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#61065 - 03/30/06 06:05 PM News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear all
I haven't posted in a long time 'cos I am so busy and hardly coping with studies, day job, internships and projects with survivors.
I have also been in a phase of moving on. I have been dating someone but the relationship is slowly growing so I am learning to deal with triggers and self sabotage as it comes along.
Some of you may know that I have been on a spiritual journey of an extraordinary intensity. God has planned this amazing journey which has started 3 years ago.
There is nothing new really from V. I have not heard from him though I can regularly feel his presence. As part of my spiritual journey I have come to discover a place where I lived in a past life. I know some of you will have doubts about that kind of experience. For me, getting to a place I have never been in my life and recognizing everything there was a massive shock. My body was shaking and I started to cry. This place is an old monastery on an island in Ireland. Since then, I have been on a journey of discovering, understanding and integrating what happened there.
Sorry I have to go will post the rest later today !
;\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61066 - 03/30/06 07:46 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Caro,

I'm glad things are going well for you! \:\)

ROCK ON.....Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#61067 - 03/30/06 09:25 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Caro,

It's good to hear from you and to find that things are going so well for you. The location sounds so beautiful, and I bet it is inspiring in so many ways.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#61068 - 03/30/06 09:38 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
So here I am back at the computer.
Doing all that searching, I found out that dramatic events took place for me there at that monastery and that's why the memory of it was so strong. V, my love then and now murdered me in that past life (push me off the cliff). Yes that is not a nice thing to do ! So you can imagine the impact of that discovery which also helped me understand the dynamic of fear, anger and guilt that was a constant component of our relationship.
For some of you that might seem totally crazy but apparently true love through out different lives and the journey of the souls is being tested. So I am going back to the monastery on the Aran Islands and I am hoping to do what Native Americans called a vision quest, spending the night in the ruins to meditate and bring true light and love unto both our souls and heal ourselves.
V has no idea I have undertaken this journey and I don't think he is ready to understand all this though on a soul level he knows I am doing the healing (and that's how I understand that after 1 year of silence I bumped into him the day before I was leaving for the pilgrim trek of Compostella last summer).
I guess with all this I want to ask if any of you have experienced a similar discovery.
Also my pain is that right now I am developping a new relationship which I know is not LOVE, it is a caring, loving and very peaceful relationship but not love as in soul mate. Because I am preparing my vision quest and I am very much focused on that healing, I think of V. a lot and he is with me in some ways when I meditate. Then I feel sad because I miss him and I feel I am betraying the two guys. My current bf knows about this past life thing and he is very supportive of me 'cos he understands but I cannot tell him too much of the intensity of the feelings I have for V.
Sometimes it feels like the pain is never going to go away.
I would be very happy to have your views on this strange journey of mine. So far I am just following my intuition of what seems very right inside.
Thank you for reading
Caro

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61069 - 03/31/06 12:03 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro
many people pour scorn on what you describe, but although I'm not a believer in your kind of experience, I don't deny your beliefs and feelings.
If you believe, then take strength and comfort from your beliefs. I hope that they make your life more complete.
Perhaps, one day, I will experience what you are now? who knows eh?

Ireland is a magical place, and there is something mystical about the place, I'm sure of that.
We might be over there in county Kerry in the next few months as Ryan Air are giving flights away, you just pay the taxes, and that's an offer not to be missed.

Take care
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#61070 - 03/31/06 08:05 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear Lloydy

I was never before that experience a "believer" , actually I had not a fixed point of view on that kind of stories. My journey started more or less with that experience and the way I felt inside and it has nothing to do with the fact that Ireland is a mystical place ;\)
I have been in a lot of high historical/mystical places before (hey I am an historian in the first place !) and nothing of the kind happened.
And this "belief" as you call it brings more pain and questions than comfort and security. It is a journey in the heart of oneself to discover who we truly are and the power of love (in all its dimensions). It has also made me question my love for V and the grounds it is standing on.
It is an amazing journey but definately not an easy one.
\:D

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61071 - 03/31/06 08:07 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Hey Llyody, I have just seen your new title !
Congratulations on the Emeritus ! ;\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#61072 - 03/31/06 05:09 PM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro
Thanks, I'm proud of it as well.

I agree that what you are experiencing is a spiritual thing.
And that's something I believe a lot of us go through after recovering ( as best we can ) from trauma.

I know that I feel 'differently' about other people now, I have regard for their influences, however small, on my life.
And that's because I have regard for my life, and I have a desire to show that self regard to the people I meet.

That's a very different feeling to the one I grew up with, until middle age I guess.
And it's hard to describe or quantify, but it a good feeling.

Enjoy it, even if it isn't always an easy one, who said life was easy anyway?

Take care
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#61073 - 04/01/06 08:42 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Caro and Dave,

I have followed your exchange here and have learned so much from it. It has helped me to think about some things happening in my own life.

Dave, I too feel that as I recover I am becoming someone very different from the person I was for years and years. I LIKE the person I am becoming, but it feels strange in an oddly exhilerating way. I feel very challenged but confident I can do this.

What gives this a kind of spiritual dimension for me is that I feel that I am rediscovering the "me" that was there all along. I'm not sure what to do with that idea, but it sure is a powerful feeling.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#61074 - 04/02/06 12:42 AM Re: News but kind of hard to explain
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Dear Larry and Lloydy

A few months ago I was given the phone number of a guy who works on past lives. I had an amazing conversation with him.
He basically told me that this life in Ireland had not been integrated as it should have and also said that acceptation is the key. In fact, regrets or forgiveness are pointless since this life is gone and what was done was done. He also told me that in that spiritual journey, the thing I have to work on is answering the question:
"Who Am I ?"
I still haven't found out but I am working on it ! \:D If you have any suggestions that can help ? ;\)
Love and hugs to you both \:\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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