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#61155 - 12/04/00 06:39 AM DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
MARSHA Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 24
HEY TINK,
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO POST A REPLY SEVERAL TIMES, BUT THE SITE WOULD NOT POST. I FIGURED THAT MAYBE OURS WAS GETTING TOO LONG, SO I STARTED A NEW TOPIC. CAN WE CONTINUE FROM HERE?

ALL IS WELL HERE. IT IS MY HUSBAND'S BUSY SEASON RIGHT NOW, SO HE IS WORKING LIKE CRAZY. WE HAVE DECIDED THAT WE WILL NOT BE GOING TO HIS FAMILY'S HOME IN JANUARY, AS WE USUALLY DO, IT WAS TOO HARD FOR HIM THIS LAST VISIT. (ME TOO, BUT HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW. I'LL TELL HIM AFTER THE HOLIDAY SEASON) NOW WE JUST HAVE TO TELL HIS FAMILY. I'M NOT TOO WORRIED ABOUT IT.

I LOVED YOUR STATUE/PIGEON STATEMENT. THAT PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP ANY SITUATION.

HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING WITH YOUR HUSBAND? ANY PLANS FOR YOUR FUTURE. I DO HOPE THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING VERY STRONG! YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.

TALK SOON,
MARSHA

P.S. I, TOO, RESPONDED TO SHELBY. SHE IS JUST STARTING THE WHOLE THING. (BRINGS BACK SOME BITTER MEMORIES.) I HOPE THAT SHE REALIZES THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR EACH SITUATION.


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#61156 - 12/04/00 07:00 AM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi Marsha,
Our posts are still showing up on the old one titled "HELP" but there are two pages now so you have to click on the 2. Someone put a rather nasty post there suggesting you and I get off the board because we are chatting. Let me know if you have any suggestions on how we can continue to support each other without being verbally attacked on this board.

Talk to you soon Marsha.


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#61157 - 12/04/00 04:01 PM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 11/29/00
Posts: 4
Loc: GA USA
I am just beginning what you all have been going through. I need all of the help/advice I can get. Please let me know if you can help.
Ash


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#61158 - 12/05/00 06:51 AM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi Ash,
I can't promise to have the right answers for you but we are all going through the same thing, the details may change and we are at different stages but the fear, pain and stress are equal to all. Fire away!Tink


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#61159 - 12/07/00 06:48 PM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 11/29/00
Posts: 4
Loc: GA USA
Hey Tinker,
I don't know how far along you are, or your story, but how do you breakdown the physical and emotional wall? My boyfried was abused by his father and I makes my sick to know that he was not only robbed of his innocence, but his childhood too. I am the only person that he had told about the abuse with the exception of the people involved and his mother. I just don't even know where to begin helping him recover. Please help me.
Ash


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#61160 - 12/08/00 08:05 AM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi ASH
We are at the beginning too and my best advise to you is don't push too hard! I was very gung-ho to proceed with counseling, reading, talking about the abuse but I had to back off. These men have been repressing feelings relating to the abuse for a lifetime and just because we are now aware of the problem does not mean they are ready to deal with it. They have to want to do it for themselves and not just for the sake of their relationship with us. I personally would not be excited to face such pain regardless of the reward. I can parallel it to my husbands adultery, I know I have to face it in order to heal but the thought of digging up those memories and talking about it is too painful, even if it will save my marriage. It is easy for us to stand back and note the parts of their personality and routine that we attribute to the past abuse. We may see it and want it changed but they may not. I thought it was my job to rescue him but I now believe it is his job, mine is to support him when he wants me to.

Wishing you strength,
Tink


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#61161 - 12/13/00 06:18 AM Re: DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS FOR ALL
livingwithit Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/08/00
Posts: 21
Tinker, chat away, this board lacks response so I am glad to see any kind of posts. Jenni


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