My husband is hurting.......and I hate to see him hurting, but I can't take his hurt away.............
I already knew that he was hurting because of physical, mental and emotional abuse he suffered at the hands of his adoptive mother when he was a child, as well as the rejection by his Birth Mother, but did not realise how much he was hurting after being raped by a man when he was a teenager. Because of his difficult life, he ended up living on the streets when he was about 14, and sometime after that, when he was drunk one night, and older guy raped him. My husband had mentioned this to me years ago, but never said that it bothered him, but just recently, after he and I had gone through a stressful time, he told me why he felt stressed. I was upset because my Husband had smoked some Dope, which was something he used to do all the time when we first got together. Then, a few years later, he overcome his drug and alcohol problem, and seemed to have put all that stuff behind him. We have 4 children together, and I have always been afraid that my Hubby would go back to that kind of stuff, so when I caught him the other night after he had smoked some dope, I was devastated and afraid. It also didn't help that I personally have been suffering from Depression, having just begun taking Medication for it. But I tried to put aside how I was feeling to find out from my Husband 'Why?' - why he had gone and smoked dope after so many years? Why had he broken the promise he made to me years ago? It took quite awhile to get him to tell me the 'big' thing ~ that he goes through periods when he feels weak inside, powerless, when he remembers the rape............when I heard his pain, it broke my heart, but it was good that he told me - good that he was starting to touch upon those things in his past, instead of burying them.
Now, I want to be there for him. I am encouraging him to look for someone professional to talk to, but the decision is his, and it would be pointless for me to pressure him into it, as HE needs to be ready himself. Okay, maybe you are wondering why I am sharing all this.........it's simple, really. I want to understand him more, I want to know what kind of difficulties that my husband has had may be related to this rape - the drugs, alcohol, violence (early in our marriage he would abuse me), the fact that he is harder on our 2 boys than our 2 girls, bouts of depression that suddenly descend on him, him constantly feeling like a failure........many things really.
Please help me to understand this man that I so dearly love, so that I can be supportive to him, and stand by him as he works through all of this.