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#60123 - 02/09/06 08:57 PM No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
BlueBoys_Mama Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/01/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Winnipeg
the time has come I got the info yesterday that my divorce will most likely go through uncontested. I've been waiting untold months for this though compliactions and lawyer blocking tecneques . they have finaly filed it all for me there is the slim chance that it will be over turned but its looking good for me.

Heres the problem they told me they might try to get my ex ( my sons molester) to come in to get his personal info for child support ( which i'm not interested in as right after I am remarried Andy wants to adopt Blue. Its looking like that will be a fight but I'm not sure. but back to the point ....I dont want to see my ex and the more i think about it the less ok I am . this new was sposed to make things better but all i've been is sick since yesterday. I can't eat i've barely slept and i keep getting violently Ill ....when i did sleep I had nightmares this morning i woke up and vomited on myself. I thought i was ok before this i thought i could handle it.

i'm sorry i'm ranting and probly given out more info than anyone really needs to know about me but i feel so stuck and theres no one to talk to right now i have 11 day until the court date and i'm so scared . He'll never be punished for what he did to Blue or to me . all i want is to really get away from him

Blue needs to not be around him and me and Andy have to fight for that but I'm not feeling strong enough right now. Every ones saying why not give him supervies visits but that would just be the easy way out. I can't let that happen to Blue

***

Imagen being in a room with your Perp once or twice a week or even once a month forced to by law stay there and being helpless to do anything ...even if he cant hurt you physicly

*** EnD***


It would change my beautful little boy it would bring back the nightmares ( Blue had night terrors screaming in his sleep ect)
I can't make him do that
I have to fight

I'm sorry i've gone on way to long

Mama


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#60124 - 02/09/06 09:07 PM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Mama,

I don't think anyone was saying to volunteer any visitation, but if the court forced it on you, then you needed to insist on supervised. If you can keep Blue away from him and safe, that's definately the better option.

ROCK ON......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#60125 - 02/10/06 04:48 AM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
I don't understand, if your husband wants to adopt your son and you are saying that you don't want child support, do they have to make you go after it anyway? I mean, I believe you that that's how it is, but it seems like there have to be other people out there who would rather give up the money than compromise their safety when it comes to an abusive ex.

I hope you weren't feeling attacked by the suggestions here about supervised visits. I feel the way Trish does-- don't GIVE him anything, but know that if the court does decide to grant him visitation, that is something else you can fight for.

You say you thought you could handle it-- NO ONE should have to handle any of this. Why should you be okay? The situation you are in is not OK, it's terrible. Please, give yourself some permission to be Not Okay. I know how hard it is when you are trying to take care of a little one at the same time-- but what can you do to take care of yourself right now?

SAR


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#60126 - 02/10/06 11:21 AM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mama,

Just to return again to visitation. I find it extremely strange that social services officials don't want to talk to Blue about what happened to him. If they do that, the results ought to be decisive in any decision on visitation, for exactly the reasons you give.

My heart goes out to you and your son. I hope all this works out for you both in the end.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#60127 - 02/10/06 06:07 PM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
BlueBoys_Mama Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/01/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Winnipeg
Hi guys
first it wasent any suggestions on here that got me upset I know that you were all speaking from a legal stand point of if i had to give him visitations. Its my so called "friends" ( I really need new friends ) almost all of them new little secrets about my Ex that no one ever told me until after we broke up ( like a crack habit and his sleeping around) They pretend to be there for me but they dont really seem to care ( i confessed to a few of them what he was doing to me long before I did anything .I asked for help but no one did anything) there suggestions that i should just give in to visitations upsets me. they figure its whats right for me to do.

and second ( road runner) I called and talked social sevices many times. I discussed with a conceller on what I should do but only over the phone they wouldent make and apointment for me to come in. Then my Ex's mom called social services on me claiming I was a bad mother and not talking care of Blue Once again just a call dispite my offer to have them at my home to see that I was a good mother and that it was blues father that was the problem and they could talk to Blue about that ..but they just took my word for it. I had also called the day after we seperated to talk to them I was assigned a case worker whom I never met ( he came to my house once but no one was home) we talked over the phone many times and i explained everything that had gone on he was also working on the " unknown callers" aligations
this unknown dident really help my case because they tacted on with all the true stuff that my ex had molested a cabage patch doll. so I'm not sure anything they said was taken to seriosly...But they Called my Ex up and asked if anything said was true and he said no so they closed the case as Inconclusive. But "there going to keep an eye" on him well actuly after they said that they told me if blue ever goes to visit to check him for marks or signs of abuse and talk to him after every visit so basicly ...they said You keep and eye on him and call us if something else has happend to your child

I then took Blue to an Independent Play Therapist
who said that he shows many emotional signs of being abused but he's very bright and seems to be doing ok and that with allot of love and care that he should be fine and his negative behavior will lessen. If i felt the need from him to seek further help I could always bring him back again but they dident see the point as he's doing well now. I copy was sent to my docter and one should be sent to me for me to give to my lawyer but that hasent happend yet and i just called my lawyer and aparently they dident get a copy of the report eather and as a bonus Ex's lawyer called there office today to say that he's trying to get my court date set aside because now they have a reply from my Ex....>_< I have a headache ...

No ones there is listening to me I dont want child support and even if i did i dont remember then last time my Ex had a real job...ok well i have a bunch of calling around to do now i'll get back to you guys later

*hugz*
mama


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#60128 - 02/10/06 11:55 PM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mama,

It is so outrageous that you are being treated like this over the welfare of a child. Can I make a suggestion?

When you call, ask for the name of the person you are speaking to and then follow up the call with a letter summarizing what was said and what you need and why. Keep copies of all this of course.

Insensitive bureaucrats HATE it when they see there is a paper trail. They can be called on that later on, and you, on the other hand, have an exact record.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#60129 - 02/14/06 08:55 PM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
BlueBoys_Mama Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/01/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Winnipeg
here is the newest part of our story

* i think my head is going to explode*

and so the day after the court date was set my slimmy ex desided to file his anwser to the divorce. since default had already been noted they had to get my permission to file of they would have to take legal action to fight the default ( which would make all of this take just that much longer) and they threatend to sue me for costs incured in legal fees if I dident comply ( I'M a stay at home mom where do they think they will be getting this money from). my lawyers gone over it and the only thing there contesting is visitation and coustody of Blue. my laywer told them seeing as my ex has a criminal charge pending and the order of protection I have forbids my ex from seeing Blue or coming any where near where i am. that this matter will have to wait until after the legal charges are dealt with but ..NO they want me to discuses it with them now ...his lawyer has tried every tactic to get me to drop my order and he's trying to make me look bad for not doing it portraying me as so one who's just out for revenge and trying to be bitter. it's very annoying do they think i have this thing just out of spit I dident even ask for it the police insisted i have it for our safety because they thought my ex was dangorus. \

so now i have to go to a meeting with the lawyers and my ex. insted of court they want to beable to deal with this in meeting with a jugde in private. then if we can agree on everything they will let us get a divorce. we we're sposed to have one of these meeting back in november but then my ex droped off the face of the eather and dident show up again until now.... i'm guessing he's going to do this again this time its inraging that he can still screw up my life like this.

i'm going to go scream into a pillow for a while


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#60130 - 02/15/06 06:59 PM Re: No well ( divorce)*** possable triggers***
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mama,

Scream away - I think it does help to let out all this anger and frustration.

Legal proceedings are always tramatic I think, and in divorce cases where abuse of a child comes up, I can just guess. But if possible try to back away from the proceedings emotionally. You have to expect that the other side will do everything they can to make you look bad - it's their job to fight for your ex. That doesn't mean that anything they say is true or even remotely believable.

Look at it this way. The more they see you reacting the more they will use this tactic to wear you down.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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