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#61464 - 08/12/04 11:49 PM forget it
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#61465 - 08/12/04 11:55 PM Re: forget it
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#61466 - 08/13/04 07:10 AM Re: forget it
FastForward Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/04
Posts: 188
Loc: US
The poem is good but it is difficult to predict how CSA mind receives any gift. Usually, one just waits and sees. Just because the intention was honorable does not mean that it will be seen that way. I do not think that it is a reflection on you but we all receive through the filters of our experience. Best wishes. Hope all goes well.

_________________________
FastForward

L&P - always.

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#61467 - 08/13/04 10:25 AM Re: forget it
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Angelina - It is difficult for me to say this, but even *I* am recoiling from all of your attention!!! The man has told you REPEATEDLY to leave him alone!!!! ALONE = ALONE! Your "love" for him must appear to him to have a highly coercive tone to it: let the man be!! We as partners have to learn that there is no such "command" as "HEAL!" If we try this tactic, the Survivor will ceratinly "hear" us loud & clear. But what he will "hear" will be more like the "HEEL" command we would bark at a puppy! Just leave him be! If we attempt to insinuate ourselves where we are not wanted, we just end up undermining the Survivor's sense of competence & independence - I do not believe any of us "parters" should ever put "winning" first in lieu of truly RESPECTING our Loved Ones: NO, we do NOT always or ever know what is "best" for our Loved Ones. Furthermore, to paraphrase a song from Dan Hicks & his Hot Licks, "How can he miss you if you don't go away?????"

Sorry to be so blunt, but perhaps you can figure out how you can lavish some of that adoration where it will do the most good - upon yourself. Please take care.

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#61468 - 08/13/04 12:11 PM Re: forget it
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Originally posted by FastForward:
The poem is good but it is difficult to predict how CSA mind receives any gift. Usually, one just waits and sees. Just because the intention was honorable does not mean that it will be seen that way. I do not think that it is a reflection on you but we all receive through the filters of our experience. Best wishes. Hope all goes well.
I agree - this is actually one of my favourites as I have had my own life of trauma too (see my other longwinded post!)

But be aware, that the CSA mind indeed filters things to often prove some things that it learned during trauma - that the world is an unsafe place, that people are out to get me and control me, that nobody is to be trusted, that I am awful and shameful, etc. It is possible that your ex may find some peace in the poem, but on the other hand he may feel that the Lord has abandoned him and that this is just another way of someone trying to control him. Its difficult to say which way he will percieve this poem.

I can see that by you sending him this poem that you likely have a strong faith in the Lord?? If so why not step back and let HIM step in.. pray to the Lord and pray that HE will help your ex in a way that none of us can do on earth? Let the Lord step in.. He is more great and more powerful than ANY of us here on earth. Let HIM do his job!! I have always found that I was being "called" in my moments of great pain, that was God's hand (sorry about the interchange of God/Jesus but I'm Catholic - we see God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit as one big giant spiritual ball of "all the same thing")..

Also you can look at the poem for yourself.. let the Lord pick YOU up and hold YOU in his hand and carry you when you dont feel like you can make it. Turn your faith and attention to the spiritual as we are called to do and put your attention THERE and not on a worldly pursuit (your ex)!!

And remember, God's time is God's time.. we are not one to know when and how his magic is working.. it can take a short time, or a long time to resolve, but we have to TRUST and have FAITH that the RIGHT THING will happen. It may not be the right thing for US but it is ultimately the right thing for God. Thats what faith is all about - not trying to fix the outcome but being faithful and trusting that God will stick by us with whatever happens!

P


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#61469 - 08/13/04 04:42 PM Re: forget it
FastForward Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/04
Posts: 188
Loc: US
Angelina - You seem to be in a very raw place and that is understandable. As a farewell gift, this was very kind. You seem to have a hard time with the separation though but you are trying. Good for you! That is all you can do. You will find your balance again.

It seems you did not arrive at your battered emotions by yourself but are left to deal with them by yourself. He was your friend and that is where you are turning for help, naturally. It is disappointing not to receive it there. I am sorry to say but it seems to happen a lot in these situations.

Your void will heal, even if it does not happen in this relationship as it stands now. You seem to have a lot of strength even in this weak moment. Focus it on you at this moment. You can get through this.

If there is only one set of footsteps on your path at this moment, you know WHO is carrying you.

(((((Angelina)))))

_________________________
FastForward

L&P - always.

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