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#62293 - 06/22/06 02:21 PM Why the heck does this make us fight
totally lost Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/15/06
Posts: 15
I know we are both holding in a lot of feelings. Since we have kids, since we do have to live and move on, we have to hold it in. I know we need to get a a therapist ASAP.We have had some, well mostly him, sometimes it helped, sometimes he felt worse. But in general it helped. But now with new insurance it will be a couple of weeks.

But I was bad last night. I woke up and knew it was a "bad" day, some days are worse than others.
Things always get worse when we have to face things , like the lawyer. He E-Mailed" Good News" said the ERD had found in our favor in their investigation.

So he said we will use our tran>

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#62294 - 06/22/06 03:39 PM Re: Why the heck does this make us fight
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Ann,

Everything you describe could have been prompted by ANY stressful situation or by just having a bad day. Cut yourself some slack. You two have had a lot thrown your way and if you didn't recoil from it a little bit, you'd be super-human, which you’re not.

Once that insurance kicks in, make it a priority for both you and your husband to get yourselves into therapy. You need an outlet desperately before you rip each other apart, which is the last thing you want to do.

As for your lawyer I know it seems like they just scratch the surface because they know everything that's going on, but it doesn't ease your anxiety because you're still a bit clueless. Why not ask him if he's got a paralegal in the office who can spend some time with you just explaining the procedures and "what ifs" It's very likely that the guy doesn't have the time cause he's busy which means he's probably good which you want, but.... If no para is around, call a victim's rights organization and see if they can help. It doesn't really matter what State it's in ‘cause if your case is being hear in Federal Court; the rules are the same.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#62295 - 06/22/06 06:20 PM Re: Why the heck does this make us fight
totally lost Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/15/06
Posts: 15
Thanks, I know it is going to be hard, we will have bad days. I just feel like I am having so many "bad" days. I just wish I could block it all out. I wish I was not so angry. I tried to tell him I was sorry today, but right now he is still mad. I just have to try and not let my anger leak out.

I am not sure who he has working with him. I think he does have someone else working on things with him. We will have to ask. But you are right , he is busy. I know we can not expect him to be able to just drop everything and cater to our questions. His answers are just so confusing to us. But I guess we should find someone who can help us through the whole process.


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#62296 - 06/23/06 03:44 AM Re: Why the heck does this make us fight
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Hi Ann,

Trish's advice is right on; your lawyer is there for you, and you ought to be able to get as much information as he (or someone who works with him) can give you about what's happening with your case. Of course no one can say what will happen next, but in terms of what's happening now, there's got to be someone who can explain it to you.

Maybe some of your anger and stress would be lessened if you could feel a little more secure, have a little more knowledge? I know uncertainty is so hard.

What can you do with your anger that would help you? You can't hold it in forever. I like to go to the batting cage myself. Maybe you and your husband could find a fun way to get rid of some of that stress together-- even if it's just throwing rocks into a river or something like that.

Hang in there,
SAR


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#62297 - 06/23/06 01:03 PM Re: Why the heck does this make us fight
totally lost Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/15/06
Posts: 15
We were able to work it out when he got home.Today I feel better , like at least this day I will not be in a hole.Plus he has this weekend off. I don't know what we are going to do, but we are going to go some where with all the kids and have fun.

Maybe we will even go somewhere alone. Our oldest son was living with my parents going to college in WA. state.He wanted to come home when all this happen.So he is with us,he could watch his brother and sisters, ummm yeah we have 6 kids,LOL. As I said we are very family centered. I think because we bonded so close because our pasts. We both had the ideal of the perfect family. To give them everything we did not get. Our kids are wonderful. But we do not go out alone much. It might be nice to just be with each other one day.

The law side, it is just very confusing. I can not understand how anyone would think an average person would go the law route "to just try to get money" because it is costly and takes a very long time. It is also just draining mentally .It is no route for someone to go just for money. You have to be looking for some sort of justice to make the whole process worth going through.


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