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#63135 - 08/13/02 04:46 PM counselling really helping...
soccer Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 43
Hi all - just to let you know that for once, I'm enjoying a period of relative peace in the relationship. My BF has been going to a really good therapist for about 2 months (weekly appointment) and the results have been really amazing.

Part of the therapy involved "anger management" - what was the hardest thing to take in the relationship was his volatile and explosive anger and how it just "took over" so often. My BF and his therapist and him explored the emotion of "anger" and they realized that getting angry was blocking all the emotions that he had been repressing for a long time.

He's finally learning to grieve, to feel, to cry, and be somewhat vulnerable - with me anyways. Its made a huge world of difference just for him to acknowledge what's going on. It has really taken the "edge" off so that he's not always at the breaking point.

At least now he has the ability to often times STATE what is happening and just back away, rather than just blowing up at me. It has made a WORLD of difference in our relationship and finally, I feel that for once, I am not the cause of his problems but rather, an innocent bystander. It has relieved a huge weight off my shoulders and things are going quite well.

I'm glad I stood up for myself when things were going really wrong - I had had it a few months ago and told him that "although I too have my issues, I am no longer going to be your victim". That seemed to make a big difference. I'm glad he is back in therapy. Its pretty evident that he really wants to stop living his life the way he has been living it so far.

soc


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#63136 - 08/13/02 05:34 PM Re: counselling really helping...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Good stuff Soccer, that's nice to hear.

Crying is good, I've found that out after many years. And I think it gives me the same feeling afterwards as my rage used to give me, the feeling of deflated relief and calm.
But I don't miss the rage one bit, although mine was contained and pent up, I just enjoy my emotions.
Lloydy \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#63137 - 08/14/02 05:24 AM Re: counselling really helping...
ks Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/26/02
Posts: 5
Soccer
I am so happy for you... and also for your boyfriend. That is soooo great that he has taken that step. It takes alot of courage and I am so glad that you took care of yourself too and told him how you felt. I am glad you two can have more peaceful moments again. You are both very strong to go through this stuff. :p
ks


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#63138 - 08/14/02 11:12 AM Re: counselling really helping...
soccer Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 43
Thanks for the words of support... I just think that our situation had come to a breaking point with him launching his investigation of his SA perp... I think this was too much for the two of us to handle alone. His counsellor is changing now (it was through a graduate school of social work/therapy/counselling and they work on a term basis - FYI - if counselling $$ is a problem, PhD psychology students doing their practicums charge very reasonable rates!!) Hopefully he'll go to another one once September comes. We are also planning on going to one that specializes in couples counselling to help us learn how to "fight fair".

OH! And last night we went out to a concert.. and NO words of any kind of seriousness came up.. was great!! We laughed like there'd never been any problems... \:\)

soc


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