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#60978 - 10/16/00 03:28 PM lots of questions
tiffany Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 6
Loc: saskatoon,sk,canada
my boyfriend of two years just disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused by a female babysitter and his grandmother several times. i know he is going to get through this and is a wonderful man, but he has so many questions and doesn't know where to start. he is afraid to attempt the internet because of all the possible garbage that he could stumble on. i am going to intercept for him until he is stronger. does anyone have any good websites or books for boys abused by women? he is especially concerned because he became erect while he was touched by them and now feels that he is deviant in some way. i am trying to tell him that he was only eight and that it is not uncommon for victims to express some sort of stimulation. ( i have read that women rape victims will lubricate...) please, if you can, direct us where to go where he will be safe. he needs to be safe finally. he deserves it.


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#60979 - 10/26/00 05:56 PM Re: lots of questions
Shelatowie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 11
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
Tiffany,
I Honestly understand your boyfriends concernes and inhibitions, we (males) are raised in a society where saying's like -- you can't rape the willing-- etc... are common place and there are attitudes that would keep most men from feeling free enough to speak of thier trauma's. Most men are told over and over again that we should feel lucky to have been introduced to sexuality at a young age. Plainly and Factually when an adult is sexual with a child it is a Trauma for the unfortunate child regardless of the child's gender. The occurence of incest by his grandmother makes matters much worse for him. One book that i highly recommend would be * Victims-No-Longer* By Mike Lew. This is a book for men dealing with issues of sexual abuse and Incest. I found it helpfull to me.
On the topic of sexual stimulation or unwanted erections, physical responces etc.... He Was A Child, Yes children can be stimuated and the erection that occured is completely normal. The erection would happen whether or not he wanted it too. In Other words just because he had an erection does NOT mean he enjoyed it. His body did as it was designed to. Sexual stimulation causes the erection -- not his mind. Shouled he wish to discuss Body Betrayal , PLEASE let him know that I am here and THAT HE IS NOT ALONE.

Good Luck and encourage him to study up on the topic, this may help him dispel some of the shame and self blame associated with having been abused.


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#60980 - 10/26/00 05:59 PM Re: lots of questions
Shelatowie Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 11
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
Tiffany,
I Honestly understand your boyfriends concernes and inhibitions, we (males) are raised in a society where saying's like -- you can't rape the willing-- etc... are common place and there are attitudes that would keep most men from feeling free enough to speak of thier trauma's. Most men are told over and over again that we should feel lucky to have been introduced to sexuality at a young age. Plainly and Factually when an adult is sexual with a child it is a Trauma for the unfortunate child regardless of the child's gender. The occurence of incest by his grandmother makes matters much worse for him. One book that i highly recommend would be * Victims-No-Longer* By Mike Lew. This is a book for men dealing with issues of sexual abuse and Incest. I found it helpfull to me.
On the topic of sexual stimulation or unwanted erections, physical responces etc.... He Was A Child, Yes children can be stimuated and the erection that occured is completely normal. The erection would happen whether or not he wanted it too. In Other words just because he had an erection does NOT mean he enjoyed it. His body did as it was designed to. Sexual stimulation causes the erection -- not his mind. Shouled he wish to discuss Body Betrayal , PLEASE let him know that I am here and THAT HE IS NOT ALONE.

Good Luck and encourage him to study up on the topic, this may help him dispel some of the shame and self blame associated with having been abused.


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