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#61065 - 03/30/06 06:05 PM News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear all
I haven't posted in a long time 'cos I am so busy and hardly coping with studies, day job, internships and projects with survivors.
I have also been in a phase of moving on. I have been dating someone but the relationship is slowly growing so I am learning to deal with triggers and self sabotage as it comes along.
Some of you may know that I have been on a spiritual journey of an extraordinary intensity. God has planned this amazing journey which has started 3 years ago.
There is nothing new really from V. I have not heard from him though I can regularly feel his presence. As part of my spiritual journey I have come to discover a place where I lived in a past life. I know some of you will have doubts about that kind of experience. For me, getting to a place I have never been in my life and recognizing everything there was a massive shock. My body was shaking and I started to cry. This place is an old monastery on an island in Ireland. Since then, I have been on a journey of discovering, understanding and integrating what happened there.
Sorry I have to go will post the rest later today !
;\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61066 - 03/30/06 07:46 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Caro,

I'm glad things are going well for you! \:\)

ROCK ON.....Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#61067 - 03/30/06 09:25 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Caro,

It's good to hear from you and to find that things are going so well for you. The location sounds so beautiful, and I bet it is inspiring in so many ways.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#61068 - 03/30/06 09:38 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
So here I am back at the computer.
Doing all that searching, I found out that dramatic events took place for me there at that monastery and that's why the memory of it was so strong. V, my love then and now murdered me in that past life (push me off the cliff). Yes that is not a nice thing to do ! So you can imagine the impact of that discovery which also helped me understand the dynamic of fear, anger and guilt that was a constant component of our relationship.
For some of you that might seem totally crazy but apparently true love through out different lives and the journey of the souls is being tested. So I am going back to the monastery on the Aran Islands and I am hoping to do what Native Americans called a vision quest, spending the night in the ruins to meditate and bring true light and love unto both our souls and heal ourselves.
V has no idea I have undertaken this journey and I don't think he is ready to understand all this though on a soul level he knows I am doing the healing (and that's how I understand that after 1 year of silence I bumped into him the day before I was leaving for the pilgrim trek of Compostella last summer).
I guess with all this I want to ask if any of you have experienced a similar discovery.
Also my pain is that right now I am developping a new relationship which I know is not LOVE, it is a caring, loving and very peaceful relationship but not love as in soul mate. Because I am preparing my vision quest and I am very much focused on that healing, I think of V. a lot and he is with me in some ways when I meditate. Then I feel sad because I miss him and I feel I am betraying the two guys. My current bf knows about this past life thing and he is very supportive of me 'cos he understands but I cannot tell him too much of the intensity of the feelings I have for V.
Sometimes it feels like the pain is never going to go away.
I would be very happy to have your views on this strange journey of mine. So far I am just following my intuition of what seems very right inside.
Thank you for reading
Caro

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61069 - 03/31/06 12:03 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro
many people pour scorn on what you describe, but although I'm not a believer in your kind of experience, I don't deny your beliefs and feelings.
If you believe, then take strength and comfort from your beliefs. I hope that they make your life more complete.
Perhaps, one day, I will experience what you are now? who knows eh?

Ireland is a magical place, and there is something mystical about the place, I'm sure of that.
We might be over there in county Kerry in the next few months as Ryan Air are giving flights away, you just pay the taxes, and that's an offer not to be missed.

Take care
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#61070 - 03/31/06 08:05 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear Lloydy

I was never before that experience a "believer" , actually I had not a fixed point of view on that kind of stories. My journey started more or less with that experience and the way I felt inside and it has nothing to do with the fact that Ireland is a mystical place ;\)
I have been in a lot of high historical/mystical places before (hey I am an historian in the first place !) and nothing of the kind happened.
And this "belief" as you call it brings more pain and questions than comfort and security. It is a journey in the heart of oneself to discover who we truly are and the power of love (in all its dimensions). It has also made me question my love for V and the grounds it is standing on.
It is an amazing journey but definately not an easy one.
\:D

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61071 - 03/31/06 08:07 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Hey Llyody, I have just seen your new title !
Congratulations on the Emeritus ! ;\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61072 - 03/31/06 05:09 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro
Thanks, I'm proud of it as well.

I agree that what you are experiencing is a spiritual thing.
And that's something I believe a lot of us go through after recovering ( as best we can ) from trauma.

I know that I feel 'differently' about other people now, I have regard for their influences, however small, on my life.
And that's because I have regard for my life, and I have a desire to show that self regard to the people I meet.

That's a very different feeling to the one I grew up with, until middle age I guess.
And it's hard to describe or quantify, but it a good feeling.

Enjoy it, even if it isn't always an easy one, who said life was easy anyway?

Take care
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#61073 - 04/01/06 08:42 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Caro and Dave,

I have followed your exchange here and have learned so much from it. It has helped me to think about some things happening in my own life.

Dave, I too feel that as I recover I am becoming someone very different from the person I was for years and years. I LIKE the person I am becoming, but it feels strange in an oddly exhilerating way. I feel very challenged but confident I can do this.

What gives this a kind of spiritual dimension for me is that I feel that I am rediscovering the "me" that was there all along. I'm not sure what to do with that idea, but it sure is a powerful feeling.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#61074 - 04/02/06 12:42 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear Larry and Lloydy

A few months ago I was given the phone number of a guy who works on past lives. I had an amazing conversation with him.
He basically told me that this life in Ireland had not been integrated as it should have and also said that acceptation is the key. In fact, regrets or forgiveness are pointless since this life is gone and what was done was done. He also told me that in that spiritual journey, the thing I have to work on is answering the question:
"Who Am I ?"
I still haven't found out but I am working on it ! \:D If you have any suggestions that can help ? ;\)
Love and hugs to you both \:\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61075 - 04/02/06 09:14 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Caro,

I am really bad at talking about spiritual things, so I don't know how this will come out.

One thing I am learning is that it is okay to trust what I believe. What I mean is that so many times I feel that I don't just KNOW things about myself anymore, I really do believe them - or at least I think I do. I BELIEVE that I was just an innocent kid, that it wasn't my fault, and so on. But what I still lack is a confidence in these beliefs. I get that feeling I used to get when the weatherman would say it's okay to go out on the lake because the ice is so thick, but I would stand there on the ice waiting to fall through any second. So it looks like building up this confidence and trust just means more work. Okay, but it seems to be work of a different kind.

The other thing is that I am learning that it's okay to feel good about being me - or becoming me? I'm not sure which it is. All I know is that as I shed all the crap I thought about myself I feel like some fresh new person, or maybe like the person I always could have been - but wasn't. I wonder if this is again a trust issue. I am taking steps without knowing where they are going, and it is a big effort to trust myself again.

Does any of this make sense?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#61076 - 04/02/06 10:58 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro
all I can say to answer your question is that my percepton of you is a very positive one, I admire the attitudes you have and the committment you put into helping yourself and others, despite the problems life has thrown at you.

So it's no surprise to me that you feel some kind of spiritual re-awakening, or like Larry said "I feel like some fresh new person, or maybe like the person I always could have been - but wasn't."

I also feel like the new person, but I often wonder if that's actually because the 'real me' is finally breaking through?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#61077 - 04/03/06 11:47 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Hey Dave !
I found out today that I am going to be able to attend Healing the Healers 3 run by Mike Lew and the Male Survivors Swindon next summer. I hope will have a chance to catch you there or in London !

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61078 - 04/04/06 12:13 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
let me know the dates Caro.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#61079 - 04/04/06 03:16 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
17th-20th July
I will be in London from the previous Saturday and will spend the rest of the week from the 20th in London.
It would be so fantastic to meet you \:D

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61080 - 04/04/06 03:33 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Caro,

I believe our minds are eternal, and that we have lived in many lives, some as maybe as a rich person who was greedy and never cared for anyone excpting theirs.

I suppose a barbarian along the way, but our spirituality grows through understanding it closely.

What would a female be doing in a monastery?
Were you a male at the time!
Who knows the answer?

I am being terse in my reply, I cannot type so good, but I love the subject,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#61081 - 04/04/06 05:56 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear Ste
I was a man in that life, a monk copying manu>
_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61082 - 04/04/06 07:01 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Caro,

firstly my fathers side of the family is from Galway Ireland.
North Wales is always spooky to me, but South Wales is not.

My mothers side once owned most of Cumbria in the far past, so they must have had a lot of influence maybe as barbarians.

I know that I have been a woman in the past, and also somebody who was very rich, the other side is that I was also very poor.
I know that I was killed, maybe on more than one occasion.

True love comes from compassion and the will to forgive, but sometimes we forgive when we should not.

I spend time when I can in silent meadows watching the game birds after their prey.
I do not believe in hunting, as the hunters become
their prey sometime in the future.

I get a feeling of emptiness about all those who are suffering while the rich lavish themselves, so surely they must come back as the ones they enslave through their behaviour.

I was walking my dog this morning and there was a film crew there, and I was talking with a group of people who recognised the director of "Coast",
a top BBC documentary.

The mother said to her little boy, go and ask him for his autograph, they boy was embarrassed to do it, I said to him that the guy would love that, and it will give you confidence.

Eventually he did, when his father walked in front, and the little boy was so amazed to have his photo taken with this guy, and he really was so cool.

I have to wait until september for the series to go on air, but it made my day.

I know it is off-topic, but just wanted to share,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#61083 - 04/04/06 07:04 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
BTW!

If it is true, then I hope Bush can come back as an amoeba and lands in somebodys toilet, so he can have "bombs" dropped on him.

A few others too!

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#61084 - 04/04/06 07:58 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
\:D ;\)
Love that about Bush but please ask God to forgive this moment of meaness 'cos remember we have to learn compassion. ;\)
The poor guy (ie:Bush) he is not yet even close to the end of reincarnation and true awakening of the soul. So a few hard lives are waiting upon him so he can learn the true message of God (in whatever forms He takes) which is love and respect.
I think he should be a French amibae then for all the horrible things he said about the French \:D

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61085 - 04/04/06 09:45 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Guess I am the cheeky little rascal, I always was that! \:\)
Hey, at least the french stick up for themselves, hey, thats so cool.

Remember freedom fries???

I think you call them frits!

I went through paris one day, and totally lost the autoroute, so I thought, if my map is right, and this road is straight as it looks, I am OK to find the roads to the south.

I wrote down all the villages that I may go through, and hey, they all fell into place, so I got back on track, no retour for me.

I love the way I see the french ppl hugging their work friends, but it gave me a shudder, but then I thought, this is what we really miss in life, the basic ability to hug and care about those we work with.

I loved being in france, but unfortunately I was working.
I had a real bad french teacher at school, I learned more just being with french ppl.

I guess it is hard to understand the male/female meaning of words, just as some german language dictates, but I suppose english is harder still,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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