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#640 - 08/06/03 12:35 PM Re: Flashbacks
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Adam read what I said in "What makes me a Survivor"

We are all brothers here

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#641 - 08/06/03 08:17 PM Re: Flashbacks
bikergary Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 32
Loc: Nevada
I went thru dealing with a lot of my abuse a number of years ago having flashbacks, memories, and realizations. I went for some time knowing there was more I hadn't dealt with and just recently decided I must. Sunday morning I had just ordered my breakfast in a restaurant and suddenly 'saw' what happened when I was very young. I was able to get my breakfast down but had a very exhausting morning digesting the memories as well as the breakfast. I was able to have a much needed cry. It is a bummer when it happens in public but I wasn't about to squelch it as long as I could keep my emotions under control until I got back to privacy. Haven't a clue just what triggered it at the time that it did.
Just look at it as a step in the healing process. I believe we have to pull up the buried memories to heal from them. In my case it was a big relief to have finally dug it up.

I don't know if it would have happened without the help and support of a courageous group of guys on here.

Keep up the fight.
Gary

_________________________
WoR Alumni - Hope Springs, Oct 23-25, 2009

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#642 - 08/06/03 09:11 PM Re: Flashbacks
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Gary,

What you wrote is exactly how I feel about flashbacks.

Quote:
Just look at it as a step in the healing process. I believe we have to pull up the buried memories to heal from them. In my case it was a big relief to have finally dug it up.
I'm slowly beginning to realize how important this group is to me. Thanks

Quote:
I don't know if it would have happened without the help and support of a courageous group of guys on here.

Green


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#643 - 08/07/03 06:17 PM Re: Flashbacks
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
Most of the flashbacks I've had have had more to do with remembering feelings and emotions assosicated with the actual memory. I have memories of being abused, but they are like looking at it on TV with no volume. Just visual. I don't recall my feelings at the time, or anything else really, just the visuals.

Lately, I have started remembering the emotions I felt as a kid during the abuse as well as the occasional forgotten memory. Decidedly unpleasant, but as Gary said, neccessary to heal.


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#644 - 08/09/03 04:18 PM Re: Flashbacks
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
Most of my flashbacks start with dislocated visuals, then they sharpen to include touch, taste and smell (but rarely sound).

Much of my abuse was pretty violent and my med's can't control my anxiety when they come out.

I am in group thereapy and it seems to help when I can talk about it.

Take care.
Edwin

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#645 - 12/01/03 04:42 PM Re: Flashbacks
senordeaner Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/01/03
Posts: 11
My experience with flashbacks seems to be different from others. I tend to only have a brief "remembrance" of the acts. They are like pictures set in my mind-it's like my mind erased the actual acts themselves to spare me from the shock of them. I can't say that I'm over them, but I don't think that they will ever be vivid in my mind.
However, my perpetrator not only abused me, but people close to me, like friends in my neighborhood, and kids that I babysat for. He caused my whole world to collapse around me. I will never be the same, or able to trust anyone again. That is how I feel. I don't feel close to my family, even though I know them well. I hate these feelings, it's like I'm trapped inside a box, and it looks like I could easily get out, but I never can. Has anyone else had the same kind of flashbacks?

_________________________
People of the strongest character exist here.

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#646 - 12/01/03 04:56 PM Re: Flashbacks
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
senordeaner
I was lucky - if I can use that word to describe anything to do with our abuse - but I didn't get bad flashbacks because I remembered everything that went on.
My abuse lasted 4 years and I not only remembered it all; I used it as a base for my fantasies for over 30 years. But sometimes some small detail from it all would come flooding back, and it's not fun.

I think that one of the main ways to destroy the 'power' of the flashbacks is to talk about them. It's hard I know, but that way they are no longer a secret.

And welcome to MS as well, it's a great place to find help and support, I'm sure you'll find that out.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#647 - 12/02/03 01:54 AM Re: Flashbacks
Thomas Offline
Member

Registered: 07/31/03
Posts: 109
Loc: boise
I get varied memories, flashbacks, or recovered memories. Sometimes, there is just a sudden realization. Other times a dislocated visual. Other times, a dislocated visual along with some audio and kinesthetic sense. Whatever the variety, though, there is very intense emotion.

Tom

_________________________
To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. - Robert Louis Stevenson

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#648 - 12/02/03 04:55 PM Re: Flashbacks
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
hello guys,
it has been a few days. unfortunately i cannot go into detail because i am in a public place right now, but i wanted to share my experiences for this thread. the flashbacks i have had were typically during a dissociative episode that would happen only when i was exhausted, hence, it typically happened while i was in bed. i know these were not night terrors because of the experience itself of the flashback, body memories, dissociation, and paralysis. the flashbacks were mainly the emotions experienced during the abuse episode. the memories themselves were recalled through me trying to work through the experience. i don't know where this falls within the spectrum stated here, but most of mine have been in the exhausted state but not nightmares. i say most because of the waking flashbacks and dissociation episodes i had for the past three or four weeks when i posted that recall of which i still can't bring myself to talk about. dave, you mentioned the lessening power of flashbacks with discussion but i just cannot go there and it is driving me nutty!! well, that wwas my two cents.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#649 - 12/03/03 09:55 PM Re: Flashbacks
senordeaner Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/01/03
Posts: 11
Honestly, I do remember most of what happened to me, but it is cloudy, and was practically the same thing repeated over and over again.
Does explaining it-speaking about it to someone or writing it out really work? If so, where do I go about doing that here? I don't want to describe memories in detail somewhere where some won't be prepared to read it.
I must say, I have felt a lot better since finding this site a few days ago. There really has been no outlet for me. I feel too ashamed to speak about it to anyone in my family. It's the emasculating part of it that gets me most-it's a taboo subject in most places. None of us planned for this to happen, and it's good to know that we have a place to gather, to help each other with support.

_________________________
People of the strongest character exist here.

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