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#62765 - 04/13/02 08:42 AM What can I do now? Please advise.
Afterthefall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/02
Posts: 4
My husband told me in January about his sexual abuse by his mother after keeping it a secret for over 50 years. He will not talk to anyone else about this and I need guidance so that I will be able to support him through this ordeal. His earliest memory up through 11 or 12 years old is of this abuse and he feels that he was the one responsible - even at the age of 4. How can I help him through this? Please help - I am very concerned for him.


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#62766 - 04/14/02 09:01 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Anonymous
Unregistered


Don't fret it. The journey's his alone. The Thing cannot be taken out,handed to someone else and say "Here. You deal with it". It's internal. Immensely so. He'll go thru stages. Last one being acceptance,recognition that no answer will be forthcoming. Ever. I went thru the same thing. Tried. Failed..


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#62767 - 04/17/02 10:36 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Afterthefall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/02
Posts: 4
Dear Tinfoil,

Thank you for the response. My husband's mother died 7 years ago, and about that time he became very depressed. He will never be able to have closure with her but he is talking to me about everything that he remembers. There are a lot of blanks. I'm hoping that I can find a book for him to read or a support group that he can hook up with. I can't begin to understand but I can listen and love him. It is very hard to find material about mother/son incest. Do you have any sources?


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#62768 - 04/18/02 12:20 AM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Anonymous
Unregistered


Fred in Denver hombres
E-mail Address:
fbdoshombres@hotmail.com
========================================
He's a shrink. This is the only man I know on the planet who may have lived thru mother/son incest. Seems like a decent sort. How he was able to attain a degree is a mystery to me.


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#62769 - 04/18/02 10:32 AM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
searching Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/16/00
Posts: 21
There are many good books, but I think Mike Lew's books (Victims No Longer, Leaping on the Mountains) are the best. Check the book list on this site for more good titles. This website is very helpful, and finding a good counselor who can deal with the aftereffects of male child sexual abuse (not an easy task) would be great for him. Please don't forget to take care of yourself during this time--I saw my own therapist while things were especially tough (several months), which helped me to keep things in perspective and keep going. It's not an easy road, but you can make it!

Lynda


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#62770 - 04/18/02 02:21 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Afterthefall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/02
Posts: 4
For all who have replied,

I do appreciate your comments and suggestions.

Lynda, I was not even aware of a book list on this site! I stumbled on it and found this discussion forum and have not browsed through the board. But I will now!

Thanks again for those who took the time to respond. I am following up on some of your suggestions.


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#62771 - 04/18/02 07:15 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
Hi,

I'm Babs and about 2 years ago my husband of 21 years recovered memories of Sexual Child Abuse that had occurred about 40 years ago. This situation has made our relationship stronger, but can best be described as " the emotional rollar coaster ride from HELL !!".

One of many good resource sites that I have discovered is called Men's Web Magazine. Located at http://WWW.VIX.COM. One subject area that can be reached from the home page is on Male Sexual Abuse. Definitely check out the writings of Scott Abraham, the webmaster of this site. He is a survivor of mother/son incest. His experiences are difficult to read about, but his strength is amazing. Your husband probably feels shame and guilt thus isolated by the SA and I think reading about Scott will show him he is NOT ALONE and has done nothing wrong. I even emailed Scott Abraham about my husband and he graciously responded.

Although I feel I am an amatuer therapist at times with my husband you both need to find professional help. The therapist can provide one important thing that you and your husband cannot achieve, either together or alone. The therapist can provide PROSPECTIVE, because they are not personally involved.

It has been very hard at times to help my huband realize that he was not to blame for the horrors that he suffered through. Keep reading and keep him talking/communicating with you.

You will be in my thoughts... Babs


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#62772 - 04/18/02 08:18 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Anonymous
Unregistered


Beware of the fakes. They exist. A few years ago I websearched mother/son incest. Found a married couple running a scam. Hubby claimed his mom dorked him. They sent me their literature. I read "I was seduced by my own mother",cracked up laughing. And then I got real,real mad. Well hey ya know anyone can visit the local adult book store,buy a few paperbacks of "real incest stories" and based on that,claim themselves victims. Then present themselves as experts on childhood sexual abuse. Victimwise,there's real victims & wannabes. Together they offer a cash-stream to opportunists.


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#62773 - 04/23/02 05:11 PM Re: What can I do now? Please advise.
Afterthefall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/25/02
Posts: 4
thanks again to those who have responded - I've not been online as much as usual - things are up and down of course.

I find that if I stayed focused on him and his problems I have much more compassion and understanding, but then, if I begin to think of me and my hurt (his infidelities etc) then I pretty well lose it and become "poor me".

I always hate it when I do this - it seems so weak and selfish - but most of the time, we are making it ok. He is really a very good person and I am amazed at his toughness and perserverance up to this point.

I have written other sources (including those that had been suggested) and have received no replies as yet, and I certainly don't want to impose on anyone.

Tinfoil, I do know that there are predators who will profit from others misfortune and I have been very very careful. Matter of fact, this is the only board and you are the only people that I have spoken of these matters with. I appreciate that you have been so hurt and yet reach out to others to comfort and advise them.


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