In your previous post # 8 you felt the need to clarify that your BF had not cheated on "you or anybody else." My comment about cheating
in post #7 was just about my personal situation, not an implication of 'like' behavior by BF.
I was attempting in post #7 to address your statement in post #4:
If anyone could help me put the sexual acting out part of SA in perspective that would be a MAJOR help to me - that he coudl be involved with so many people but still love me - that is so hard for me to understand.
This is my opinion ONLY
, but I think you are mixing apples and oranges. You seem to be confusing (1)his sexuality with your desirability, (2)his obsessive compulsive SA-based pathology with his moral standards (based only on what he has expressed verbally to you). THIS IS NOT AN ATTACK ON YOU OR HIM, but imho several "shadow issues" could yet surface. You seem to be able to separate and tolerate his SA triggered anger issues, but once you wander into the sexual areana, quite naturally, you lose your objectivity.
Maybe your BF was spared some of the after-affects of SA that Getteddie and others on this forum have openly admitted because his abuse took place in his late teens. Maybe your boyfriend was lucky enough to have a well developed sense of himself as a "male" and that the abuse was NOT his first sexual experience. For Getteddie and others who was raped pre-puberty have EXTRA added confusion because their first sexual pleasure is forever linked
to the sexual abuse. I sometimes wonder how I could have been so clueless about Getteddie's sexual nature for over 21 years. ** Actually I now realize he had built "a very strong & tall wall" from even himself **.
The sexual addiction that continues to control him was a surprise to me. I know you believe the following statement, but....
Its not even our "compatibility" right now thats a problem - we are pretty evenly matched as far as sex drive.
It may be that he minimizes his real obsession because (1) he is ashamed of the 'compulsion' or (2)he is afraid that the reality of his 'needs' will drive you away. Your BF obviously loves you very much to have opened up to you about such a sensitive issue. Build on that foundation, but be aware that you need to be strong & flexible because you are building in a relationship EARTHQUAKE zone
I know that I sound 'more together about sorting through issues' than is actually true. My capacity to understand the impact of SA from an intellectual standpoint FAR EXCEEDS my emotional reconciliation. I have just gotten to a point that I can't waste my limited energy fighting what IS unfair
and am trying to focus on 'healthy ways' to accept and move forward.
Putting my soapbox away now,