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#59948 - 05/27/04 05:50 PM Re: Help
lucentny Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/08/04
Posts: 20
Mike,

Thank you so much for replying to my post. You are absolutely right. He isn't feeling anything at the moment. Completely and totally emotionally dead. In his own words, "done."

I do understand that he needs to take a moment to sort things out, but I don't understand how/why he thinks it's good to throw me in the trash to spare he says further hurt b/c he knows he is totally incapable of being happy. He is so irrational and depressed, and at the same time is so resolute that he is right and what he is doing is for the best.

I mean, one minute he'll be laughing and the next he'll be sobbing....totally curled up sobbing....it's so, so, so, so, heartbreaking to see it. I just wish I could take all his hurt away and he could give it to me b/c I know I am stronger.

I'm not his girlfriend at the moment and all I can offer is my love and support if he wants it...which he has told me he clearly doesn't.

Why is he letting his EVIL Father win??? I kept asking him this and I said you are letting your dad not only destroy you, but destroy the one thing that you said made you the happiest you have ever been in your life: our relationship. Sigh.

I guess only time will tell how things will end up. He promised to come to the board and seek therapy, but I don't know for sure if he'll do either. I just hope and pray that he will get a very good therapist.


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#59949 - 05/27/04 06:48 PM Re: Help
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
I don't know how much you have read here on MS. There is a lot to learn.

He could actually stay in this state, in a functional manner, for years. I'm not saying that he is going to, but it is a possibility. What he really needs is to learn about PTSD, triggers, dissociation, and all kinds of things. He needs help. He needs support. He needs to know that he is not the only person that this happens to.

To some extent, he will also learn that his entire life is basically a lie. In one way or another, he has been dissociatiing throughout it. With CSA, many things, including love and trust, are twisted and distorted and intertwined with feelings of anger, pain, guilt, shame, and all kinds of other things. Until he starts to learn this, and fight against it, and get rid of it, he will have an extremely difficult time ever trying to learn or understand how things actually are supposed to be.

Right now, absolutely nothing makes much of any sense to him. It's all meaningless. It's all hopeless. He reached for what he thought would be an opportunity to confront this and face it head on and be done with it and free from it forever, and it failed. Unfortunately, even if he had succeeded, it still would have failed. This will never go away overnight. It takes hard work, determination, love, understanding, support, and all kinds of things, inclulding time.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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