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#61393 - 04/11/06 02:24 AM Its been awhile....
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Hi all! Its been forever since I posted on here. I just wanted to say HI and that i'm still around. Its been a very difficult year for me thats for sure.

I just thought I'd drop by and provide an update. I've been off work on Maternity leave since April 2005. My H and I had a baby girl on June 22, 2005. After that I suffered a very bad case of Postpartum Depression. Part of it was due to a very scary birth experience - both the baby and I had to have a lot of medical intervention. She was barely breathing and I was bleeding heavily.

My relationship with my H has been on a very rocky and unbelievable journey. We've seen each other through the best and worst of times. WE have a lovely baby and are still in therapy. We are committed to working things through but its still hard. We have an amazing, no bull**** therapist who is putting ALL of our experiences, my husband's SA, my own abuse history, my PPD into perspective. Its hard but we're still going. The relationship friction with my husband is a major part of my postpartum depression, and I'm glad that we have found a therapist who can put it all together for us.

The rest of the year has not been much better. For those of you who remember me calling upon my experiences with my addict/alcoholic father, well, he died suddenly on November 15, 2005. I'm still reeling. We still dont know what happened. He just died one night laying on the couch. My mom woke up to find him dead on the floor beside the couch. I can't believe it most days. I'm flip flopping between missing him like crazy and feeling liberated from his insane moods and selfishness. Its a very difficult journey I'm on.

I also had some medical problems in addition to the birth experience - I've had many infections and even surgery to remove my gall bladder. I dont think I've been sicker or in more pain in my life over the past year. I'm still fat from having the baby, and still fighting the depression, but ya know what? I'm still alive, still here.

My H has been proceeding with his case against his SA perp. He actually has a date now - June 14 of this year. He is meeting with lawyers soon. He's pretty dedicated to his men's group (still going to that) despite the fact that the first group he went to, the group in which he started to feel comfortable disbanded due to the facilitator having a brain aneurism.

Sheez, if this wasn't all true it seems like a bad soap opera.. but its not. Its my life.

Our therapist actually congratulated us today - that my H and I are still together and still going.. although most days we dont feel like it.. but that we're still going its a miracle.

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with our little girl - a miracle herself. A miracle of innocence, miracle of "living in the moment" and a miracle of joy. She's the happiest, giggliest and smiling-est kid we've ever seen!

Anyhow I hope that you are all okay.. and feel free to drop me an email or a PM.

PAS


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#61394 - 04/11/06 11:59 AM Re: Its been awhile....
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
PAS,

Welcome back and thanks for all the news. You do talk about some serious challenges, but overall it looks like you have had a good year. Especially the birth of your daughter! Congratulations!

I know what you mean about the soap opera. Sometimes I wonder, who will believe this? Perhaps it shows how dramatically abuse can distort everything else in our lives, both in terms of what happens and in terms of how we understand it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#61395 - 04/14/06 11:40 AM Re: Its been awhile....
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
PAS,

wb, sounds like some crazy rocky road youve been on.

The best therapist is the little girl though, what more do you need!

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#61396 - 04/14/06 05:20 PM Re: Its been awhile....
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
ste,

You need a lot more. PPD is hard enough without insinuating that infant care should be enough to fulfill your emotional needs. It's a difficult and mostly thankless way to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not to mention that I don't think expecting children to meet a parent's need for emotional health and fulfillment is healthy for the child.

PAS, I really don't want to jack this thread and I am so glad to see you around again, even if just for a little bit. This is a hectic weekend for me but I am writing you a PM in my head \:\)


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#61397 - 04/14/06 09:48 PM Re: Its been awhile....
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
SAR,

guess I only know about my 42 years of depression, but I know it cannot relate to what you refer to.

It is so hard for a mother to go through that sort of thing as I am aware, but I was not insinuating anything, like I never have done.
It was just a touch of friendship to show that PAS has a beautiful smiling child.

Please dont take my post out of context as to its real meaning which is so easy to do.
I know it was short and not touching the real fears that PAS felt, but try and treat me as a survivor, and not somebody to mock.

Guess I am right outta here, right!

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#61398 - 04/14/06 09:53 PM Re: Its been awhile....
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Sorry,

guess I am just mouthing I just never got round to lessons on insinuation, guess I never will.

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#61399 - 04/15/06 03:09 AM Re: Its been awhile....
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
PAS,

Hi, I'm new since you last posted, but it sounds like you've got the drill down pretty well. As for everything you've gone through in the last year or so, I think you can chalk that up to another chapter in the "You can't make this shit up" book.

When it rains it pours. Everything you write though is very positive and I'm happy for you and your husband. You're on the right side of the fight and working your way up.

Congratulations on your baby girl!

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#61400 - 04/15/06 05:19 PM Re: Its been awhile....
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
no worries re: needing a lot more! I went to a major hospital to get care going back in September.. (before my dad died) and I had a lot of stuff in place before things kept getting worse.

I have a very sympathetic family doctor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist (individual and couples) a respite care worker who gives me a break 8 hours per week, I have family and friends to help babysit, I go to a postpartum depression support group weekly, I am on medication, I get bi-weekly visits from a mental health nurse.

My H will be taking some time off work to prepare for his case, he'll be in individual therapy to prepare for his case....

no worries.. we're fully therapied!!!!!! But the baby does bring me a lot of comfort... mostly as a welcome distraction! But yes motherhood is more of a difficult job that takes out of you rather than fulfilling.. definitely motherhood "completing" someone is indeed a myth... and moms need a LOT of support thats for sure!!!!

p


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#61401 - 04/15/06 11:34 PM Re: Its been awhile....
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
PAS
I'm constantly amazed by the amount of crap that suddenly comes into some peoples lives - and they get through it.

I guess that strength is what led us to this site, the therapists chairs, the doctors surgeries and before that the decision we made to seek help, or support someone we love.

Your positive attitude shines through, and that's the reason you cope.
There's a lesson for us all in there somewhere \:D

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#61402 - 04/19/06 12:50 AM Re: Its been awhile....
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Lord knows I dont feel strong most days though.. or positive.. i just put one foot in front of the other... and keep going somehow.

I also have learned not to look too far in the future, its too dam* scary. I just look at this evening, maybe tomorrow morning, thats about all. Anything further than that is too anxiety-provoking.

I've learned through these new experiences to look at the small things - a nice day, a pretty flower, a deep breath of fresh air.. to get strength from that..

And also not to be afraid of my tears, and of crying.. I decided last fall that if I feel like I"m just going to whenever and wherever.. if someone doesnt like it too bad.. it takes way too much energy to pretend everything's fine when its' not.

P


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