Newest Members
BusterJones, Desperateforhelp, aniceguy, Green_Lantern, Safe11ride
12121 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
corvairman1 (43), marianne (44), son (35), speedy (31)
Who's Online
3 registered (3 invisible), 58 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12121 Members
73 Forums
62521 Topics
438141 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 4 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >
Topic Options
#60962 - 11/10/00 08:01 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
I hope you have a good weekend Marsha.

We are coping the best we can, it is rough and we are both mentally and physically exhausted. Only time can help us now. I am trying to settle in but it is hard to be away from home and I miss my husband. He is hurting too and I want to rescue and comfort him but the bad memories get in the way. The hurt just won't let me be the person I want to. I have decided to take some medication for depression, it has been 3 months now and I am not doing any better, I hope it works fast so I can feel somewhat human again.

Thank you for being my friend.


Top
#60963 - 11/13/00 02:07 PM Re: Help
MARSHA Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 24
TINK, I'M SO SORRY HOW TOUGH IT IS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. HAVE YOU EVER SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION BEFORE? IT MUST MAKE YOUR SITUATION SEEM JUST THAT MUST DESPERATE. I DO THINK THAT YOU ARE RIGHT, TIME IS YOUR NEW ALLI NOW. I HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT.

I ACTUALLY HAD A VERY DIFFICULT TIME THIS WEEK END. I TOOK THE CHILDREN UP TO HIS PARENTS' HOUSE TO VISIT, AND WE HAD A FRIEND'S WEDDING ON SUNDAY. HIS MOM AND I WENT TO A CRAFT SHOW ON SATURDAY, WHEN WE WENT IN, SHE VERY SUDDENLY JERKED ME AWAY FROM A TABLE AND TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS TRYING TO AVOID SOMEONE. I DIDN'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS, AND MOVED ON. LATER WE SEPARATED TO SHOP ALONE. I HAD TO GO BACK TO THAT ROOM, FORGETTING WHAT HAD HAPPENED WHEN WE FIRST GOT THERE. AS I WAS GOING AROUND, I WAS READING THE DIFFERENT BOOTH'S, THE COMPANY NAMES, AND I SAW THE COMPANY THAT MY HUSBAND WORKED FOR WHEN HE WAS ABUSED. IT IS A FARM AND THEY WERE THERE SELLING PIES AND JAM. IT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE, BUT THEY ARE A VERY POWERFUL FAMILY IN THIS TOWN, BECAUSE THEY OWN SO MUCH LAND AND RETAIL OUTLETS IN THE TOWN. AS I WAS GETTING DISGUSTED WITH THE FACT THEY WERE ALL OVER THE TOWN, I READ THE SELLERS NAMETAG AND IT WAS HIM! I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! I WAS SHELLSHOCKED. I STARTED TO SWEAT AND MY KNEES WERE BUCKLING. I THOUGHT MY HEART WAS GOING TO POUND OUT OF MY CHEST. (OBVIOUSLY, I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.) I STEPPPED OUTSIDE TRYING TO GATHER MYSELF, WHEN I DID, I WENT BACK TO HIS STATION AND GOT ON LINE, WHERE CUSTOMERS WERE PAYING. I DID NOT KNOW WHY, WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, OR SAY. ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS "GET ANY UNSIGNED MAIL LATELY?" TRUELY, I WANTED TO PHYSICALLY ATTACK HIM. I THEN NOTICED MY HUSBAND'S MOM COMING AROUND THE CORNER AND GOT OUT OF LINE. AS I WAS LEAVING, I NOTICED A TEEN-AGED BOY MANNING THE STATION WITH HIM. I ALMOST LOST IT, THINKING ABOUT WHAT THIS MONSTER WAS DOING TO THIS BOY. I JUST WANTED TO GRAB HIM AND SAY, RUN! I WILL GO WITH YOU TO THE POLICE STATION. GET OUT OF HERE, BUT I DIDN'T.

WHAT ALSO MADE IT SO BAD WAS, ONCE AGAIN, HIS MOTHER'S REACTION! HOW COULD SHE ACT LIKE THIS IS NO BIG DEAL. HOW COULD SHE STAY AND SHOP! IT BRINGS BACK SO MANY HARSH FEELINGS THAT I HAVE TOWARD HIS PARENTS AND HOW THEY HANDLED THIS WHOLE SITUATION 16 YEARS AGO. IT INFURIATES ME.

NOW I HAVE ALL OF THIS TURMOIL IN MY HEART. I CANNOT TELL MY HUSBAND WHO I SAW, I'M AFRAID OF WHAT HE WOULD DO. I COULD SEE THIS DESTROYING HIM KNOWING THAT THIS PSYCHO WAS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME. THANK GOD I DECIDED NOT TO TAKE MY CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY MY SON. I ALSO DON'T WANT HIM HURT, AGAIN, BY HIS MOTHER'S ACTIONS.

I'M SORRY TO GO ON AND ON, FRANKLY I WAS DESPERATE FOR A COMPUTER TO CONTACT YOU WHEN ALL OF THIS HAPPENED.

THANKS FOR LISTENING!
MARSHA


Top
#60964 - 11/14/00 07:51 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
How horrible for you Marsha, it must have made you just sick to see that beast. Thank God you husband didn't go too, it could have been a real set back for him. I wish there was something, 1 simple thing that could be done to even the score for your family but we both know that is impossible. What has been taken cannot be replaced and the pain felt by your family can never be redirected to that monster. It will probably take some time for you to get past seeing him and especially dealing with your mother in-law's reaction. Do you think your mother in-law will mention it to your husband? Sorry I could not be there right when you needed me Marsha. I will open a hotmail account so we can exchange personal e-mail if you want, no one else will see it. That way I can just close it after and I don't care who has the hotmail address. Let me know if that is too close for you.

I wasn't online over the weekend as I started taking an anti depressant and had a horrible reaction to it. I ended up in the hospital and my husband kept me very close to him. I feel like a child and I think he feels sorry for me, makes me feel more pathetic than loved. Still lost but I will find my way. I had an apartment of my own lined up but my husband spent all of our money at the casino and I am too broke now to pay first and last, just can't win.


Top
#60965 - 11/15/00 12:38 PM Re: Help
MARSHA Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 24
OH MY GOSH, TINKER! ALL YOU WANT IS A BIT OF PEACE AND YOU CANNOT SEEM TO GET IT. ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? ARE YOU ABLE TO TAKE ANYTHING ELSE TO HELP YOU? ARE YOU STILL LIVING WITH YOUR FRIEND? DOES YOUR HUSBAND REALIZE WHAT HIS GAMBLING SPREE HAS DONE TO YOU? WHEN WILL HE STOP HURTING YOU! I'M SO SORRY.

I WISH I COULD HELP YOU MORE THAN JUST WRITING TO YOU. I HOPE THAT IT DOES HELP YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT SOURCE OF COMFORT FOR ME. YOU HAVE LITERALLY BEEN MY COMFORT ZONE FOR ME TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF AND TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN MY SITUATION. PLEASE REMEMBER THE SAME IT TRUE FOR YOU. NOT ONLY DO MANY OTHER WOMEN, NOT JUST US, FEEL FOR YOU, BUT GOD IS WITH YOU AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE DOES HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU AND YOUR LIFE. IT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY GETTING THERE. JUST THE FACT THAT GOD PUT US TOGETHER TO HELP EACH OF US THROUGH OUR SITUATIONS IS SO IMPORTANT.

HANG IN THERE, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, HOPEFULLY SOON!
MARSHA


Top
#60966 - 11/16/00 08:00 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi Marsha,
I am feeling a bit better physically. Just have to let time heal my heart. I will keep checking for your messages if you need someone to talk to or just to listen to your thoughts.
Tink


Top
#60967 - 11/22/00 06:48 AM Re: Help
MARSHA Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 24
TINK,
SORRY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A WHILE. IT HAS BEEN A CRAZY WEEK. HOW ARE YOU FEELING. I'M SURE THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE GOING TO BE HARD FOR YOU. WILL YOU BE WITH YOUR FAMILY? I HOPE THEY ARE SUPPORTING YOU.

IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS WEEK I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE. I WAS AT THE BUS STOP WITH MY CHILDREN. THE BUS PULLED UP AND THEY GOT ON THE BUS. I WALKED OVER TO THE BUS TO CHAT WITH THE DRIVER AND IT WAS MY HUSBAND'S ABUSER BEHIND THE WHEEL, NOT THE KIDS' DRIVER. THE BUS PULLED AWAY AND I WOKE UP SHAKING.

I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANNOT TALK TO MY HUSBAND ABOUT THIS. I FEEL LIKE I'M KEEPING SECRETS.

HAVE A HAPPY TURKEY DAY. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP.

MARSHA


Top
#60968 - 11/22/00 07:19 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi Marsha,
No turkey here being a Canadian and all but I hope you have a nice holiday. As for Christmas .... don't know how to handle that one. We discussed divorce last night and we are both quite upset today. I know I can't live with what he has done, or forgive him again but I panic and change my mind every time it comes to a final decision. I just wish this would all go away. I am now getting pressure from family and the therapist to leave or make a final decision to stay.

I really hope your life is better than this right now. Are you sure you can't discuss what is happening with your husband? Perhaps you could go to his therapy session with him and bring it to the light of day. You need EACH OTHER to get through this and it is not the secrets that cause a problem, it's feelings tied to them. He is obviously a strong man to have made it this far so he could have strength for you too.

[This message has been edited by tinker (edited 11-22-2000).]


Top
#60969 - 11/26/00 08:29 AM Re: Help
MARSHA Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 24
YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE RIGHT. I DO THINK THAT I SHOULD TELL MY HUSBAND. I FEEL LIKE I AM BUILDING UP MY WALL AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME TO PROTECT HIM, INSTEAD OF MYSELF. MAYBE I WILL GO TO THERAPY WITH HIM. THANKS.

DON'T FEEL PRESSURE FROM ANYONE TO MAKE A FINAL DECISION UNTIL YOU ARE READY, BUT, IF YOU ARE READY, DON'T LET YOUR HUSBAND CHANGE YOUR MIND. IF YOU NEED MORE TIME, TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. RIGHT NOW YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF, AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IS BEST.

HANG IN THERE!
MARSHA


Top
#60970 - 11/27/00 06:38 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Please let me know how the session goes Marsha, I will be thinking of you both.
Love Tink


Top
#60971 - 12/01/00 07:21 AM Re: Help
tinker Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 32
Hi Marsha,
I wanted to touch base with you and see how things are going. Have you gone to a session with your husband yet? Are you still feeling quite strong? I know this time of year can be difficult for some people so I hope it is a peaceful time for your family.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Love and a big hug,
Tink


Top
Page 4 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.