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#63489 - 08/14/06 12:26 AM Distancing
tservo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 21
Loc: Illinois
Hi Everyone,

I was wondering if you could please explain distancing to me. I am not sure how to tell if I should give Brian space or contact him.

Thank you.


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#63490 - 08/15/06 12:32 AM Re: Distancing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
All I can say is that my wife 'just knows' when to keep her distance from me.

I'm not someone who gets angry or mad, the opposite in fact. But somedays I just go quiet and withdrawn and she backs off, and so do my close friends.

I don't retreat into a shell and hide, I carry on with my life but quietly, and they now ask or comment about my welfare, and that's fine with me.

But they realise that 'today' I don't want to be pestered with questions or something that can wait.

It's not often now, and it's also something that I recognise early on so I can tell people as well.
It seems to work.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#63491 - 08/15/06 05:42 AM Re: Distancing
proteus Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/11/06
Posts: 29
Loc: Louisiana
I just recently told my wife about my abuse that happened to me when I was 10. She was abused when she was a child so she kind of understands part of what I am going through. I have learned to recognize the signs of when I need to distance myself from my wife to give her some alone time, but even after 10 years of marriage, she has yet to develop the same sense to allow me some space. I have just learned to allow the time she needs distance from me to allow for my needed distance from her. (that really made sense in my head before I typed it, so I hope it came out as clearly as I wanted it to \:\)

_________________________
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me. Jeremiah 29:11-13

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