Well, I've notched up 4,000 posts here at MS since April 2002, and I've seen some wonderful things here since that day.
My own progress for one, this site has allowed me to talk with some truly supportive and understanding people about things that at one time were just horrible memories and thoughts inside my head.
I used it when I first came here as an addition to my therapy, and I would go each Wednesday night and tell Chris, my therapist, about the things I'd discussed here. And he understood that I got a lot from it and encouraged my participation here.
There are still some guys here who were here before me, and that shows that we do a good job here. Surviving is a long term thing and there's no shame in not 'getting over it' in record time.
In fact, I think that what we can do here is go above and beyond Surviving. With the kind of support and friendship we all get here we can find and sustain a lot of the tools that improve our lives way above what we initially dream of. We not only survive, we become better people through greater understanding of ourselves and others.
I looked back through the forum to find my first post, and it's in a topic asking what we would do if we met our abuser(s) face to face.
I had been 'lurking' here for a few days when I saw this topic, and although it was a while after I had seen my main perp the fear and memories brought back by seeing him had affected me so much I lived in fear of it happening again.
I also remember the fear of posting this reply.
But it was nothing compared to the fear of living the rest of my life in the grip of thse bastards.
So I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful support and understanding since I've been here.
You have made a difference, and I can't begin to express how grateful I am for that.
Thank's to you all.
Here's my first post, and the strange thing is I feel exactly the same today about this. http://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000731
posted April 17, 2002 06:15 PM
The same thing happened to me as well, and it was one of the major triggers in getting some help after 31 years of silence.
I was driving my Land Rover down a quiet, English market town main street when I saw the person who groomed me into 4 years of abuse at a crummy boarding school.
How I didn't drive up the sidewalk and mow the bastard down is one of life's mysteries. But I didn't get much further, I pulled into a gateway and broke down for a long time.
That was 3 years ago and my job still takes me into that town occasionally, and I wonder what my reaction would be now if I saw him. I'm having the therapy, I know most of what's going on in my head now, but am I any more rational or restrained. I'm not looking forward to finding out.