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#63214 - 08/06/06 05:28 AM Is this possible
tservo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 21
Loc: Illinois
Hi,

I have another question. I was talking with Brian and I asked him if he had ever had a friend that he did not have sexual contact with. He said no. Is that actually possible?

Thank you.


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#63215 - 08/06/06 09:24 AM Re: Is this possible
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tservo,

I think that would depend on how one defines a "friend". What he may mean is that as he draws closer to someone he feels a need for the relationship to become sexual, otherwise it just withers.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#63216 - 08/07/06 02:33 AM Re: Is this possible
tservo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 21
Loc: Illinois
Larry,

Do you mean the relationship withers because he is not interested if there is no sex or the other person looses interest because there is no sex?

Thanks


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#63217 - 08/08/06 12:59 AM Re: Is this possible
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
What I had in mind is a guy X who needs for his friendships to become sexual as he feels closer to other people. If that doesn't happen then X loses interest in the other person. That is, X regards the lack of an offer of sex as a rejection of his friendship.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#63218 - 08/08/06 02:45 PM Re: Is this possible
Jay Bee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 52
Loc: NY
Tservo, I have a friend who sounds similar to what Brian stated to you. For him there is this voice in the back of his head that says all the talks and meaningful conversations, the going out to movies and/or dinners, the shared interests, and the enjoyment of each other's company may just be a giant con, a cruel trick being played out for some selfish ulterior motive. For him, he has learned the intimancy of mere friendship is no tto be trusted as some can put on a convincing false face.

He feels sexual intimancy can strip these masks off, make someone bear their true self, be true to their nature, if only for a moment. Now sometimes after the sexual intimancy has occured, he has concluded that it has been all just bullshit and sometimes he has thought there just might be something true hear in friendship but it has been only what he has felt in the sexual moments that he has trusted and used to read the relationship.

I would say it was I who asked him had he ever had a friend he hadn't slept with. After thinking about it for some time, he answered, perhaps a lttle surprised at himself, NO(myself included)


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#63219 - 08/08/06 09:19 PM Re: Is this possible
tservo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 21
Loc: Illinois
Thank you, Larry and Jay Bee. I am so new to this and so nervous about hurting Brian any further. All of you are such a tremendous help.


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