Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
beginning (34), Gary H. (41), jewelmom (63), kdg2310 (55), Li Yuki (2014), monarchnaps (36), Neverquit (30), Nord (58), SoSad (45)
Who's Online
8 registered (Obi, 7 invisible), 35 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63787 Topics
445434 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#59648 - 05/09/04 08:09 AM Not good
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
I am reaching rock bottom these days. I don't know what to do. I am dealing with all sorts of emotions and old feelings are creeping in. I feel so dirty, so undeserving, so useless...
I can't even talk, I am staying away from people, I can't be bothered really. I have been experiencing these panick attacks which seem to be body memories. I miss V. and I am stuck not knowing what to do. I am scared to reach out to him, scared because the last time I tried he reacted so violentely. I love him and still I don't know if there is any hope anymore. I am losing confidence, I feel I have all these sexual problems unresolved so I understand V. would prefer someone more capable. I feel terrible. I am crying again. Sorry.

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

Top
#59649 - 05/09/04 10:06 AM Re: Not good
SeeingMe Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 60
Loc: USA
I am sorry you are having such a rough time of it. I wish there was something I could do to help. All I can do is tell you you are in my thoughts. And you are a good person. V's problems are his. I am sorry he cannot provide what you need. You are strong, you can get through this. Wishing you all the best.

_________________________
Seeing Me

Top
#59650 - 07/18/04 05:49 PM Re: Not good
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Caetel

sorry about the problems you face, I am a survivor and know it is hard for you this time, sounds like you love V so well, can you put up with the violence, no you should not, but love is full of emotions and feelings, only you know how far those feelings go.

If you feel you are in minefield with lead boots on, and I can help, let me know,

c'est la vie

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#59651 - 07/18/04 05:52 PM Re: Not good
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Quote:
Originally posted by reality2k4:
Caetel

sorry about the problems you face, I am a survivor and know it is hard for you this time, sounds like you love V so well, can you put up with the violence, no you should not, but love is full of emotions and feelings, only you know how far those feelings go.

If you feel you are in minefield with lead boots on, and I can help, let me know.

There is always hope if we know how to find it, finding it can be the most difficult, but listening definitely is one of the key words.

c'est la vie

ste


_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#59652 - 07/18/04 06:04 PM Re: Not good
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Love sometimes seems like such an abusive emotion. But what else can we do that is good in the world but love? It isn't much, but it is all I have to offer.

Love,

Aden


Top
#59653 - 07/19/04 05:06 PM Re: Not good
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Caro,

You know, you're not useless. You really aren't. Yes, things are so NOT very good right now, and this can blind you to all the good you've done, all the good that YOU are. I wish, oh Lord, do I wish that I could take the hurt away. But that can't be done, can it.

Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that people care. I hope you've read the posting here and taken them to heart. My dear friend, my sister, you've helped so many here. I know you've helped so many there, in France, in the "real world." You've helped ME when I've been at the bottom, so what kind of a person would I be if I didn't be there for you now?

A person can be measured by the lives they've touched. You cast your stone in the water and your ripples have reached, touched, affected many people beyond where the rock landed.

V, I hope, will see how much you love him and overcome the deep pit he's dug for himself to return your heart. Sometimes people don't. Most of the time, when they see their own worth, they feel worthy enough to return what they should have in the first place.

I don't want you to start feeling unworthy of that, because you are. I don't want you to fall into that dark place because you don't deserve it. None of us do.

Just know that I care. It's what I can offer, and I hope that helps.

PM me if you need to talk.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

Top
#59654 - 07/19/04 05:31 PM Re: Not good
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Hey Caro:

So sorry to hear you have fallen into "The Pit." As anyone here will tell you who has gone through it, sometimes you need to hit bottom & connect with those dark places inside yourself before you can bounce back up - it's like an animal shedding its skin in order to grow.

Hugs,

:J

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.