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#6184 - 06/19/05 08:03 AM Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
I am here with a person translator tonight, so perhaps things will make much more sense. I thank everyone who has given to me advice and response to my questions. You all are very kind to share your wisdom with me.

And so, I come to here tonight to make request for other advice of something.

There is person that a friend and I both placed police statements on several months ago, of abuses he put on us both in the past. He is in jail right now, he is waiting for trial in September, but he is being on trial for other charges. Because these charges were different, and considered more serious than the sexual abuse ones, my friend and I, we both were told that we would most likely not be needed to go in court. Also, they have the physical proof on this man of one of the other charges that I am aware of.

Several days ago, we are called, to say that they would actually like one of us to speak in court of what this man did to us. That both of us, they would like available, but that they would like at least one of us to plan to speak, to be prepared for it. Because now they believe, if they bring into this case also the sexual abuse, they can get a harsher sentence placed on this man, although Russia does not put criminals to death at this time. But at times,they still will issue that sentence to a criminal, and should we begin to do that as a nation again, the sentence is on the person. That is the issue with this.

First they asked my friend if he would speak in the court, because he placed the first charge on this man, and also the abuse was longer lasting to him than to me, which it is just the 'one time' thing to me. But my friend, it would be so difficult for him, for his family, because they do not know all details of his abuse, and also for it being public, he is not someone who wants that. Since I do not have the same issues with my family knowing of it, I say I will do it instead.

I do not blame my friend, and I am certainly not stronger than him or anyone else. I just felt it would be easier for me, in my situation, than his. But since I say I will do that, I am terrified of it. I have never spoken all the details but once, of what happen from this man, and that was one night I was quite drunk and telling this to my friend. I cannot imagine it, how it will be to have to speak it in court, in front of people, in front of 'him', and to maintain without going crazy.

We ask if it is possible to do this by written statement or video. We are told no, the first one, they already have written statements by both of us. And the solicitor, he states that he do not feel that it would be allowed in court, the information, if the person representing that man is not allowed to question me, or whoever it is who speaks. And they wish to have that stronger sentence.

I do not regret that I say yes I will do it. I will do it. But I wish, is anyone here who has done this, and can you tell me of how to do it safely. I do not wish to be emotional. I do not want this monster to see my emotion about what he did to me, or my friend, or how ever many other boys he did this to. How do I speak this without emotion? Or is that even best thing? Please, if anyone can advice? This do not happen until September, but it is what I think of last two days.

I do not wish to give more detail right now because my translator tonight, he is here just to assist my words, he is not survivor,and he do not know the details. I feel I am not prepared to share them with any not-survivors yet.

Thank you.

VN


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#6185 - 06/19/05 08:11 AM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
VN, perhaps you can have your solicitor or the prosecution lawyer do some 'dress rehearsals' with you between now and the court date. i.e. they will take you through all the questions and statements and prepare you for the counter attacks from your perpetrator's lawyer. Also, it might be allowed that you are able to present a prepared statement. Please remember, as uncomfortable as you feel, imagine the acute discomfort your testimony will give your perpetrator. He can no longer hurt you. He is powerless and in custody. A child molestor never fares well in jail. They are perceived by other inmates as being the lowest of the low. Which they are! I salute your courage. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#6186 - 06/19/05 05:36 PM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
VN first I want to say how brave you are to stand up to your abuser like this.

I am not aware of the justice system in Russia but in other countries when a witness is thought to be delicate often the judge can put restraints on the lawyers in thier questions. Also, you might be able to ask for a closed courtroom. Only the nessacary people are allowed in the court room.

Andrew's idea of dry runs is a good one. Also, perhaps if you practice what you are going to say, in front of a mirror or to your friend that you trust, over and over again that could help.

I am sure that you are ging to do really well and I am amazed at your courage.

Jonathan

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#6187 - 06/19/05 05:53 PM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
VN, you are courageous beyond belief to do this for your friend.

Yes it will be very difficult for you to do it.
Look after your own emotional safety, is the first thing.

Lawyers in Court can twist things around and also make you look like it is you who are guilty one.
I think it might be good if you have a good conversation with your own lawyer, as to your concerns.

I hope you can be strong through this hard time,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#6188 - 06/19/05 08:30 PM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
VN - I am doing a similar thing only I live in England (UK). The only difference is that I am curently the only witness.

I do have the option of using a video link if I wish - this means being present in the Crown Court bulding, so that I can be asked questions and respond to them live.

I currently intend to actually go face to face with my abuser in court, because I want to see his reaction when I make him face up to what he has done.

The way I see it (and it's what keeps me sane)is that I am now allowing my 12 Year Old Inner child; to speak though the voice of a 47 year old man(that I allegedly am now).

It's the first time that 12 year old has ever had the opportunity to speak directly to his perpetrator. It will be difficult, but it will give him some peace afterwards, because he will know that he has done everything possible to reclaim his life. He also knows that the world will be a safer place for others.

VN - you can find the strength to do this and I wish you every success....Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#6189 - 06/20/05 02:14 AM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
My friend, I have told you this many times, but I will say it again. You are a man of great strength, and one of the most honorable persons I have ever met.

I certainly hope that the 'closed court' will be a must. A trial such as this, there are some sensationalistic aspects, and I truly wish no further harm to come to you because of the publicity of it. I know that to some degree, it can not be avoided. But certainly, it is HIM being on trial, not YOU.

However, being that you are being asked to testify, in a means to show more the sadistic 'character' of this person, I am sure that the person defending him will do what he can, what he is allowed, to attack YOUR character as well. Perhaps the testimony can be held out of court, where still he will have a chance to question you, but then it can be on video and shown? And in that way, perhaps your identity can be maintained private. I am not sure if that is permissible, but it is something to ask of the solicitor when you speak with him again.

However, if you do have to speak in the court itself, I do not know that it is best to maintain emotion. I know that you are one who has difficulty with public emotion, and that you do not wish to give this beast 'satisfaction' of seeing you emotional. However, if the members of the court see you there without emotion, telling of all this horrible stuff, they may think, oh, well it doesn't bother him so much it seems. I am not saying speak and cry and scream and go crazy. But neither hold back all emotion. Allow yourself whatever you naturally feel.

You know you will have all the support and advice I can give to you in the next few months.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#6190 - 06/20/05 09:29 AM Re: Thank you, and request for advice or assistance
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Thank you very much, all who speak to me here and give such good advising. I will use all help I can have with this. I did write something tonight, and a friend, he translate it and put it here for me. It is first time I try to put it more in words, and is difficult, I can not speak so much of it, but around it some. But it is first time to try, it will be better. I will be more strong then, instead of now. You are generous persons here, thank you.

VN


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