Today I noticed the way I reacted with some co-workers. I was working for my girlfriend in the small office (she's office manager) and I get along pretty well with the 4-5 others who work there. But I realized something.
Since June I have been working for temp agencies due a lack of a regular job, and I've been all over for 1 or 2 day stints. Sometimes I think clearly in a workplace. Sometimes I am just not there. It's like I'm hiding under the covers while having to face real people on the outside. In the meantime, I'm becoming more aware of what and how I think in situations. Today I think I know why I was "on-task" and very productive. I'll not belabor this. (hopefully)
I like Mike Lew's writing about compartments. I did well today because I knew this piece of reality. I was lost in the beginning of the day, and I zipped through after that. But it wasn't a "getting it" thing. It's like I could hide behind paperwork, and I really did. I think I saw this when I started interacting with a few others. I felt like I have been so many other people in different situations, and I knew this one. But I fetl sooooo insecure and scared inside, while there was interaction, because the real me wanted a safe place. Like I wasn't including the me inside when I socialized.
I was encouraged when I saw this. I see me and accept me more, and I feel less and less like a freak. I just wanted you guys to know. Please....share your stories if you have one. I want to be in the chat room tonight. Frightened, sure. Would this be a good issue to bring up?