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#62457 - 11/09/01 08:16 AM Who Will Stop The Rain ?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone,
Today men can cry and can go to Therapist so the numbers of male rape victems that haven't offed themselfs is going up so fast, that they are just raining down to earth again!!!!

I flipped out 15 mounths ago with flashbacked of being raped by an older friend at 11. Have been to lots od MD's, Therapist, have read alot and talked to 1000's of people about this. My abuse went on for 4 years which left me with 1000's of different flashbacks. I have now washed the flashbacks enough to remeber all the little details and when one starts, I can shut it down by pulling up the memorie...memory...whatever...and the flashback stops. Whatever, I'm past all of the rough stuff and can look at the whole thing now and really see where all the parts fit...can't fit them together right now but maybe someday. I would like to share what I have learned and get some feed back on how nuts I am!

Raping of the sexes....Female and Male

Females have been made stronger then men in mind and body...not battle skills but more and better parts....Why...So that the Famale aminal can reperduce and raise the child when the male runs off...most male aminals do not hang around to take care of therir young or even wait for them to be born...So females have to be made smarter and stronger!
Do they handle being raped any better...don't know..I'm not a women and don't have personal facts to back up what I have learned from others!!!

Men with a history of SA is something that I know a lot about...but still not enough!!! When men are raped they go nuts and stay that way...can get it to a point of control but are alls nuts from it!!!!!!!!! Lets hear it from some completly recovered nut...who thinks he is and is more nuts from denial that the nuts that are under control!!! A man mind is fairly simple to any skilled female...He wants something...does a lot of thinking about it ...then sometimes he just goes for it...never has a true reason why..until you squeeze it out of him! All men want sex..MOST...jack off and think about what they want to do....some go forth and act it out for real!!!!! SA men are just as horny as all men BUT...they have a hard time trying to figger out what kind of sex they want...so most jack off and think about it...some go forth to act it out!!!! Now the Jack-Offs will always be nuts and like a little boy with sex!!!! The go forth men will most likely get into trouble by not knowing what they really need....the ones that are married really fuck up big time!!! The men that are really Gay have it the easiest...taking control of what was done to him and acting it out is just fun it the Gay World....I'm not saying that a Gay man with SA does not suffer...just trying to say that the others are very comfussed about sex and get into trouble trying to act it out with other men!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, we got jack_off that think about having sex with men and boys...men who go forth and ack it out but do jack off and think about it too...and men who live in denial of the SA and maybe the nutest of all SA men!!!!

Men of SA know that sex has been changed forever for them...they think that it sucks...and fall apart in many ways..Anger is the first, hardest and longest lasting...Whatever, I will talk of what I know but will point out the other path the a men of SA must walk.

Men that have been abused as a child by men or other boys...Boys who have been raped anally from the age of 10 and up....
Sexual Control is the true path to happiest...There are TWO ways to go here...two paths...a split in the road...some here want to be in control in as an Active Top...Complete control...Some of theses are Peds. and I took the other path...not saying that I don't have understanding and compassion for the Peds.....just don't understand that path!!!! The Passive Path....passive not submitive....want to be the bottom but in control!....one thing...most SA men don't know what they want or need...or don't want to admit it....Theses are the men that I know are going to get into trouble when they act on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heres where the Jack-Offs think of having sex with hung men or any thing is close to one. They know that their but is on fire...like being in heat...some men will flip out and do anything to find relief...I did...Whatever, If the guy isn't gay ...he is just VERY attacted to have sex with the part of his body that was raped....and he lets another man do it to him...he will feel like he is being raped and not in control...unless he finds a man who will let him have complete of it....Control of acting it out is the most important thing!
Now we cme to another split...married or not....or not can do what they want to and to who ever they want to is acting it out.....married have to do it with their wifes or they will be in trouble...big time....here most men stop and will not ass the wife to do it for them....they go outside the marriage...Too bad he couldn't ask....or Too Bad, she wouldn't do it! The hardest part is getting started but once into it...the man finds true control of the type of sex that he needs the most...True Happiest...for awhile these men are at peace with the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eddie


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#62458 - 11/09/01 04:43 PM Re: Who Will Stop The Rain ?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone,
If one marriage could be saved...Male SA survivors have a very high rate of break ups...too high...not all Male SA survivors need to run off to find out if they are gay...or wonder forever about it...they may really dislike men but need what a man can do for them...or think that they do...it could be JUST an attaction to the part that was abused! Everyone...wifes..husbands..single men...their girl friends...who ever...slow down and find out what the real needs are!

Eddie


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#62459 - 11/20/01 11:06 AM Re: Who Will Stop The Rain ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Youre right, Eddie, if one marriage could be saved. But you see all these posts where the guy pushed away his woman and hurts her trying to make himself feel better. Open up to your wife or your girlfriend and let her in and let her help. I think women are very understanding and will try to help when you let them.


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#62460 - 11/24/01 09:19 PM Re: Who Will Stop The Rain ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Eddie,

You are right when you say that men who are survivors of childhood SA are screwed up big-time! You are also correct that sexual abuse is about power and control and, in this regard, I believe that males who are victims of SA grapple with a distorted sense of sexual identity...perhaps for their entire lives. Certainly your posts reflect this.

The power in a discussion forum such as this one is the knowledge that we are not alone, that there is nothing "wrong" with us, and that we don't have to spend our entire lives acting as though we are damaged goods. True, we put forth an inordinate amount of energy trying hard to convince ourselves and those around us that we are "normal," but, of course, we don't really know what normal is because it is this distortion that is the real tragedy in sexual abuse.

I can't quote the statistics off the top of my head, but my sense is that a substantial number of men who have been sexually abused have difficulty with intimate relationships. What we want more than anything is to love and be loved for who we are, but we often shoot ourselves in the foot because we sometimes push away the very people we want to be close to because we have feelings of inadequacy, and because our distorted thoughts have us second-guessing ourselves continually....and sometimes we don't feel that we really know who we are.

Men who have been sexually abused are, I believe, frequently physically attracted to other men....not because they necessarily want to have sex with them, but because they look at these seemingly "together" guys and have an internal longing to be like them....To have some of their "guyness" rub off on us and in some strange way help us to feel whole.

Ah, yes, we are walking a treacherous path sometimes. Those of us who have wives and partners who love us (despite our warts!) have to keep reminding ourselves that we have been given a wonderful gift. We also have to work hard to not screw it up for ourselves. Our sexual identity fantasies can sometimes cause us to try to get our wives or partners to participate in sexual activities that are borne out of our abusive confusion and, of course, these seldom work out as mutually pleasurable, leaving both partners feeling unsettled.

God, I wish we could just heal ourselves by doing some kind of self-talk and that intellectual explanations like I've just written could make it all better. But it's a start. I think if we can understand why we do some of the crazy things we do we have a good shot at re-framing our distorted thinking to at least not repeat the things that don't work for us.

But, of course, it's the feelings that churn inside that drive us to the endless thinking and wondering and second-guessing that we find ourselves engaged in as we struggle with wanting to be "normal." I have mentioned previously that I am working on letting go of the idea that I'm ever going to be "normal." I don't know what normal is, and I believe that whatever opportunity I had to be normal went out the window when I was sexually abused as a kid. So, my best shot at happiness is to learn to love myself for who I am and for whatever gifts, talents, and quirks I have that make me who I am.

As a SA victim, there is a part of me that has always been curious about other men and I have even fantasized about what it would be like to have sex with them. I have also fantasized about having sex with other women. But deep down I know that however explosive or physically stimulating it might be, when it is all over I wouldn't feel any more whole or healed or better about myself. Why? Because ultimately, it's really not about sex...it's about a hurting little boy inside...and THAT'S my challenge.

Thanks for listening, guys, and thanks for your ongoing support and encouragement. Together, we're healing ourselves.

Don

[ November 24, 2001: Message edited by: dynamitedon ]


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#62461 - 12/20/01 03:32 PM Re: Who Will Stop The Rain ?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone,
When I reread my post, I think: "WOW"...boy was I fliped out that day or boy have I improved...must be feeling a lot better...thought that I was flying apart!!! Time on the right path is what we all need!!!!! I had 3 bad med problems that were giving me lots of pain and the pain was flashing me out! Had 3 operations and I'm recovering from the last...hope the pain goes away!!

Eddie

Eddie


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