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#63351 - 08/10/06 12:22 PM marriage
needanswers Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 24
I'm curious about how many in here are or have been married previously?


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#63352 - 08/10/06 01:47 PM Re: marriage
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
I was married almost 20 years; three children, five grandchildren.
I am now Gay partnered and have been for almost 27 years.
A lot of the gay guys here at MS have been married; and some of them (most of whom were not "out" to themselves until later in life) are still married to women.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#63353 - 08/10/06 01:54 PM Re: marriage
needanswers Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 24
I find that very concerning. Any tips for women who are in relationships dealing with men of abuse? That would be absolutely devastating for me to find that out after putting time and effort into the relationship.


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#63354 - 08/10/06 03:45 PM Re: marriage
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i see that the person really means so much to
you if he's unhappy

it's more about you then isn't
it?


and what exactly are 'tips' ?

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#63355 - 08/10/06 03:56 PM Re: marriage
needanswers Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 24
It is not about ME. When I went into this relationship, it was about the two of us becoming one, until one of us dies. I went into this relationship healthy, knowing what I wanted, etc. and expected the same from him. He and I had plenty of time to share with each other certain things that we felt to be important to share prior to getting married. Plus, I have children and he knew that this was not something I took lightly. My kids mean the world to me.

There were a few things about my past that I was not thrilled about sharing but felt that if he and I were going to have a healthy relationship, these were things that needed to be out in the open before putting making those vows. IMO, this issue most definitely should have come out before he and I got married. Seriously, we have only been married 11 months and all of a sudden this comes out last week.

I can deal with helping him through it but I will tell you this, if I were to find out later down the line that he is homosexual, YOU BET I'M GONNA BE TICKED. I came into this relationship healthy and most definitely heterosexual (not knocking on those of you who are) and I did come into this with certain expections and I could more than likely say the #1 thing would be that I wouldn't have to worry about his sexual orientation.

As far as the first part of your reply, I honestly don't know what you are getting at with that. The person means so much to me if he's unhappy? I really am not sure what you mean by that.

If you are suggesting that I don't want him to be happy, sure I do. But what about my happiness? If he has been dishonest with me, doesn't exactly make him concerned with my feelings too much, huh?


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#63356 - 08/10/06 04:08 PM Re: marriage
needanswers Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 24
mark - as far as the "tips", i suppose i'm just wondering if there is something i should be able to see... sounds as if with some, there is a lot of lying/denying their sexual orientation and i suppose i wonder if there is something that i'm not seeing.


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#63357 - 08/10/06 04:21 PM Re: marriage
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i think you are definitely in the wrong section

this is a section for Gay men

this is not Friends and Family

that maybe your best solution for finding

"women" in a simliar situation

I suggest you look there -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#63358 - 08/10/06 04:31 PM Re: marriage
needanswers Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 24
Guess I figured I would find more info in here, as this is the gay board and it sounds like you have all gone through your issues with your sexual identity. I'm sure that is not easy but I suppose I am being a bit self-centered because I feel that there is a possibility that I'm going to have to deal with this later. Maybe I should just call it quits right now no matter how much I love him because I have myself and children to think about and I just don't think I have it in me to help him with this abuse and, even though he says he is definitely heterosexual, I have my doubts now that I've been reading these postings. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate that.


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#63359 - 08/10/06 05:24 PM Re: marriage
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Moved from Gay Survivors.


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#63360 - 08/10/06 05:38 PM Re: marriage
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i was married once before, and yes, i believe the intimacy issues stemming from my abuse were largely behind our troubles.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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