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#59348 - 04/26/04 09:56 AM Re: Letter I'd like to give my husband.
wifenneed Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 91
Loc: Michigan
Dave:

She "needs" shoes! Aha, a woman after my own heart! Thanks Dave for your post. I remember you mentioning this before, about being away from home to talk. We talked a lot Saturday night, and I was able to address some things in my letter. He just cannot talk about "it". Not what brings the moods on. Cannot tell me if he is having flashbacks, or what his thoughts are throughout the day, what he's thinking, what's happening for him, nothing. I did ask if April was a bad month for him, and he said yes it was, but when I asked further about anything else (perhaps spring break week, etc.), he cannot go on from there. Just cannot. And that's okay.

We were able to talk about how different we are, how I share eveything and that helps me cope, and he shares relatively nothing and that's his way of coping. I told him how I feel pretty useless when it comes to helping him through these times, and he says it's just the opposite, knowing "I'm there" and not going to leave or pressure him, that is his greatest help. it still feels like I do very little to help, but, oh well.

When I read the stories of other survivors here, and how some of you able to talk to your spouses/partners, or other family member or friend, and some of you say it is such a relief, that is what I wish for him, that he could be relieved of some of the baggage or thoughts, or something. But, for him he uses the analogy that some people cannot handle going over or reliving these old horrible things (war veterans, prisoners of war, PTSD), they lose control, and he feels that it is better not to dredge things up, as he would not be able to handle the emotions it would invoke.

So, my best for him is just being there, knowing that I love him and am there to talk if he wants to. So, we wait for the storm to pass, but another one is always lurking on the horizon.

Bye for now-
Kathy


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#59349 - 04/27/04 08:18 PM Re: Letter I'd like to give my husband.
MC22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/21/04
Posts: 13
Hi, my live-in boyfriend of 8 years, told me about his SA by his older sister about a year ago. We talked about it for a week and then he shut down and he doesn't want to talk about it again. It happened to him when he was 12. It has a big effect on him. In addition to him not talking about it, it has now effected our sex life, he is shutting me out. I think it is how he protects himself. But I continue to try.MC22


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