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#599 - 08/05/01 09:42 AM My experience and request for advice
Anonymous
Unregistered


Greetings.
I just found this site last week. Seems to be in good timing.
I have a few questions for you all, but I think I first need to give you some background that perhaps will allow you all to give me some sound advice.
Here is my deal
From the age of 5 to 16 I was abused by my older male cousin. I spent the majority of my youth convinced that this was a normal thing and nothing that was going on was wrong. Only in the past 3 years have begun to realize the lasting damage I have suffered. About two years ago, while on a vacation to Florida, I realized that this cousin who was now living in Florida with his girdfriend and her son my abusing again.
After some major soul searching and hig anxiety I finally let my mother and other relatives know what had happened. For the first time in a very long time I was dealing with the abuse. I finally entered therapy and it's been a long road to to today.
After my sister and family found out they concentrated their effots on going after my abuser. They filed reports with Florida and Massachusetts authorities in hopes that an investigation could be started in to the possible abuse of this child he had access to.
My abuser's girlfriend in a panic took her son and ran. She called me shortly after and thanked me. My abuser in the one time I confronted him after the truth was out told me I was crazy and I deserved everything I had received.
However that was two years ago. My abuser moved home to Mass again and has since moved back in with his girlfriend and her son. Yesterday I found out that she has now given birth to a baby boy of which he is the father.
Yesterday was a difficult day. Not only did I find out that he is now a father, but that he proudly sent out birth announcements to all my relatives who had supported me during the coming out process. It's almost as if he wants to prove to them that I was liar and he was innocent of this crime.
I am unsure of what I can do. I'm thinking of trying to reinform social services in Massachusetts and Rhode Island, (where I think he lives right now) However I'm not sure what is the best way to tackle this.
I'm angry as hell that I will spend the large part of my life in therapy and unable to live a healthy life while he has the perfect little life.
So my question to you all is, what can I do. Is my window to press charges over? How can I prove that this was done to me? How can I make him suffer like I have? How do I even begin to find other victims? And how do I get this behind me?
Please provide guidance.
Thanks
Chris


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#600 - 08/05/01 12:49 PM Re: My experience and request for advice
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
one day at a time
slow down and breathe
take good care of youself
do not let the abuser win
by enjoying what you can
figure out what you can do to
locate and turn him in
I did this and the person lost
his job working with boys
even if they do not go to jail
the police know more about them
than they did before.

It is a start.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#601 - 08/05/01 01:51 PM Re: My experience and request for advice
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Hey chris,
This is some bad shit..getting this close to your abuser! You will have to let the cops have him first, then it's up to you.

Too close!
Eddie


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#602 - 08/05/01 02:32 PM Re: My experience and request for advice
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm not sure how I'm getting to close to him? Can you please explain.
Thanks


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#603 - 08/05/01 09:01 PM Re: My experience and request for advice
Anonymous
Unregistered


Chris,

I am a counsellor with the Rape Crisis Center in Worcester, MA. I guess that in order to answer your questions I have some that I need to ask you. If you are interested, my email address is posted in my profile. I would be happy to talk to you.

Peace,

Jim


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