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#5920 - 04/15/03 11:01 AM At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
I have been desperatly looking for a group in the Nashville Tenn area that would allow a middle age male survivor of childhood sexual abuse participate. Extremly limited resources in the mid-Tn area, and have been unable to even find a suitable counselor who actually facilitates male sexual abuse let alone an outreach such as a therapy group that focuses on PTSD or sexual abuse, an AFFORDABLE workshop or etc. Reliable transportation is available and will consider traveling up to 100 mi or 2 hrs weekly, if necessary.
It is such a relief just to find this site, and I have already responded to the administrators here and have rec'd useful potential leads. I also intend to respond to posts of other members, as soon as I become more familiar with this site.
Thanx for any info; Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5921 - 04/15/03 11:09 AM Re: At my wits end....
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Tom, it is great you have found us. I am fairly new here as well but this place has already changed my life! It is so hard to find places geared towards male survivors of sexual abuse... even on the internet, where supposedly you can find anything. I am not ready to talk about the abuse in real life yet so I rely on internet groups. For the most part I was shunned from female-oriented groups, and the male-oriented ones I did find were very inactive... so it was great to find this place. I hope you will like it here. Come to the chatroom some time and meet the guys there! \:\)

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#5922 - 04/15/03 11:13 AM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
OK, I have a few minutes. How do I go to Chat?
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

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#5923 - 04/15/03 11:19 AM Re: At my wits end....
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Tom, go to http://www.malesurvivor.org and then look at the links on the very left. There should be one that says "chat room." Click on that. Then you have to register a name for the chatroom, and then you can log on and chat. \:\)

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5924 - 04/15/03 11:26 AM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Alright, I see the chat page, but I do not see how to log on.
Sorry to be such a dunce, it just takes me a little longer than some others!
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5925 - 04/15/03 11:30 AM Re: At my wits end....
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Ok, when you see the chat applet, click on the button in the chat that says "register." Register a name and password, and then go back to the chat and type the name and password in the name/password boxes and click login.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5926 - 04/15/03 11:41 AM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Well, I gave it my best try. I can see HOME, ABOUT US, NEWS and EVENTS, etc across the top and then a place lower on the page 'tell us' where you can contact the administrator if you are bothered. These are the only spots I can access, and for the life of me, I do not see any palce to register.
Sorry, I would like to chat. There are some member areas I can not access as well. I think because I am new, I must not have high enough clearance or something.
Thanx anyway; Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5927 - 04/15/03 12:04 PM Re: At my wits end....
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Here you go:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/chat%20room.htm

Scroll down on that page and you should see the register/login/etc buttons!

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5928 - 04/15/03 12:23 PM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
There is a large area blank on that page between top and bottom, and I simply cannot find any buttons etc to register/login etc. They just do not appear. I am told this computer does not Java support or something of that nature. There have been other things that would not appear for me in the past.
I need to run for now, but I look foward to writing in here to you again. Not many people willing to take time for me.Thanx for your efforts!!
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5929 - 04/15/03 12:28 PM Re: At my wits end....
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Ahh... ok. Yeah, you need Java enabled to be able to run the chat room. There is maybe an option somewhere in your internet config to enable Java but I don't know what type of computer or browser you are using so I can't be more specific.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5930 - 04/16/03 02:44 AM Re: At my wits end....
Aptrick Offline


Registered: 06/26/02
Posts: 62
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Tom,
In Nashville there is the Rape and Sexual Abuse Center. It's number is 615-259-9055. I, myself, am part of an all male sexual abuse survivor group there. The address is 25 lindsley Ave, Nashville, TN, 37210. It really has helped me. They are non profit and base the fees upon your income. Please, call today! The therapist are David and Eric they are really good!
AptRick


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#5931 - 04/16/03 01:47 PM Re: At my wits end....
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Tom
Welcome. I regret the reason you are here but can assure you that you are in the right place. I have never experienced a greater bunch of guys in my entire life. We are all here to help each other heal. We are a brotherhood and you are a part of that brother

So listen, read, post, help and heal with us
Aptrick gave you a good lead so follow it up.

Tell us about your progress as you advance in your healing cause it helps us all

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#5932 - 04/16/03 03:38 PM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Thanks very much for the lead Aptrick, but I was there until last November, when the female counselor I was assigned to asked me to leave. It's sad to say, but some people have enough agenda of their own that they don't need to be counseling someone else, but because no one else wants the job, they still are allowed in the position to do just that.
I was seen for 6 mo. by Eric Fogle, and he handed me off to this other counselor because he said his caseload was large enough with his speciality of kids.
I was fondled by a counselor who tried to engage in a sexual relationship with me when I was 17, and was patted on the ass about 5 years ago by a PhD level counselor who always wanted to hug me each time as I left. But I have never had to deal with such indiscriminate, demeaning, and overtly hostile behavior as I did during the last 5 months I was seen there. I went as far as obtaining and interviewing with an attorney, but backed down after I thought about how many girls were actually recieving some benefit there. And I know the intention is good with the 2 men you mention, despite the extremly limited amount of time and resources available put into the program. So I figured it was not worth upsetting anything that soemone else might be able obtain, simply because I was mistreated.
But the fact still remains. I was told by the female counselor that I was recieving more than I was entitled to, and that after all "Society likes me more because I am a male."
Just take a moment the next time you arrive there and look at their sign on the bullitin board next to the clerk window, that is the disclaimer against discrimination. Read it carefully and see that it says that "No one will be discriminated against based upon RACE, CREED, AGE, or RELIGION." Nowhere on that sign or in any of the written mission and goals statement, or anywhere else I can find, does it say you will not be discriminated against based upon your GENDER. Nowhere. Period.
Look for yourself. And again I choose not to make waves, because this might be the ONLY experience other people might have, token males included, and despite my own anger with individuals there and personal sad assed experiences simply trying to find soemone safe to talk with about the sexual molestation of a child.
I may be limited, but I will NOT give up the right to be able to choose, and make my own educated decisions. No man on earth or therapist from hell has the amount of authority or dominion in my life to take that away. I am discovering that I am not the only male who has been perpetrated on, and there are towns outside Nashville, with group programs as well as individual therapy that focus upon sexual abuse of all ages and gender. I just want to explore them all and make my own decision, however limited that might be.
BTW, Aptrick, we may have crossed paths at RASAC and 'a walk in their shoes'? But anyway, copy this message and take it with you to show Eric and Dave the next time you meet. And tell them I would like my 'Battlefield of the Mind' book back from the assigned counselor, how about it??
Thanks again Aptrick and Mike. I really do look foward to sharing more with you fellows. Just the discovery of this site has been a thrill ! I could spend days here, but I have work to do.
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5933 - 04/16/03 09:42 PM Re: At my wits end....
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Hi Tom. Welcome to MS, it's full of good people.

I can relate to your experience with the center. I had an absolutely horrible experience about 12 years ago. I was going to a conseling center that had a woman director who also worked as the group leader. It's a long story... she and others there were working their own issues and using me as a convient target for their misplaced and totally innapropriate anger... can you say boundary violations. And to top it off, they claimed experience dealing with survivors of sa but actually had very little training or expertise. The final glorious topping on the cake was the director using the group to work on her own sa issues. Nice eh?

Shit like this happens. Had I been in a better emotional place and stronger, I would have sued the pants off the director and board for malpractice.

It took me a long time to get back into therapy after that.

It's good to see your aware of what happened. Sadly, now you know what to look out for. Keep searching, you'll eventually find the right T for yourself and your issues. You may have to settle for individual therapy. Competent groups for (or willing to be inclusive in the proper way, mixed) male survivors are a scarcidy just about everywhere. (Community at large, correct me if I'm wrong).

Keep coming back Jim,

jer

jer


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#5934 - 04/17/03 11:08 AM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Glory be to God for Guy 43 ! ! ! Haleluia!
Oh how wonderful to see someone else write these words!! Glory Glory Glory
Thanks be to God!
I did not think I could live long enough to see any one else who has had these experiences. I actually believe there is someone else who has felt like me!
There is nothing that can spoil this day even if I die because I have finally lived long enough to really have contact made from another human who has had to endure also. Please write back and tell me this is real and I am not making this up in my mind. Please and glroy be to GOD. I can't wait to show this to my wife! I can't e-mail it but I'll print it that's what I'll do!! And I'll keep it where I can fold it and put it in my pocket every where I go today.
There is no way Satan can make me believe I am off base and the only person who has had to endure his oppression. What a victory!! glorious victory!!!
There must be a God in heaven and his son had to have risen. I must click the button and go rest

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5935 - 04/17/03 02:54 PM Re: At my wits end....
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I tell you, this is the only place of its kind.

If I had a nickel for every time I have seen someone post "I could have written that myself," I would donate it to Male Survivor.

\:\)

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#5936 - 04/17/03 03:02 PM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Ok I am back in control again and have even been responding to another message.
Perhaps I am a bit hyper sensative in this area, but I still believe in a clients personal rights. And one of them is dignity and respect, irregardless of the counselors own thoughts, feelings or personal experiences. Period, without exception.
If the counselor is unable to provide this then the counselor has a minimal responsiblility to not only the client, but the profession as a whole to see to it that some one else can. Again, without exception.
But then, there are men who have been sexualized. And there is no such thing as a defined thereputic concept, and the only people willing to address male sexual abuse have some sort of hidden motivation for themselves. And these 'theraputic misfit counselors' find these men as an 'easy target' to be re-victimized either overtly through passive manipulation or even aggressively engage in sexual relations with them, all in the name of good mental health.
I am getting the feeling perhaps I should write in a new message heading here and see how many respond with stories about destructive theraputic relationships. Has anyone ever done this here before? I am not alone on this, I know because there is another guy right above with a story, just like mine.
* And ain't no body takin' it away neither.*
I just wonder how many already vulnerable men have had their strength and integrity jepordized or even been re-victimized by a PhD?
I am super cautious of an individual who has to display a credential list, or emphasizes their level of education. Some of the best therapy I have found came from some of the most under educated people I have eveer met.
Tom S.
Thanx again Guy 43 what a liberating experience.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5937 - 04/17/03 03:06 PM Re: At my wits end....
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Quote:
Originally posted by Cement:
I tell you, this is the only place of its kind.

If I had a nickel for every time I have seen someone post "I could have written that myself," I would donate it to Male Survivor.

\:\)
* A big Ahmen brother !!!*
Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#5938 - 04/17/03 03:56 PM Re: At my wits end....
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
Glad you found this place Tom. I just joined a group in Dallas and I hope I dont get the treatment you recieved.

Edwin

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#5939 - 04/17/03 06:03 PM Re: At my wits end....
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I am glad you are here, Tom.

Peace,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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