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#63296 - 09/11/02 08:34 PM Girl looking for help!!!
raven Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/11/02
Posts: 2
Loc: North Carolina
I am not married but I have been dating the same man for four years now, and I have known him all his life. He and I both we SA as childrn. For the past for years we have not had a "physcial" relationship of ANYKIND. I have two theories on this but don't know where to go to get help. So I am just going to put it out there and see what ya'll say.
1) I asked him point blank once if the reason he did not want a "physical" involvment with me was because of what happened to him. He got mad. He wouldn't speak or look at me for the rest of the evening. It was like I had poured salt on a weeping sore.
2) If I try to hold his hand, get a hug/kiss he pulls away from me. I ask him why---you are not suppsosed to do those thing before you are married. He grew up Seventh-Day Advantist where I am southern Baptist. So I don't how much of it is religion based.
3) He says I push too much. And I will be honest.....I am horny. I would like some action, I am 27 years old, I also want a family. All he can say is wait. How much longer am I going to have to wait?

I feel that I have came through my ordeal, mostly, I still don't like to be alone with older men, I like to have cyber sex, and look at porno sites, but "fuzzy wuzzy" knows. I tell him this to try to make him jealous. That is why I do it.

Is there anything anyone could tell me?


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#63297 - 09/12/02 05:25 AM Re: Girl looking for help!!!
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
Check your profile for a private message from me!


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#63298 - 09/12/02 06:54 AM Re: Girl looking for help!!!
Eddie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/31/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Raven,
27...he must be about the same...4 years and NO SEX...sounds like he is really fucked up or GAY!!! In SC...maybe playing you to look good...if he is a 7 Dayer...can't let anyone know that he is gay! Most times SA males are all over sex...but there are a few times where they don't have none...can't even bear to be touched! Four years is a very long time...time to get down or get lost! My advice to any women...If you have a SA male and he isn't one of the best lovers in the world..TRAIN HIM...if untrainable...cut him loose! SA males can be lots of trouble...would be a lot safer for all women to stay away from them...Too many men out there to have to put up with all the crap! This is just what I think...Wish you good luck!!!

Eddie


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#63299 - 09/12/02 09:14 AM Re: Girl looking for help!!!
Eddie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/31/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Raven,
One last thing before I craw back under my rock. Remember...If you start him up..He will never stop!!!! If you can't stand the heat don't go there! My wife and I have been off...out of work together..24-7...with her wanting sex only 2 times a week...I'm going nuts here!!!! Have a SA male boyfriend or husband and don't want to have lots of sex...let him go!!!!
Now, you want sex and he dosn't...That is pretty wild! Must be something very heavy going on here!!!!

Eddie


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#63300 - 09/12/02 01:21 PM Re: Girl looking for help!!!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Raven
Whether it's his abuse or his religion, pushing him and trying to make him jealous don't seem to be the way forward. Certainly not the jealousy. All that's likely to do is repress him even more.

You say you've "come through your ordeal" - on your own or with therapy ?
If you've done it on your own and you're having cybersex and using porn then I think you're wrong, you still have a lot of recovery to do.

But I am looking at it from a male survivors point of view which may be different.

One thing I would be sure of though is that he wont do things properly just because he's being pushed into doing them.
He'll do it right when he's ready and able.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#63301 - 09/12/02 06:33 PM Re: Girl looking for help!!!
raven Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/11/02
Posts: 2
Loc: North Carolina
Thanks guys for all your points of view. It does help to know that we are not alone. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

PS.....Roy I sent you a private message.


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