Hello. I joined here several weeks ago, but had not posted yet. My boyfriend comes here, and another friend comes here. I don't want my presence to be at all uncomfortable for either of them. I don't get online often for the purpose of anything but work, so I doubt I would be here too much. I think we can respect each other enough to avoid reading the other's posts.
My boyfriend and I, we've known each other for about 7 years now. We've been friends, we've been roommates (as friends), now we're in a more romantic style of relationship. We haven't been more intimate than holding each other and kissing. I know that he has his boundary needs, and respect that. I would never push him in any way. Just as I know he wouldn't push me.
He is in a "down" mode recently, after doing quite well. He's been working on these issues for about a year now, but only has been in serious therapy for about 5 or 6 months total. I know to expect ups and downs, and it's ok, it's all part of this stuff.
I am fortunate, I have never experienced any abuse. So, this has been a learning experience for me, in helping him with his panic and flashbacks, his DID, his depression. I don't regret any of the helping him through this, because he's helped me through some rough patches in my life also.
But I despise these people. I feel so much hatred and disgust about what "people" can do to other people, to children for crying out loud. I don't understand it, I don't WANT to understand it.
What I want is to understand myself more in this. Because as much as I love that he trusts me to help him, it does take a lot out of me as well. I'm NOT complaining, please don't think that. And I am not making it "about me" at all. I am just wondering, how do you do it? How do you remain positive and strong in support? That's what I want to be, for him and for my other friend. Because I CAN be the strong one. I was not the one abused, and I thank God for that. So it is on me to stay strong and be able to be what he needs.
For male survivors, what is it you need? And for other significant others, how do you meet their needs without losing yourself?
I really don't have a whole lot, as far as a "support system" in the real world on this. My friends are mostly my age (almost 21), and frankly, a lot of them are a little, um, "shallow" when it comes to serious relationships!
I tried talking to one friend from work about some general issues, and her advice was "Dump him and get a 'real man'". Needless to say, I keep my distance from her now. I'm not close to my family really, although they know him (and probably like him better than me!)
I HAVE a real man. I love this real man. And I want to make everything as good for him as possible.
Thanks for any advice, I appreciate it. And thanks to Male Survivor, in general, for being here for him, and me.
Edited because: I forgot to say, he's aware that I came here, he is the one who suggested it to me. I just didn't want to come across as a snoop or something!