Dear Sammy, SAR, and Dave, I feel so supported and understood. Thanks again...I know that I need to be able to set better bounderies. I want to know when to say "I don't want to discuss this further until we are feeling less triggered." even if that makes him angry. It can be hard to take space in a small apt., but I know that it can be done. My friend magically asked me today if I wanted her spare mattress. I want us to have different beds and different rooms so that if we need to take the space we can. I scheduled a counsling appointment for myself today, and I hope couples counsling will follow. I'm trying to not just let this whole thing slip away like it never happened because that is the pattern. I want to have a plan for myself so that neither of us will be abusive to the other. I'm hoping to get my own computer so that I won't have to rely on his anymore. I'm feeling really hopeful. Good luck with your new life Sammy!