is to try and get the best out of her. Does that sound too god-awful sanctimonious? We’ll see how it goes.

Lloydy-
I don't know why it bothers me so that people make assumptions based on the 'club' thing. My business women, your off-roaders. Oh well, it is an old story.

I had to chuckle at this:

Quote:
So I just lurk there and enjoy the technical stuff which is first class - shame about the moronic side issues.
I work in the software industry. Theoretically, I could do the same. \:\)

Thanks for letting me rant, guys.

E


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#63823 - 01/09/03 02:42 AM Re: Vent re: male bashing
serafina Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/02
Posts: 36
Loc: Washington
Good for you Lil Red. I am sick of it too. I didn't know very much about sexual violence until I started dating a male survivor. All of the sexual violence in society became shockingly clear to me! Since when is watching men get kicked, bit, punched, hit in the groin funny?! What if they did that to women? People would be outraged. Not to mention all of the comments and laughter from men, women and children when they see it happen to others. I am trying to help educate people when I can, but we need alot more support!


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#63824 - 01/09/03 10:59 AM Re: Vent re: male bashing
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
WTG Serafina!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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