There's a workbook called "Mind Over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky that gets ya thinking. The goal is to change how you feel by changing the way you think. It has a lot of good stuff in it. It came recommended by a therapist.
Avatar, that concept you describe sounds familiar. I usually put it this way..."if I don't really try, then I can't really fail, because I didn't put myself into it in the first place." It's just too hard to really jump into something and not succeed. Oh, and of course whatever it is, if it's not perfect it's never going to be "good enough". In my head somewhere, I know that isn't really the way it is, but something inside me just wants to be not only "good enough" sometimes, but maybe even "best"??? Then I feel like an idiot for even wishing that!
I made a little "parable" awhile back. If someone needs to make a phone call, and they have a pocket full of quarters, ANY quarter will do. It would be nice to be the only quarter in a pocket of other change sometimes, or at least the shiny one that goes in the "collector" thingy! I said that, and was told that I already AM that quarter. The sad thing is, when we worry so much that we aren't "good enough" or are "less" in any way, we are missing the fact that there ARE places where we ARE just what we ache to be...exactly where we ache for it.
I have been away from the situation that taught me I was never good enough for almost 30 years. I wish that was all there was to it. If that's what the "programming" is, then I think I have to actively do something to deprogram it. The book I mentioned is a good start. It teaches "how" to think differently on purpose. Obviously I'm not quite there yet!!!
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."
– Anne Lamott